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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To meet up with MIL to discuss broken wine glass!

975 replies

pugreverywhere · 04/05/2018 08:38

Can't believe the previous thread reached a thousand posts, thanks so much for your support everyone!

I ended up reading MIL's facebook messages for me this morning. Turns up she wants to meet up at a café this weekend to smooth things over "without the boys knowing". She also said she would bring the egg pram back (?!).

Haven't replied yet. DH was pretty upset last night; not sure if he is actually considering going NC with his father. If so, it wouldn't be fair of me to meet up with his Mum in secret - but she's always been lovely to me and I'd hate for my GC having no GP in his life.
Ugh! Still so gutted over this whole thing.

You have all posted some very good advice so I am going to sit and read through it until I decide what we do now.

OP posts:

HonkyWonkWoman · 04/05/2018 20:04

I would GermanShepherd89, if it can be arranged!

ChoccyJules · 04/05/2018 20:05

Wow. That would be it for me. Definitely wouldn't send the glass, get a refund if you can't cancel it.
Waiting to see what your DH thinks to their latest email. Shocking turn of events for you both. They lose out in the end. Build up your antenatal and baby friends. Ignore PILs.

greenlynx · 04/05/2018 20:06

Just saw about the scan. It's so nasty and awful !
Don't be upset , your baby will be beautiful surprise for you and your DH!

Grammarist · 04/05/2018 20:06

I don't think that MIL would have any say in whether the scan was cancelled or not. This will probably be all down to FIL.
I come from a similar family setup (controlling father and mother who didn't work and a bit of an enabler) and I can safely say that if my Dad decided that something was going to happen (from a financial perspective) then my Mum wouldn't have any real say.

I'd meet with MIL with DH, if you can talk him round. She could be incredibly upset and scared and might really need you both.

Mum2jenny · 04/05/2018 20:06

I'd donate too if possible

Grammarist · 04/05/2018 20:06

I'd meet with MIL with DH, if you can talk him round. She could be incredibly upset and scared and might really need you both.

Fightthebear · 04/05/2018 20:06

Nah Ophelia, I have a dm like this. It absolutely has the ring of truth.

After years of crap & nasty behaviour it escalated over a financial issue for me too. I went NC and it’s very sad but I have never regretted it. Not once in over 20 years.

And you will be protecting your DS from a toxic GF.

MNHQ

SophieLMumsnet · 04/05/2018 20:11

Hallo all,

We're just hopping on to say that we can't guarantee everyone is who they say they are - this is the internet, after all. We aren't saying the OP isn't genuine, but just to keep in mind not to give more (financially or otherwise) than you can afford to spare if things went wrong.

Thanks

mateysmum · 04/05/2018 20:12

My jaw is on the floor at your latest update.Cancelling the scan is designed to do the thing they believe will hurt you and your DH the most - and it was a birthday gift- unbelievable. I bet FiL is sitting thinking "that'll show 'em".Well frankly yes it has. It has shown you their true colours and that you need have no further concern for them.

Cancel the glass. Spend the money on a scan and enjoy the sight of your beautiful baby as a little family of your own.

Idontdowindows · 04/05/2018 20:12

They actually took a birthday gift back?

Fucking hell.

Popsicle434544 · 04/05/2018 20:13

Have just read both threads and

maggiecate · 04/05/2018 20:14

I'm increasingly impressed with the courage of your DH - I suspect that he knew that there would be 'consequences' to making a stand, and he did it anyway. It's very very difficult to overcome a lifetime of conditioning, especially when there are financial repurcussions implicit in doing so. It sounds as though FIL believes his financial position means the balence of power lies with him completely.

It says a lot for his strength of character and I'm aching for what it must have been like for him growing up. It sounds as if he's determined not to repeat the past with his own DC.

Maybe it's too much to hope for that this will be a wake up call for MIL too - but it might give her an impetus to say that her child and grandchild are more important than FIL 'winning,' and seek an exit strategy of her own or at least to re-evaluate the balence of power in the relationship.

PickAChew · 04/05/2018 20:16

If you do give them the glass, after all this, it would be tempting to use it to collect your next urine sample, first.

InsomniacAnonymous · 04/05/2018 20:19

I'm getting a bit sickened by all this sympathy for the MIL. She's not a victim. She's always put her husband before her son, she's just carrying on as normal. That's the choice she's made.

wheretoyougonow · 04/05/2018 20:19

That is so spiteful and cruel.
I vote you keep the wine glass when it arrives. Take a photo and post it in Facebook saying 'Replacement Birthday Present for me!'
Look after yourselves.

TeatimeForTheSoul · 04/05/2018 20:20

De-lurking to send you hugs pusreverywhere
Got to say I think you handled it really well and am shocked the scan was cancelled.
You’ve had lots of other good advice. You’re instinct to give it a bit of time before reacting sounds good. It may be that keeping the channel of communication to MiL minimally open on Facebook may be useful, but with your DHs knowledge. It may be worth letting MiL know that taking back such a precious gift has seriously hurt you and damaged trust. And that this seems disproportionate over an everyday mishap.

Sounds like issues with his parents run a lot deeper than 1 wine glass and that this was just a tipping point.

KeepCalm · 04/05/2018 20:21

Oh he's a right shit indeed Op sorry

KreigersClones · 04/05/2018 20:22

Mental OP, they’re absolutely mental.

Also, why are so many people bending over backwards worrying about ‘poor’ MIL. She is just as bad. Sounds like people feel so sorry for her, as they can imagine themselves sending little emails that there’s ‘no need to tell the boys about’. 🙄
Don’t feel sorry for enablers.

LadyB49 · 04/05/2018 20:25

Oh dear God.... What an awful thing for PIL to do.
How could pugs and dh ever forgive this.

I was all for pugs and dh eventually seeing what MIL had to say, but now it would need MIL to be standing tall and showing FIL that shes on the side of pugs.

Poor pugs and lovely dh. How dh must be hurting at their behaviour. PIL have been unable to deal with not getting their own way.

Looks like PIL have made a very bad move.

Hugs to you pugs and your dh xx

KreigersClones · 04/05/2018 20:26

InsomniacAnonymous
X posted with you.
I agree, it is sickening.

Katedotness1963 · 04/05/2018 20:26

Wow! How petty to cancel the scan. That was done just to hurt.

DampSquid · 04/05/2018 20:29

I can't believe this has all escalated so quickly from a broken wine glass! To take back your birthday present is beyond low

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/05/2018 20:30

Cancelling a present is jaw droppingly nasty. I agree with the consensus to cancel the order for the glass and pay for the scan yourselves.

As for the car, please ensure you return it no later than the time your fil stipulated. I don’t want to sound alarmist. However your fil may decide to report the car stolen if you fail to comply.

A pp said upthread what I also said on the first thread. That if these wealthy parents truly cared about their ds and grandchild, they’d ensure they had a stable roof over their head and a basic mode of transport. Not spend £1k+ unnecessarily on a pram.

ktp100 · 04/05/2018 20:30

Can you cancel the glass and use the money to pay for the scan, OK?

I can't believe that. I mean, they were acting like arsehole anyway - they really didn't need to up the ante!

What utter bastards.

ChasedByBees · 04/05/2018 20:32

Can you rebook the scan?

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