Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

999 replies

pugreverywhere · 03/05/2018 14:55

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

OP posts:
kissthealderman · 03/05/2018 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointythings · 03/05/2018 21:01

So sad it has turned out this way, OP. Your DH is an absolute legend. Be kind to yourselves and each other, allow him to grieve for the relationship he thought he had. Then become a lovely tight unit of three. Your materialistic grasping PILs will not get in the way of that.

themorus · 03/05/2018 21:01

I doubt they will think it over, come to their senses and apologise. As pp said this will become you two being unreasonable about paying for a broken glass and being ungrateful "for everything they have done for you". Fils comment about asking for anything again shows thats how he thinks already :-(

WappersReturns · 03/05/2018 21:02

Your poor DH Sad well done to him though, it's a slippery slope where controlling family with money is concerned. Especially with a baby on the way. They're buying "rights" not just being kind.
Luckily your DH has shown them that they can't push the boundaries with you. Good on him!

kissthealderman · 03/05/2018 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 03/05/2018 21:02

he will expect the car back by sunday with a full tank of gas and the remaining fee

Just for that I'd be unable to resist returning it with the fuel warning light on, filthy dirty inside and out, 4 flat tyres, and with a note on the windscreen saying "There's a big bag of go fuck yourself in the boot. Take as much as you like."

Absolute fucking state of the guy. Your poor DH, OP.

DGRossetti · 03/05/2018 21:03

Sorry this has happened. At least you knew before they can get to be a big part of your DCs life Sad .

expatinscotland · 03/05/2018 21:04

'Not necessarily given how shocked the OP and her DH are over this.

I certainly relatives who have privately done things the wider family would be surprised about despite knowing them for their whole lives.'

That doesn't merit handing over the better part of £200 (for the glass, petrol and whatever his fee is) after he's finally just stood up to his awful dad for once. All it will prove to the FIL is that he's right. Fuck that. Plus, they don't have the money. Wouldn't hand over £200 to a git who doesn't need it when I'm expecting a baby and need money for him more.

themorus · 03/05/2018 21:04

Crossed posts with many experienced pp I see Sad

Atalune · 03/05/2018 21:04

Jeeez talk about cutting your nose off to spite your face!

There were much much calmer ways to deal with this than that.

Shame.

I hope you can mend fences.

Original poster
pugreverywhere · 03/05/2018 21:05

Thanks for the replies everyone, btw! I expected a bit of feedback but with the attention this thread has gotten, PIL can probably read about this in the Daily Mail soon enough lol.

DH has ordered the glass for FIL btw just as he feels it's best if we don't owe them anything. I know this was hard for him but I hope he stays strong, FIL has been treating him like crap for a while so I don't want him crawling back once DC is born!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 03/05/2018 21:08

'DH has ordered the glass for FIL btw just as he feels it's best if we don't owe them anything'

He doesn't owe him anything.

WhendoIgetadayoff · 03/05/2018 21:08

Been reading this all day. So sorry for you mr and mrs pug. You’ve done right thing. FIL sound bankers and miserly and controlling. If he’d said something on day it still would be wrong but you could sigh, decide if you should offer to pay at time, and think less of him in future. But invoicing afterwards? Who does that. Plus charging for a car etc. I feel sorry for all of you but hope FIL realises what an idiot he’s been and apologises and you get over this before baby comes. And congrats on baby.

BMW6 · 03/05/2018 21:08

"There's a big bag of go fuck yourself in the boot. Take as much as you like."

Sad as this situation is that made me proper LOL Grin

Graphista · 03/05/2018 21:10

Op's DH - do not for one SECOND think you have done ANYTHING wrong here. You have done the right thing in supporting your pregnant wife in response to your fathers appallingly selfish, materialistic stance. You should be very proud and he should be utterly ashamed! YOU dh are the hero here.

I don't think fil will ever apologise as he genuinely believes he's in the right and NOBODY would be able to convince him otherwise.

Another good idea for dh is

outofthefog.website

Both in-laws used infantilising language ( "don't you dare" "never ask for anything again") which also displays THEIR immaturity.

"if it wasn't this then something else would have happened further down the line." Completely agree - this is who they really are. Also agree with pp the daily calls from mil were excessive too.

"There's got to be more to this."

Why?

"people don't go this batshit out of the blue."

There ARE people like this, see it frequently on mn. And I've seen in real life too.

"Too many people on mumsnet equate "keeping the moral high ground" with being a doormat." Completely agree!

"It was all about them looking good, and you being beholden." Exactly!

Atalune - really - yet you mention none of them. Plus I highly doubt anything else would get through to someone like fil.

They (IL's) won't "think it over then apologise) it was several days after the breakage he emailed, then he rejected his own sons' attempts to resolve a situation that should NEVER have arisen!

Return the car as requested but honestly I'd advise giving VERY serious consideration to LC from now on. Once baby arrives I'd expect this arse to be worse not better!

Lonesurvivor · 03/05/2018 21:10

Poor dh, this must be hard having his eyes opened so brutally.
He's a good dh though, not allowing you to be walked over. The amount of threads on here where women play second fiddle to in-laws is staggering.

mrcharlie · 03/05/2018 21:12

Bravo to DH for replacing the glass - I would have done the same too.
The replacement glass will take on a meaning that will tear their hearts apart. It's a truly symbolic statement and will have a profound impact once their grandchild is born.

Graphista · 03/05/2018 21:13

You don't owe him the glass - he can return the baby items and bloody well buy it himself!

It's clearly MORE Important to him than his family who he is SUPPOSED to LOVE!

ComedyBoobs · 03/05/2018 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Clutterbugsmum · 03/05/2018 21:14

Send the glass by post hopping the post office drop it a few times with the message saying 'I hope this was worth it' and then leave them to stew.

Thislife2018 · 03/05/2018 21:14

Wow that escalated quickly! I’m really sorry your ILs treated you in this way. You both reacted with strength and dignity so you should be proud of yourselves. As a P.P said it will feel a bit like a bereavement for a time but eventually you should feel lighter, like a weight has been lifted. Much love to you both xx

Graphista · 03/05/2018 21:14

Mind you think I'd find it hard to not order the glass, go round there with a scan pic of baby and go

"Right choose - family or money?"

Lweji · 03/05/2018 21:15

Don't pay for the glass. Just tell them it wasn't your choice to own or use such expensive glasses. They took the risk and they should face the consequences.

DiddimusStench · 03/05/2018 21:15

I’ve been reading with my jaw on the floor. I wish I could say I could’ve believe such moronic behaviour but I can. My own ILs come from a planet where everything is conditional, material value is sky high and love and obedience can be bought. It’s disappointing to say he least. Your DH must be very hurt. But what a man you have there!

Shampaincharly · 03/05/2018 21:15

Fathers Day present! Ha ha!
Glass and superglue.
Sorry for all the bother you have had.