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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

999 replies

pugreverywhere · 03/05/2018 14:55

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

OP posts:
OuaisMaisBon · 03/05/2018 20:49

Our friends, in a poor European country, have just given the house they have bought after many years of hard work, and now have no mortgage on, to their son, whose girlfriend is pregnant with their first grandchild, and who can't afford to rent in the neighbourhood. Our friends don't expect rent from their son. They are also standing as guarantors for their daughter and her boyfriend to be able to buy a flat nearby. They are now "homeless" (living in the house they've given to their son) whilst looking for somewhere to rent themselves. They are not at all wealthy, but they've worked hard all their lives - there is no way they would consider charging either of their offspring rent, or to borrow a car they have no use for, or to pay for anything broken, however expensive it might be - they look after their children, protect them, do their best for them, love them, even though they are in their late twenties and early thirties! It may be the Mediterranean way, and not British, but I truly admire this sense of family and much prefer it to what has been described on this thread.

ilovemakkapakka · 03/05/2018 20:51

Oh - this is sad and unpleasant for you but you can all come back from this. Give everyone time to calm down then you can build bridges. You can be the bigger people by reaching back out to them once the dust has settled. You have very clearly let them know your boundaries and they have behaved badly but not enough to lose a family over. Nice to see you DH standing up for you tho, it was such bad form to email you like that x

SneakyGremlins · 03/05/2018 20:51

This needs to go in classics!

AmazingPostVoices · 03/05/2018 20:51

Too many people on mumsnet equate "keeping the moral high ground" with being a doormat.

Barbarian and Expat I’d replace the glass as a “fuck you and your money” not because I’m a doormat.

This is going to be spun to the wider family that Pug and Mr Pug had a tantrum over paying for a glass.

Personally I’d get out in front of that.

TorviBrightspear · 03/05/2018 20:52

Kudos to your DH. I do think returning the stuff was the right thing to do.. The message from FIL expecting the return of the car, with a full tank and the remaining fee just shows how materialistic he is. I would be surprised if any of the baby stuff had actually been stuff you needed, only stuff they wanted to buy (and which wasn't needed, like the pram).

It was all about them looking good, and you being beholden.

As for the glass, using glasses of that price is only for people who can happily afford to replace them without blinking an eye.

As far as I'm concerned, if you are hosting, then the things you use (glasses, crockery, cutlery) are all things you should not be upset about losing in an accident. they are more easily breakable than phones, tablets, etc, and I would never ask a guest to replace a glass if it were broken. If you choose to serve a drink in a glass costing over £150, then you are the one to bear the cost if it breaks.

themorus · 03/05/2018 20:52

We have similar in the past and are now NC with fil. Its all about control, IE fil still thinks he can control his son despite him being an adult. I agree tat some people use gifts to control people. Those who can't believe this probably have healthy adult relationship with their parents.

My fil couldn't accept he was ever wrong about anything, that his son was an adult with opinions of his own that were very valid (it didn't help that DH had a much more intelligent grasp of life andeducated opinions, but thats beside the point) as an adult his views and right to express them should have been respected.

He also tried to use money as a control too..

Horsedogbird · 03/05/2018 20:53

Shocking!

ADishBestEatenCold · 03/05/2018 20:54

"DH is also borrowing FIL's car and is very tempted to just let to have him have it back after this incident!"

Absolutely he should ... just in case.

Also, you will need to explain to FIL and MIL that your baby won't be able to visit them in their home, because children break things and you could not afford to be continually recompensing them ... but you will try to invite them to your home quite regularly.

showmewhatyougot · 03/05/2018 20:55

Hope you and your husband aren't to badly effected by this x

Let them calm down and see what happens. Hopefully they will see that loosing family over an overpriced glass is really not worth it.

