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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - colleagues mother charges her £550 per month for living there

173 replies

smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 22:52

She also takes £500 pcm from colleague’s sister and £400 pcm from colleague’s fiancé.

Colleague says that her mum has lost benefits because of her and feels that she needs to make up for this.

This only came up as she’s saving to get married next May and I asked her if her mum was offering any help with this. Colleague is lovely but v young and says that her mum is not contributing anything as she can’t afford it.

Planned wedding is very cheap, less than £2k all in.

I was Shock about the money her mother is charging as board and I wonder if this is reasonable. Colleague also has to pay extra for food.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 04/05/2018 07:19

"Those of you saying she could rent her own place are missing the point. With those payments she will struggle to save the deposit and rent in advance."

She could move into a shared house first and then into her own flat if she can't save up one month's rent.

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 04/05/2018 07:20

I wondered about the tax thing. I know there’s an allowance if you’re renting a room to a lodger but I have no idea about charging family members.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 04/05/2018 07:21

Windthebobbinup1982
Why on Earth don’t her and her fiancé move out

The deposit for a rented place here is 2.5 the monthly rent.
Given what she is paying to her DM it will take an age to get there.

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 04/05/2018 07:23

I rent. I had to find the first months rent, an equal amount plus £200 for the deposit and the agent’s fee was £350. She will also have to buy furniture as the only furnished houses/flats around here are usually student lets.

OP posts:
Baylis · 04/05/2018 07:29

She's paying way too much. Her Mum is definitely taking advantage of the situation. In your shoes I think I'd show my colleague properties in the area she could be renting with her boyfriend to save extra money for the wedding so that she at least knows there are other (better) options available to her.

PeanutButterSquash · 04/05/2018 07:29

I did the same with my mum, she lost all HB (£550pm) plus had to pay council tax(£130). She charged me as little as possible, but I HAD to pay that or she wouldn't be able to meet her costs (I believe she charged me £10 a week on top of the above, as a small contribution to communal stuff like loo roll and gas and leccy)
This isn't anything to do with benefits stopping when your kids turn 18, this is because when it comes to Hb and council tax you lose your CT support and housing benefit if an adult with a job moves in with you whether that's your kid or your partner. Unless you're on a high income I don't think anybody could cope with adult kids costing them £850+ per month, however that charge happens...
YABVU.

PeanutButterSquash · 04/05/2018 07:31

How is her mum taking advantage though? By the looks of it she's just charging them what it's costing HER for them to live there?
It's not like she's mortgage free and it's all going into her pocket and presumably your colleague knew what she'd be paying before she moved in.

Raven88 · 04/05/2018 07:31

Sounds pretty reasonable for a working couple to pay that. I assume it includes all the bills.

Joanna57 · 04/05/2018 07:32

shmithecat

Now that really depends on where in Nottingham.

My part of Nottingham, you would get a dump for that price. Then add on utilities/council tax etc etc.

Just to add.......is the OP in Nottingham?

gamerwidow · 04/05/2018 07:32

smiths it is nice that you are so concerned about your colleague you sound like a good friend.
None of us really know about the finances of the household though (including me)
It could be that £900 covers rent, bills, food, loan repayments, all domestic chores done for them or anything. It could be that the mother lost CB, CTC, WTC, HB and maintenance when the daughter turned 18 and the daughter is making up the shortfall to keep the household afloat or it could be as you say that the Mum is just a CF.
No one is making her and her fiancé stay so they obviously think there are some benefits to staying.
By all means show her some flats and say 'oh this would be perfect for you and you'd probably save money too' but don't push it. They are both grown ups and they can make their own decision about where to live even if you think it's silly,

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 04/05/2018 07:33

I'd move out and delay the wedding.

Some parents seem to think that their children should be provided for by the state until they are eighteen and then do it themselves. God forbid they should cover their child's costs themselves.

That obscene amount of money from them all has very likely tainted the relationship between parent and child as she's letting them pay for everything whilst she does nothing and contributes nothing. Selfish and lazy.

