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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - colleagues mother charges her £550 per month for living there

173 replies

smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 22:52

She also takes £500 pcm from colleague’s sister and £400 pcm from colleague’s fiancé.

Colleague says that her mum has lost benefits because of her and feels that she needs to make up for this.

This only came up as she’s saving to get married next May and I asked her if her mum was offering any help with this. Colleague is lovely but v young and says that her mum is not contributing anything as she can’t afford it.

Planned wedding is very cheap, less than £2k all in.

I was Shock about the money her mother is charging as board and I wonder if this is reasonable. Colleague also has to pay extra for food.

OP posts:
puglife15 · 03/05/2018 23:39

£950 for a room in a shared house (incl bills) is a shitload even in much more expensive areas.

She'd only need one or two months' extra money to get a deposit for a flat

PlatypusPie · 03/05/2018 23:40

I’m astonished that people still think a person's parents contribute to a wedding

I’m equally astonished that people think they don’t ! We are paying the major costs (venue/catering ) for our DDs forthcoming wedding and that is the case for most of our friends and acquaintances.

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 23:41

I think she should move out. There are a number of flats in our area (NG9/NG10) that are no more than £600pcm

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 03/05/2018 23:42

Is this a reverse?

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 23:42

Yes, she gets £950 pcm from colleague and fiancé and a further £500 pcm from colleague’s sister

OP posts:
Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 23:43

No this is definitely not a reverse. I’m a 44 year old woman with a 13 year old son.

OP posts:
Bitchywaitress · 03/05/2018 23:44

With bills and council tax a flat at £600pcm will be close to what they are paying now, but they would have their own place.

And if the get a lodger they could start saving for the wedding. But fuck changing their venue for emotionally blackmailing family members.

TheBigFatMermaid · 03/05/2018 23:44

I’m not saying it’s any of my business. I just wondered if this was the going rate these days. I gave my mother £30pw in 1997.

And you are comparing this, 21 years later to that? Have you not hear of inflation? What were you earning then? What is your colleague earning now?

Yes, also I bet her DM has lost benefits. What happens is, that a child becomes an adult, the mum can no longer claim for them, so they lose the TC, CB they were getting, then, if the 'child' remains with them they re deemed to be able to contribute to rent and CT, why wouldn't they? so that benefit gets adjusted to take into account their bit.. Then, well, they eat and drink,.... £550, she is getting a good deal!!

Butt the fuck out!

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 23:45

I wasn’t “butting the fuck in”. The information was offered voluntarily.

OP posts:
Bitchywaitress · 03/05/2018 23:46

No they are not getting a 'good deal' paying £950pcm for a room in an overcrowded semi. Are you in London mermaid by any chance?

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 23:47

And I’m willing to bet that most parents don’t charge their adult DC half of their wages to continue living in their childhood bedroom when they start work.

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 03/05/2018 23:48

550 a month wouldn't get you a room in a shared house where I live. What comes with the 550 if it's food and bills then that's not unreasonable.
You could lose that much in housing benefits easily when a child becomes an adult so if that's the case it's only fair she pays the difference. I assume if she's unhappy with the rent she could always try her luck elsewhere.

Bitchywaitress · 03/05/2018 23:49

Caring about younger people does not mean you are necessarily 'butting in'. It could be because OP has a conscience and cares about the young person who works with her.

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 23:49

We are on the Nottingham/Derby border. It’s not expensive to rent a flat/terraced house

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 03/05/2018 23:51

Fwiw I have my Mum half of all my wages from Saturday job at age 16 where I earned £30/week up until i left Home at 19 and was earning £15k.
Not everyone's parents have money sometimes every penny coming into the household counts and you all have to chip in.

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 23:51

I do care about her. She’s so nice and honestly it’s like a breath of fresh air to have someone who’s so kind and positive in our office.

OP posts:
Bitchywaitress · 03/05/2018 23:54

It sounds like this girl would benefit from some friendly advice about the practicalities of improving her situation. And she is not in a good situation where she is paying the same for a room as it their own flat, and unable to save for wedding/own home/children.

Cornishclio · 03/05/2018 23:54

If those figures are right the mother is taking advantage and I don't see why she is not working herself. The daughter and boyfriend sound like they can afford their own place. Buying presents for her family instead of saving for her future? Does she actually want to move out?

Bitchywaitress · 03/05/2018 23:55

as they would* in their own flat

Cornishclio · 03/05/2018 23:55

We charged our daughters just enough to cover food but we were not on benefits.

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 23:57

She says she wants to move out when they are married but she doesn’t know how they can save for a deposit and furniture

OP posts:
Bitchywaitress · 03/05/2018 23:57

gamerwidow I do get the every penny counts, but mum could afford to run this household on less than £1,400, and her DP is working as well, what is he paying towards?

Original poster
smithssquarecrisps · 03/05/2018 23:59

I earn £1400 pcm and manage on this each month. It equates to a £20k salary less deductions

OP posts:
Bitchywaitress · 04/05/2018 00:01

DH and myself pay £1000 for all bills including CT for our 2 bed in a very expensive city (not London).

PercyPigAddict · 04/05/2018 00:03

What would happen if you expressed your astonishment...? Something like "Gosh, you and your fiance pay your mum almost a grand for a shared room? You could get a flat together for that!"

Why does she want to wait til they get married to move out? Is she under the impression that she's saving money by living at home?

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