Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

999 replies

pugreverywhere · 03/05/2018 14:55

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

OP posts:
Lwoj · 03/05/2018 21:45

Sorry for what you are going through but let’s all raise a glass to your DH for supporting you.

CoffeeIsNotEnough · 03/05/2018 21:46

Sounds awful.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 03/05/2018 21:46

As for the car, could you park it across the entrance to their drive and then lock the keys inside? No fuel in the tank, obviously!

TatianaLarina · 03/05/2018 21:46

Wine to your DH

IStillMissBlockbuster · 03/05/2018 21:48

Are you ok OP?

SilverySurfer · 03/05/2018 21:49

I would put a note inside the glass saying something like 'I hope this glass is worth the cost of you not having a relationship with your grandchild' and let them stew their guts out.

Even if you don't ultimately go NC they deserve to feel bad about what they have done.

sonjadog · 03/05/2018 21:50

What a strange thing to ruin a relationship over. But you said that there has been some tension there before?

fabulous01 · 03/05/2018 21:50

Fair play to you both
I would have bought the glass and also returned the lot.
And maybe one day they will realise the true cost

wellhonestly · 03/05/2018 21:51

I am flabberghasted.

What poor manners on FIL's part - very bad hosting. Or stupid for using breakable things that he can't afford to have broken.

How crap. I don't know how I could ever come back from this, myself, to restart a relationship with them.

I hope you are letting your DP know how much you appreciate his support in all of this.

HerRoyalNotness · 03/05/2018 21:53

Too late, but it wasn’t a good idea to escalate it by taking back the baby things

My PIL are poor as church mice, and won’t accept a dime from us, but in this situation I would have paid for the glass and then taken a jam jar in my bag for future drinks.

“Why yes FIL I did bring my own glass, I can’t afford to break any more of yours”

RandomMess · 03/05/2018 21:54
Thanks

What a horrible day you've both had Sad

Aylarose · 03/05/2018 21:55

What a dick! I would get DH to deal with. I hope he thinks it's rude too.

Alternatively you could write: "Oh dear, I didn't realise from your reaction that it was such a problem. Our rent is £1000 (or whatever) and your grandchild is due in 5 months and needs a pram so I'm afraid I cannot afford to pay for the glass at the present time".

imnotreally · 03/05/2018 21:56

And here come the people that think it’s easy to stand up to a controlling husband. And that mil should have done this or that. You obviously have no idea what it’s like. No idea if mil is under his thumb or not. It’s possible if this is the sort of man he is. Or she could just be going with him on this.

But I know my ex mil would never have dared to tell my xfil that he was being a twat or to do something differently.

nottwins · 03/05/2018 21:56

This is the sort of twattery that my DDad might come out with because he's not very good at thinking through what's fair/how others might feel or be affected, but just gets an idea in his head and follows it through a bit blindly.
If challenged in the way OP/DH did, he would then dig his heels in because he'd feel defensive and insecure and everything would escalate very fast.

Clearly it is pure projection to assume that this is what happened with OP's FIL but equally I've seen a lot of assumptions from others about it being a sign of him being controlling and unpleasant.

The OP has commented that he's not been very nice to DH of late, which doesn't bode well, but it sounds like everyone got on well before so I do wonder whether giving FIL the benefit of the doubt (i.e. that he was being thoughtless not nasty) might have prevented this all from escalating in such a sad way.

bastardkitty · 03/05/2018 21:57

The reason that buying the glass is a mistake is that FIL will see it as an admission that you and DH were in the wrong and he will try and resume the relationship continuing his fuckwit ways.i would have ignored his messages forever. You were always going to end up no contact here. They are a pair of cunts.

PortiaFinis · 03/05/2018 21:57

I don’t know if I’m missing something but it sounds to me like he was pissed off that OP didn’t offer to replace it when it broke - which she should have done. And then his response should have been “No, of course not, don’t be silly” but the offering is important.

If they’ve been generous and helpful in so many other respects I think it’s really weird of those suggesting holding their relationship with the baby to ransome. Its one thing to say that they need to put away all expensive breakables before the baby comes over and another thing entirely to be holding seeing their grandchildren above their heads.

bastardkitty · 03/05/2018 21:58

They're not remotely generous. They are controlling.

ellsbells2 · 03/05/2018 21:58

Awful behaviour from FIL.

I'm reserving judgement on MIL, who knows what their relationship is like behind closed doors. Maybe this will change things for her, she was obviously looking forward to being a grandparent.

GreenTulips · 03/05/2018 21:59

let’s all raise a glass to your DH for supporting you

As long as its plastic

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 03/05/2018 21:59

Is it possible that FIL is upset because you didnt offer to replace the glass at the time?

Not that it excuses his behaviour- its utterly reprehensible.

I think you did the right thing by returning the baby things. If hes prepared to be this pedantic and childish over a wine glass then Id imagine that these expensive gifts would not come without strings attached.

For example, why cant we take the baby out, we did pay for the pram after all... etc etc.

I think you can only take the positive out of these events and that is that your DH will stand up for you and your family against his parents.

Reiterating a PP- Id be wondering about the insurance on the car if your DH is paying for the privilege of using it as opposed to simply the running costs. The car thing is beyond petty IMO and I think you have just had a glimpse of FIL's true colours.

WeirdyMcBeardy · 03/05/2018 21:59

Well I hope they think the precious sodding glass was worth their relationship with their family! What a pair of twats they are.

Lethaldrizzle · 03/05/2018 22:02

I would not expect someone to offer to pay for a glass if they broke it. I would tell them not to worry and carry on enjoying their company.

DevilsDoorbell · 03/05/2018 22:03

How shorty for you both op.

Ultimately your in laws are the ones that will lose out. Your mil will probably realise this first. I hope they realise what monumental tears they’ve been and apologise.

Atalune · 03/05/2018 22:03

Well I think you’ve been very rash.

GreenTulips · 03/05/2018 22:04

I think there's a lot of snobbery at play here - you brought a pram and it wasn't good enough - so yea they brought another, but you didn't ask for it or need it, so not really that generous. Same with the glasses 'we've brought you X so you should replace Y' when X wasn't asked for is control.

They don't appear to have a grasp on the real cost of relationships