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AIBU?

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Original poster

To meet up with MIL to discuss broken wine glass!

975 replies

pugreverywhere · 04/05/2018 08:38

Can't believe the previous thread reached a thousand posts, thanks so much for your support everyone!

I ended up reading MIL's facebook messages for me this morning. Turns up she wants to meet up at a café this weekend to smooth things over "without the boys knowing". She also said she would bring the egg pram back (?!).

Haven't replied yet. DH was pretty upset last night; not sure if he is actually considering going NC with his father. If so, it wouldn't be fair of me to meet up with his Mum in secret - but she's always been lovely to me and I'd hate for my GC having no GP in his life.
Ugh! Still so gutted over this whole thing.

You have all posted some very good advice so I am going to sit and read through it until I decide what we do now.

OP posts:
ForkIt · 04/05/2018 21:22

If the scan is booked and paid for I doubt it could be cancelled and refunded? And it’s in your name as a procedure for you? Worth a call to see if it can be sorted at that end...

Anewhope · 04/05/2018 21:24

Are you sure it's been cancelled due to involvement from your PIL? Could there be another reason? What was the wording of the email?

aharddaysnight · 04/05/2018 21:25

Shocked at the new update. Are you able to cancel the glass order? Really hope that this situation is not going to be too financially draining (especially if you are going to need to hire a car soon). Have you told your DP about the scan? I feel like this has taken it from a relationship that could have potentially healed after some breathing space to one where they'll be NC. What idiots they are. I'd be surprised if MIL cancelled the scan though tbh. Flowers

MarthasGinYard · 04/05/2018 21:26

Never had a pre paid set up for a scan. Can you just keep the appointment and pay when you get there

BasilTheCat · 04/05/2018 21:31

Incredibly petty to cancel the scan, how disappointing for you.
They will lose out in the long run not seeing their new grandchild.

I too think it is very odd that parents are so rich and watch their children struggle - I know it's not the "mumsnet way" but this is an only child who is going to soon be supporting himself, wife and child (ren) living in rented accommodation and being charged for borrowing a car - 40% of all FILs penny pinching is going to the taxman instead of helping out his only son and his family. A lot of rich families are only rich due to family wealth so it seems weird to then not pass it along as it has benefitted you!

You sound like you will be better off without them. MIL is not on your side, it sounds like she's not stuck up for your DH in the past so why would she now.
Your DH sounds lovely though! I'm sure he will be a fantastic father.

diddl · 04/05/2018 21:33

Why on earth are people so shocked?

It's unfortunate that the present was what it was, but it's no surprise that they've decided to not give Op a bday present, is it?

RideOn · 04/05/2018 21:36

Your ILs cancelling the scan is really mean of them. Really as if they are trying to cause upset, I'm afraid. I wouldn't encourage your DH do anything rash, just leave the car back. He must be really upset with this.

The image of 1 solitary glass turning up in the post at a later date and them unwrapping it, and thinking they have fallen out with their closest family because of it, your FIL is an idiot.

What are they going to tell people, we fell out with our DS and DDIL because a glass got broken?

rwalker · 04/05/2018 21:36

keep your dignity still send the glass to be blunt this is now a pissing contest and fil has up ed his game as probably can't bear the fact your dh has stood upto him

billybagpuss · 04/05/2018 21:37

Wow, I'm so sorry OP.

I think everyone needs a step back and let the dust settle now.

Will the glass be delivered directly to them?

ellsbells2 · 04/05/2018 21:38

Dear FIL

Please find enclosed the replacement glass. I hope it brings you as much happiness as a grandchild would have.

HatingTheBigShow · 04/05/2018 21:39

diddl there's a hell of a difference between not giving a present and rescinding one!

notapizzaeater · 04/05/2018 21:40

Wow, what nasty vindictive people they are

ChiefSuspect · 04/05/2018 21:41

I second phoning the scan company to find out the circumstances of the scan being cancelled.

What vindictive fucker(s). Your poor DH.

Can I sound a note of caution about well wishers offering to pay for the scan? I'm sure OP is genuine, but I think if other, less scrupulous posters realise that all they need to do is spin a sob story to get well meaning cash, then I think it will encourage trolls with the intention of scamming money.

SickofThomasTheTank · 04/05/2018 21:44

Wow. Just wow.

For some reason this reminds me of when I refused yet another of my DD's Dad's constant pleas to get back together. This resulted in him cancelling the order for the Car Seat he'd ordered for her as she'd grown out of her first seat. I was heartbroken as I'm disabled and couldn't leave the house until we got a new seat for her. He knew this and the fact that at the time, I couldn't afford it. It was not only punishment, but control....

Do not react OP. This was done for a reaction. Plain & simple Thanks

Grumpyoldblonde · 04/05/2018 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SickofThomasTheTank · 04/05/2018 21:44

Wow. Just wow.

For some reason this reminds me of when I refused yet another of my DD's Dad's constant pleas to get back together. This resulted in him cancelling the order for the Car Seat he'd ordered for her as she'd grown out of her first seat. I was heartbroken as I'm disabled and couldn't leave the house until we got a new seat for her. He knew this and the fact that at the time, I couldn't afford it. It was not only punishment, but control....

Do not react OP. This was done for a reaction. Plain & simple Thanks

InsomniacAnonymous · 04/05/2018 21:45

ChiefSuspect MNHQ have already mentioned that.

ChiefSuspect · 04/05/2018 21:50

Insomniac I know, I saw the MNHQ post, however it didn't detail the fact that this could encourage other copy cat threads, which is why I thought it would be worth pointing out.

WidoWanky · 04/05/2018 21:52

The scan wasnt for you. They were going too. It was for them.

They remind me of vultures circling their prey. I would steer well clear. And dont worry about not having a scan. people survived before them! It wont be that long before you have the real deal.

Just stay well clear. They are toxic.

expatinspain · 04/05/2018 21:54

I feel so sorry for you both, this is just getting more toxic by the minute!

expatinspain · 04/05/2018 21:54

I feel so sorry for you both, this is just getting more toxic by the minute!

OpheliaStorm · 04/05/2018 21:58

This reply has been deleted

This post has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Wineandpyjamas · 04/05/2018 22:00

Another lurker here - I’ve read through both threads and I’m so sorry at the turn things have taken. This all started off almost farcical and now it’s edging into Greek tragedy territory.

Agree with everyone else that these people are toxic and at this moment in time are best to be avoided. I think you should send them the replacement glass as I think that makes a strong statement to them that you are not beholden to them for anything. Give the car back on time. Then perhaps sit down with DH and craft an email stating your position and hope that they find happiness alone in their house with all their ‘stuff’.

I agree that going NC is a very drastic step and you will need to be prepared for all the emotions it will naturally invoke (if that’s what you decide to do) especially for your DH.

I really hope that at some point in the future this can all be cleared up as it sounded initially like you had a good relationship with them and I know you said it’s hard because your own family aren’t nearby. But having read the updates I’m no longer sure they were ever the people you thought they were and now their true colours are showing.

Stay strong OP!

Jellylover · 04/05/2018 22:00

I want to punch fil on the nose

LouHotel · 04/05/2018 22:00

OP im so very sorry they are behaving this way.

Very soon your going to have your baby in your arms and will be in a newborn love bubble of where you may start to feel very forgiving of their behaviour.

You dont have to be no contact with them but i would have how theyve treated you in the back of your mind for when they finally want to see their grandchild.

It was very telling that the gift your MIL wanted to give you back was the pram as thats only large present than cam be made visible to the outside world, very 'keeping up with the jones''