PositivelyPERF · 03/05/2018 20:56

*Evangeline3

Wine, pregnant?*

FFS, read the thread!

expatinscotland · 03/05/2018 20:57

'This is going to be spun to the wider family that Pug and Mr Pug had a tantrum over paying for a glass. '

So what? Everyone who knows the FIL will certainly have clued in what he's like and can see right through him.

headinthecloud · 03/05/2018 20:57

What a horrible situation over a glass. Hope you are both OK and they realise how they could lose you, their son and grandchild over material things.

headinthecloud · 03/05/2018 20:57

What a horrible situation over a glass. Hope you are both OK and they realise how they could lose you, their son and grandchild over material things.

Atalune · 03/05/2018 20:57

Jeeez talk about cutting your nose off to spite your face!

There were much much calmer ways to deal with this than that.

Shame.

I hope you can mend fences.

BMW6 · 03/05/2018 20:57

If I chose to serve my guests a drink in a ridiculously expensive glass that I treasured, chose not to let them know and one was accidentally broken I would never be vulgar and crass enough to mention it, let alone ask them to replace.

They may have pots of cash, but they have no class or good manners.

I agree with PP that they would use expensive gifts as leverage for control.

Nasty, nasty people. Flowers for you and especially your poor DH. How terribly upsetting for him, but TBH better this came to light now rather than later when your child is old enough to suffer their abysmal behaviour.

Ladymadness · 03/05/2018 20:58

Fuck me £150+ wine glass ?! Shock
Who can even afford that ! How many do they have?

Im a clumsy cow and dp has a habbit of knocking things over so i buy mine at poudland ! 😂

diddl · 03/05/2018 20:58

I know it's easier said than done, but really-who would want to bother to see such petty ridiculous people in the future.

If they weren't related, you'd probbaly cut them loose without a second glance.

The fact that they are makes it harder, although in fact it should make it easier as these should be the last people to treat you like this.

KurriKurri · 03/05/2018 20:58

You could send him this one as a replacement

PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass
TrappedWind · 03/05/2018 20:59

FIL is not going to see the error of his ways. He's a wholly unreasonable person, hence the situation arising in the first place.

He won't back down, won't admit any wrongdoings, won't apologise.

I would tempted to go and drop the car off right now.

Then your husband needs to come to terms with the fact that he won't ever be able to go back to having a normal relationship with his parents after this. They're simply too stubborn and petty to admit they've made a HUGE mistake.

Tinkie25 · 03/05/2018 20:59

Totally batshit!

Well done DH

TrappedWind · 03/05/2018 20:59

FIL is not going to see the error of his ways. He's a wholly unreasonable person, hence the situation arising in the first place.

He won't back down, won't admit any wrongdoings, won't apologise.

I would tempted to go and drop the car off right now.

Then your husband needs to come to terms with the fact that he won't ever be able to go back to having a normal relationship with his parents after this. They're simply too stubborn and petty to admit they've made a HUGE mistake.

TorviBrightspear · 03/05/2018 21:00

Yes, return the car (minus petrol and fee), and make sure they know you won't be taking the baby to their house. After all, can't take the risk of breakages.

sciencemad

It sounds to me as though they're trying to put you in your place (bottom of the pack) before the baby comes along.

I also think sciencemad's take was interesting...........

AmazingPostVoices · 03/05/2018 21:00

Everyone who knows the FIL will certainly have clued in what he's like and can see right through him.

Not necessarily given how shocked the OP and her DH are over this.

I certainly relatives who have privately done things the wider family would be surprised about despite knowing them for their whole lives.

mrcharlie · 03/05/2018 21:01

WOW
OP I salute your DH for both his morals and principles.

My parents are VERY controlling. They've bought 2 of my siblings and dictate how they live their lives by using a very large carrot on the end of a stick.....namely free houses to each!!!
Whilst my parents are not as well off as your PIL, they've spent their entire lives evading tax meaning they can buy pretty much as they please.
I told my parents to go and never return. I'm not hoodwinked by the lure of inheritance money. I admire you husband for having the balls to stand up for principles.
Fact is money can buy a lot...but it can't buy everything....as PIL will soon realise.

Some things are just not for sale!!

Stick to your guns and break away....believe me it's liberating.

kissthealderman · 03/05/2018 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.