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 04/05/2018 07:35

peanut thanks for the explanation. I hadn’t realised that. Maybe that’s the reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 04/05/2018 07:36

Yes, I’m in Nottingham. My rent for a two bed flat is £525pcm

OP posts:
Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 04/05/2018 07:38

But I’m also nowhere near West Bridgford Grin

OP posts:
BrownTurkey · 04/05/2018 07:39

If family relationships really are good, she should ask for a 6 month rent reduction as a wedding present, to enable them to save for a deposit. Alternatively, she could take an evening job, which I imagine a lot of apprentices do.

gamerwidow · 04/05/2018 07:41

Also your friend must be earning an absolute pittance if £500 plus travel are her only expenses each month and she still can't save anything. What is she spending the rest of her salary on? My niece pays my sister £400 a month for rent including all bills and food because it's what my sister lost in benefits when she became an adult. She has £100 on top of this for travel so the remaining £600 she can spend on whatever she likes. She never makes it to the end of the month with her money, has no savings and nothing to show for her money except holidays and nights out. She will tell you she's hard done by and can't even afford driving lessons or to save for uni. I don't know many other adults though who have £600 play money a month, I certainly don't. Just be aware that there are 3 sides to this story, her side, her mums side and the truth somewhere in the middle!

Joanna57 · 04/05/2018 07:43

Fair enough Plums

Nottingham is rather popular on this thread :)

I live on the Notts/Derbys border, and honestly, the places for less than £500 a month are awful.

When my DC first left home to rent, I paid the deposits for them - over £1000, as a 'moving out' pressie - I saved it up out of their 'board' money (don't tell them that though ha ha!)

Rosielily · 04/05/2018 07:43

I'm wondering if colleague is confiding so much in you because she knows her mother (and family) are taking advantage? It's not just the money for living in the house she's mentioned, but also the fact there's been complaints about the wedding venue and she's having to change it. And I'm wondering why she spends her remaining money on presents for them? Is she reaching out to you too see if this is normal, as she herself is concerned or is she just simply a nice person and genuinely "naïve"? Having said that I don't really know what you can be expected to do if she is worried.

Gwenhwyfar · 04/05/2018 07:44

"How is her mum taking advantage though? By the looks of it she's just charging them what it's costing HER for them to live there? "

She's charging more than market rate (at least here you could get a flat for what the colleague pays for a room) so I suspect she's making a profit.
Sorry I've missed a post where we know all the DM's costs and outgoings.

maddening · 04/05/2018 07:45

Just looking on rightmove rooms in houseshares are 3-400 a month - I would tell her that they could save 500 per month doing that!

sashh · 04/05/2018 07:45

She said she’s got no idea how they will save up to move out in the future. She’s 20 btw

And here is mum's plan, not enough money to move out and unable to save it because mum is pocketing it, my mum was the same.

It's about control

gamerwidow · 04/05/2018 07:47

Also my DN I mentioned up thread could go and rent a room for what she pays my sister in rent but she doesn't want to share with a load of strangers. There's reasons other than money to stay for some.

PeanutButterSquash · 04/05/2018 07:49

Gwenhwyfar
It's unlikely she's making a profit though.
As soon as I moved in with my mum, she lost her council tax support and discount, so I had to pay that at full whack. Plus the housing benefit she lost (all of it). It was also possible she would lose her income support but from memory I didn't earn quite enough for that to happen. So with two adults moving in, if her rent is £600 a month once you add on council tax of at least £100 a month (£700) £900 doesn't seem like too far of a stretch. Especially once you take into account the extra costs of gas/electric and such for 2 adults. If she's lost income support (£100ish a fortnight I think) it's easy to see where the £900 is going without her DM making a single pound of profit off their backs.
Do you think the council or dwp care what the "market rate is" or what's "fair" when they cut your benefits for having 2 extra full time working adults move in?

Rosielily · 04/05/2018 07:50

And here is mum's plan, not enough money to move out and unable to save it because mum is pocketing it, my mum was the same.It's about control

This.

Joanna57 · 04/05/2018 07:51

Gamerwidow

Totally agree with you.

After my kids had paid their board, a quarter of whatever they earned, they had plenty left over.

They both saved another quarter to pay for driving lessons and then to buy a car. They also saved for holidays etc.

Even now, many years later, they are both good with money.