PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

[pugreverywhere]

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

I would do exactly as you and your dh did.
I think your hd knew they are v.materialistic and where it may end.

I’m pretty sure Pug that once the dust settles you’ll be hearing from MIL wanting to sweep this under the carpet and say no more about it.

How you deal with that is up to you. I’m not as quick to say go NC as other MNers.

Just remember that this is a seminal moment. The power sits with you (and Mr P). They haven’t realised it yet but they will shortly.

Only son only grandchild. There’s not a chance in hell they won’t try to make up.

£156 for a wine glass

Ruining your relationship with your DS, DDIL and future DGC = priceless

Actually I feel sorry for your MIL. She was obviously looking forward to her DGC. Lots of women who're married to controlling men like your FIL have bank accounts their husbands know nothing about. I suspect she was planning on paying the extra without FIL knowing when she suggested you send £60.
Whatever, this is a horrible situation. I hope once tempers have calmed you're able to have some kind of relationship with your PILs.

I think your DH was right to get the glass so he can make a clean break in his head. He'll probably need a lot of supporting in the coming months. Having ababy himself will bring a lot of feelings to the fore. It crystallized my DH feelings to his dad, he just couldn't understand how a father could treat his children like it.

Nope don’t feel sorry for the mil to b honest. You talk like she’s some little old lady to be pitied.

I am a mil and was at 49. And a nanna. No way would I condone behaviour like this from my dh. If ever he was mental enough to act this way.

Bravo to DH for replacing the glass - I would have done the same too.
The replacement glass will take on a meaning that will tear their hearts apart. It's a truly symbolic statement and will have a profound impact once their grandchild is born.

^^^ This, very much.

The whole situation is very, very sad and I really feel for the OP's DH, but he did the right thing here.

Replacing the glass is, as stated above by pp, very much a symbolic act and one, which will hopefully give PILs pause for thought and a focus which may bring about a change in their attitudes.

Best you keep them at a distance from now on, op.
Can you imagine the bill you'd get when your baby starts toddling round gran and grandpa's house?

the FIL sounds like a dickhead - personally I hope he grovels, and then shuts up and things can be mended, since they only have one son and a grandchild in the offing. I can't make any sense of why a rich man would take a stand like this over a fancy glass - bonkers.

I'm dreaming of the money I could've charged my family for broken wine glasses over the years - I only have cheap ones but they've broken a lot of them through drunken antics!

Once things have calmed down the onus is very very much at pils door to make it up. I fully believe people deserve second chance however.. Sadly often people like this don't change their spots. We had similar with pils and after reconcile Mil started to behave the same. It' became intolerable. She is ghastly.
But the onus is on them them them, they, fil has created this situation.

Wow, what a thread! Well done to your DH for standing up for you and doing what he did.
Your FIL has behaved appallingly, it was just an accident, they happen FGS!
Everyone just needs to sleep on it now, let the dust settle and hopefully see the PIL will see the light in the future, especially FIL.

Wow, what a thread! Well done to your DH for standing up for you and doing what he did.
Your FIL has behaved appallingly, it was just an accident, they happen FGS!
Everyone just needs to sleep on it now, let the dust settle and hopefully see the PIL will see the light in the future, especially FIL.

This is a truly sad situation and so very unnecessary. Absolutely ridiculous and for a man who runs several businesses it is difficult to understand how he can be so stupid. Me thinks it’s sadly about power and control. But shortly he will realise that it is YOU with all of the power being the parents of the beloved shortly to be GC.
Keep calm as I’m sure this will continue in various forms until you actually get to the bottom of why he has reacted like this. But unfortunately it may well be a very hard situation to come back from. Certainly not worth it on FILs side. There is a well known saying ... “Act in haste and repent at leisure”. I think PILs will have the chance for a lot of reflection in the future sadly.

OP I am so sorry both for you and your DH. I would imagine that your DH has been taking a lot of abuse off his Father (possibly about you) and this was just the last straw.

My DH and I have been there, we returned the car. We did eventually let them back in for contact with our dc but ended up having to go completely NC because they just could not help themselves.

FIL is a narcissistic sociopath who had been abusing DC emotionally and verbally since childhood and MIL is a narcissist who expected DH to play the role of her partner, her feelings towards dh bordered upon incest and made DH feel incredibly uncomfortable (despite no actual abuse). Both hated me with a passion, I was not rich enough, too intelligent (FIL hated that I was more intelligent than him), they didn't like my family.....yadda yadda yadda. They hated DH growing up and taking control of his own life, no woman would have been good enough for him.

I have recently finished reading the books Toxic In-Laws by Susan Forward and Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. They were enlightening! I thoroughly recommend reading them, they may offer you guidance in rebuilding a relationship whilst developing boundaries. Or they may just help you and your dh decide that going NC is the only valid option. I would recommend the In-Laws book first, then the Toxic Parents book as it looks like your DH has grown up in a toxic environment.

It is so difficult if there is no way forward then please look into counselling for your DH. My DH was incredibly distressed when this happened to us and counselling really helped him.

Replacing the glass only remains a symbolic act as long as her dh doesn't cave as she baby comes.. Which is likely.. Because then it just becomes a symbol of subjugation and subservience

I can only imagine the atmosphere at PIL's house right now. What a bizarre think for them to have kicked off about. I think that your DH is possibly going a bit OTT bringing everything back to them in a fit of anger (poss. better done tomorrow or the day after when he can't be belittled by his father for showing his annoyance), but I can totally see why he did it, esp. if this has been brewing between him and his Dad lately.

Please do make sure that PIL's understand that this breach has come about because FIL has been financially manipulative by making you both beholden to him and lulling you into a false sense of security, and then pulling the carpet out from under you with the request for the glass to be replaced - a message sent to YOU and with a reply chased for before you could have reasonably discussed it with your DH.

FIL actively wants you to feel insecure in your relationship with him. I knew someone a hundred years ago who used to pull shit like this with calculated regularity, just to keep me on edge. It's a definite "technique" for handling people (if you're an utter bastard, that is). No wonder your adult DH still feels like he has to gain his father's approval - I bet he's been holding it out and snatching it away for as long as he can remember.

So sorry you had to go through this.

Your FIL sounds very controlling, and honestly, you're both better off without him.

Your DH is great. Tell him Mumsnet thinks he's a hero; he must be feeling terrible right now.

just as an aside, is the car actually insured for hiring it out, mine isn't, both my children are insured to drive it, but I'm sure it wouldn't cover if I hired it to them. It'd just be nice if they replaced the petrol, but tbh not having to drive them places any ore is worth the cost
Mr Pug might want to return it earlier than requested
FIL can sit and admire it while it sits unused in the garage

Wow. What an npleasant FIL.

I doubt the PIL will ever apologise.

PIL will spend an age sitting on their thrones of entitlement waiting for an apology, telling anyone that will listen that they are being denied access to their GC.

Oops... dropped a 'U'
That'll be £200 then...

Just to warn you, my father will behave terribly and when I stand up to him he will cut me off completely. Then after a while he will turn up and carry on as if he was a regular visitor and nothing has ever happened.
I'd expect something similar from your FIL.

Bravo to DH for replacing the glass - I would have done the same too.
The replacement glass will take on a meaning that will tear their hearts apart. It's a truly symbolic statement and will have a profound impact once their grandchild is born.

Bullshit. FIL is far too materialistic, and is all about power and control. He'll simply see the glass as his due.

@caledonionqueen

Wow sounds like my in laws

From your FIL's reaction, it sounds like you broke his best koolaid glass, pugs

At least the ads I'm getting from this thread are somewhat easier on the eye than those from the club wear thread, the other day!