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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

999 replies

pugreverywhere · 03/05/2018 14:55

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

OP posts:
SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 03/05/2018 22:04

Totally agree sadly the fil will see the glass as his due and nothing else.

Original poster
pugreverywhere · 03/05/2018 22:06

DH has gone to bed but MIL has sent 11 new fb messages.. I haven't dared click on them as she will be able to see I have read them but I guess it's not over yet. Hmm

What baffles me is the fact that they refused to open the gates for their son and yet MIL keeps texting after.. not sure how we are going to return the car if FIL won't let us in on his property!

OP posts:
SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 03/05/2018 22:06

Absolutely green. It's been mentioned on the the thread.
They or he feels so needed and invinceable they wouldn't believe op may go low contact

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 03/05/2018 22:06

Your DH is awesome. Perfect response from him.

Best thing to do now is to ignore/block them until you're ready to deal with the fuckwittery.

Best of luck with your baby and sorry you've had to deal with this.

TheHobbitMum · 03/05/2018 22:06

Not often am I genuinely speechless but your FIL materialistic bullshit over a glass has! Unbelievable, I hope they appreciate that glass when they realise what it has cost. A glass of any amount could never replace a loving relationship with your son and his family.
Their 1st grandchild arriving should be a time of excitement and they will now have to take a huge step back ( they'd not be very welcome in my home after this)

I've never known a parent charge their kids when they need help with borrowing a car! Shock We have & will borrow Inlaws car and they borrow ours when needed because when family needs help, you help. They truly sound awful and I would not want a penny from them in any form. They will only attach conditions to it!

OP your husband is a great husband and Dad to stand up for you both. He no doubt feels terrible but I'd be very proud of him, it's hard to realise your parents aren't what they should be but sometimes coming to terms with that can help so you aren't let down again and again.

LadyB49 · 03/05/2018 22:07

I wonder how DIL and MIL are feeling at the moment. Perhaps MIL is giving him the rounds of the kitchen.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 03/05/2018 22:07

Your DH is awesome. Perfect response from him.

Best thing to do now is to ignore/block them until you're ready to deal with the fuckwittery.

Best of luck with your baby and sorry you've had to deal with this.

Fletchasaurus · 03/05/2018 22:08

Oh op your update is really sad... can't believe it has come to this over a glass! At least they have shown their true colours!

SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 03/05/2018 22:08

Because maybe it's your fil. I suspect Mil is scared of him too n

The best thing to happen maybe Mil coming to stay with you leaving fil to stew.

It's obvious Mil is panicking she is caught between fil and her son. Still I wouldn't soften until she reached out and apologised.

LadyB49 · 03/05/2018 22:09

When my dss had diffs I paid £80 to add him to my insurance and he used my car for 4 months. My only stipulation was that if I needed it, it should have petrol in it 😉😉

TaggieRR · 03/05/2018 22:10

Glad that you and dh are working together and on same page.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 03/05/2018 22:11

@pug at a guess Id think that MIL is not the driving force behind this and doesnt want to lose contact.

You can open the messages and not reply- even if its just to sleep on it before answering. Probably best off not to reply with feelings all riled on both sides anyway.

RuggerHug · 03/05/2018 22:12

Oh OP I hope this is something that FIL says 'look I don't know what I was thinking and I'm sorry it came to this, can we forget it?' and things can go back to normal (if wary about money stuff). Seems a shame.

Off point but I used to think the wine glasses we got as wedding presents were ridiculous expensive until reading this...

Bobbybobbins · 03/05/2018 22:12

You gave him a great way to climb down by offering to replace the glass for Father's Day - when he rejected that he really showed his true grasping colours.

Bobbybobbins · 03/05/2018 22:13

You gave him a great way to climb down by offering to replace the glass for Father's Day - when he rejected that he really showed his true grasping colours.

Bluelady · 03/05/2018 22:13

My guess is MiL is feeling sick and panicky and FiL is sulking. You're spot on, OP, replace the glass, return the car complete with full tank and leave them to stew. MiL will be on your doorstep at some point in the next couple of days and Mr Pug will need to decide in advance how he deals with that.

InsomniacAnonymous · 03/05/2018 22:13

DevilsDoorbell What on earth does "How shorty for you both op." mean? Confused

darknights · 03/05/2018 22:15

I'd be returning the car with a full tank and gift wrapped glass left on the passenger seat.

I wouldn't look back as I left. These people have shown their true colours and use their wealth to manipulate you.

SilverySurfer · 03/05/2018 22:16

I think shorty might be a typo for shitty

Ginger1982 · 03/05/2018 22:16

MIL is probably trying to salvage the situation now. Read the messages!!

In all seriousness, this is all very sad. My mum would lend me her car in a heartbeat and wouldn't dream of charging me for it. Very sad when parents do this, especially to only children. You will both need to be very strong in the future re access to grandchild.

darknights · 03/05/2018 22:16

I'd be returning the car with a full tank and gift wrapped glass left on the passenger seat.

I wouldn't look back as I left. These people have shown their true colours and use their wealth to manipulate you.

Ginger1982 · 03/05/2018 22:16

MIL is probably trying to salvage the situation now. Read the messages!!

In all seriousness, this is all very sad. My mum would lend me her car in a heartbeat and wouldn't dream of charging me for it. Very sad when parents do this, especially to only children. You will both need to be very strong in the future re access to grandchild.

BrownTurkey · 03/05/2018 22:16

Take care. Let things cool and do what is right for you both, don’t get caught up.

Ruffian · 03/05/2018 22:17

That's awful, it's really escalated out of all proportion. FIL might be a successful businessman but clearly has serious issues over relationships and communication. Feel sorry for the MIL who probably doesn't get much of a say and is trying to mitigate.

I don't think the DH has behaved properly either. He should have tried to be the adult and not take any rash action until he'd spoken to the PIL face to face.

AskAuntLydia · 03/05/2018 22:19

Wow, what horrible inlaws, your poor DH.

I hope he realises how toxic they are and isn't manipulated by them. It's horrible to be treated like this by your own parents when you're just about to become a parent yourself.

Glad you two are so united and together, that's really important for both of you.

This started off as an example of baffling madness and is much more sad and dysfunctional than that, isn't it? Sorry OP, sounds like it's come out of the blue for you, but once your DH has time to think he may see a pattern somewhere here.