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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - colleagues mother charges her £550 per month for living there

173 replies

smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 22:52

She also takes £500 pcm from colleague’s sister and £400 pcm from colleague’s fiancé.

Colleague says that her mum has lost benefits because of her and feels that she needs to make up for this.

This only came up as she’s saving to get married next May and I asked her if her mum was offering any help with this. Colleague is lovely but v young and says that her mum is not contributing anything as she can’t afford it.

Planned wedding is very cheap, less than £2k all in.

I was Shock about the money her mother is charging as board and I wonder if this is reasonable. Colleague also has to pay extra for food.

OP posts:
BakedIllaska · 03/05/2018 23:13

Way too much! We used to rent a two bed terraced for £500 PCM!

So her and her fiance are paying £900 for a room in a house with three other people? That's insane!

Windthebobbinup1982 · 03/05/2018 23:15

Colleague says that her mum has lost benefits because of her and feels that she needs to make up for this.

What benefits could she have lost as a result of having a 20-something daughter? I don’t understand

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 23:16

And she has to buy her own food for her and her fiancé on top of the £900 they pay. I don’t know, it just seems a lot of money. She said she’s got no idea how they will save up to move out in the future. She’s 20 btw

OP posts:
LovelyBranches · 03/05/2018 23:17

What did you say to your colleague when she offered the information?

I am grateful that my parents never took board and lodge off me as it gave me a proper chance to save, which I did, towards my house.

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 23:17

Colleague says she’s lost housing benefit

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 03/05/2018 23:18

Presumably if your colleague is big and ugly enough to get married, then she's also big and ugly enough to find somewhere else to live if she isn't happy with the current arrangements?

Maybe the Mum is actively trying to discourage her offspring from staying on the gravy train indefinitely. Not sure I blame her TBH.

Your colleague sounds as tho she needs a firm push onto the next stage of her life.

Bitchywaitress · 03/05/2018 23:19

smiths this poor young woman is being totally ripped off. Most certainly her and her FI are covering all of the rent and council tax, and sis is covering the bills. Mum is getting a free ride, that is not right.

Friend of mine and her BF are moving out of a flat share after realising the lead tennant had lied to them about the cost of CT and rent. He said he was paying more pp than them but they found out the true rent. They were paying £900 towards all expenses whereas he was paying £250. therefore subsidising him.

That is a CF and so is this Mum.

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 23:20

We were talking about the wedding. She’s very excited and talks about little else. Anyway she said that they have to move the venue for the reception because the family have said they won’t attend if they have it there. She was worried about affording somewhere else and then she said how much she gives her mum etc

OP posts:
Windthebobbinup1982 · 03/05/2018 23:27

Why on Earth don’t her and her fiancé move out... Surely they want to do that anyway, but in Nottingham they’d get far more than a room in a shared house (which is effectively what it is) for that amount. It makes no sense whatsoever.

BackforGood · 03/05/2018 23:28

I think adults should contribute a reasonable amount to parents, if they are working, and living at home, yes. As to what the parents then do with this money, that really is up to them and their circumstances.
If the adult dc think they could do better elsewhere, then it is up to them to save up the deposit, and find somewhere. I should imagine, in Nottingham it would be feasible to find somewhere for quite a lot less than £900pm, therefore leaving enough for bills, so they have that option if they choose.
That does sound like a lot to me, though, even speaking as someone who paid their parents housekeeping, and who charges my adult ds housekeeping.

Batmanwearspants · 03/05/2018 23:28

She wouldn’t be getting that much in housing benefit! Mum is ripping her off.

Bitchywaitress · 03/05/2018 23:29

Her DM is in for a big shock then if they all move out!

If there are 3 bed semis in the area for £600 then there must be cheap bed sitting rooms. Could they get somewhere all inc for less so they can afford to save for their wedding?

RaininSummer · 03/05/2018 23:30

That is an enormous sum for one room. They would be better off moving out.

AnathemaPulsifer · 03/05/2018 23:30

Definitely being ripped off from a simple check of rightmove. Are you close enough to ask why she wants to stay there when it costs more than rent and bills on a one-bed flat? Maybe she's worried about her mum and wants to help.

defineme · 03/05/2018 23:30

I live in Nottingham too and they could easily afford any number of flats with that money, I would point that out to her...there's even some lovely houses near me perfect for first time buyers with part mortgage part rent deals.
My colleague paid her mum £50 pw incl food and bills, which her mum let her stop whilst they saved up deposit.

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 23:31

If you knew colleague then you wouldn’t be surprised. She is a lovely young lady but very sheltered. She’s never been on a train on her own and she’s 20. She loves her mum. She spends the other half of her wages on presents for her family. She’s that type of person. It wouldn’t even occur to her that her mum might be taking advantage

OP posts:
Bitchywaitress · 03/05/2018 23:32

£900 for a room is like London prices!

Strawberry2017 · 03/05/2018 23:32

That seems an awful lot for the 3 of them to be paying, she's making a massive profit off them clearly.
I'm all for paying rent but that sounds greedy to me.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/05/2018 23:32

If it’s 550 and she is fed , watered and comfortable that’s not a bad deal actually

Saracen · 03/05/2018 23:32

That is on the steep side given that she and fiance are sharing a room.

But the £30pw which you paid your mum was absolutely peanuts, even then! So that is at the other end of the spectrum. I would say your mum was subsidising you very heavily.

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 23:34

Yes it was peanuts but that was the going rate in my area back then.

OP posts:
Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 23:36

The £550 she pays and the £400 her fiancé pays does not include food.

OP posts:
DuchyDuke · 03/05/2018 23:37

A 3 bed semi in a shit part of Leicester will go for 600-700 pcm. Nottingham tends to generally be pricier because public transport is cheaper.

Saracen · 03/05/2018 23:38

"Yes it was peanuts but that was the going rate in my area back then."

Wow, very different from my area!! In 1997 we were charging our lodger £400pcm including bills but not food. That was a discounted rate intended to keep him with us because we really liked him!

South of England, not London though.

Deerdear · 03/05/2018 23:39

Are you saying that this woman is getting £1550 per month when the average rent in the area is £600? Not including bills?

Where do I sign on? This scheme is genius!

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