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AIBU?

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Original poster

PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

999 replies

pugreverywhere · 03/05/2018 14:55

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

OP posts:
HateTheDF · 03/05/2018 20:19

I'm so sorry OP. I think your DH did the right thing and if it wasn't this then something else would have happened further down the line.

Hopefully by a few days your FIL has calmed down and starts to think more clearly and sees the result of his actions. This is down to them and not you. Yes, you broke the glass but accidents happen and if it was that big a deal they should have said that at the time.

I also wouldn't send the car back with a full tank and pay the rest of the fee. Why should you pay the rest if you aren't going to have use of the car?

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 03/05/2018 20:19

I'm so sorry it has come to this. It must be a shock for him, even though he knows what his parents are like.
I've had similar experiences and even if you aren't surprised, it's still a shock. Have you blocked them everywhere yet?

AmazingPostVoices · 03/05/2018 20:19

I do believe that the answers the OP received would have been different if it had been a phone though.

I think the difference Hygge is that glasses are something that regularly get broken. They are fragile and get knocked over all the time. A phone usually takes active carelessness to break.

Even so, if FIL has said at the time “these classes are very expensive I’m not very pleased” I’m sure that the OP or her DH would have offered to replace or reimburse.

But they didn’t, at the time they seemed fine about it. Several days later the FIL writes an email to his pregnant DIL (rather than his son) and chases her by text.

That’s pretty odd behaviour.

Apart from anything apparently the OP’s MIL calls her daily. Why didn’t she mention it the next day?

“this is awkward Pug, but FIL was a bit upset about the glass”.

The whole thing is very, very strange.

They are clearly excited about their first grandchild so why on earth would you set out to nuke the relationship with your DIL and DS?

Even if everyone apologises and makes up on the surface the relationship is never going to recover. They’ve spoiled years of happy families.

There are no two ways about it a DIL is the gatekeeper to your relationship with your grandchild.

What on earth were they thinking?

Lweji · 03/05/2018 20:20

Ups, sorry, forgot to refresh the thread.

Lkjem · 03/05/2018 20:20

Sorry for you and your dh what thoroughly unpleasant and controlling PIL.
Don't leave petrol in the car!
Who on earth charges rent to a son on a car? Never heard of that before.
Taking the unchosen presents back was a brilliant move and shows them neither of you are going to be controlled. Well done!

Jakethekid · 03/05/2018 20:21

I'm sorry for both of you. I can bet you that you/your husband will receive a call from your MIL soon enough. As a mother she will care about not seeing her DGC. Your FIL seems like he's a very detached parent and hopefully your husband sees that he's a better man/parent than he is and shouldn't feel the need to want his dad's recognition anymore.

Have a nice dinner, cup of tea and a cuddle.

Idontdowindows · 03/05/2018 20:21

Dear Pug's husband,

I'm sure you must be hurting right now, but you were right to take a stance for YOUR family: your wife, your growing son.

You did the right thing. Your parents behaved in a manner not becoming kind and loving parents and parents-in-law.

In time you will be glad that you had this experience before your son is here, so that you can make your decisions about any future relationship with your parents with this knowledge.

You're a good man, standing up for YOUR family is the right thing to do.

Bowlofbabelfish · 03/05/2018 20:21

am going to show my DH all your replies to make him feel better.

In all my years on MN I think this is the first ‘husband immediately and without prompting does correct thing by wife and family’ scenario I’ve seen.

Of course he feels shit - he sounds like a good man. But I think he’s done the right thing. He’s sent a clear, firm but non aggressive message that you are a team and that you will not be manipulated.

The ‘never ask for anything ever again’ is interesting isn’t it? Because you didn’t ask for any of that stuff. But FIL is reframing it on his mind to you being ungrateful and him being the benefactor. That’s not a relationship you want.

Let things cool down a bit, and have dh and PILS talk. They need to know that this has shocked and upset you, and that a relationship is built on respect, not one party having the other in hock.

SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 03/05/2018 20:22

I agree that something else has sparked fil off.

This glass was his camel straw. Perhaps feels taken advantage of, your dh irritated him, he doesn't like you op.. Perhaps your not being obsequious enough Grin.
But he has a bee in his bonnet and your pregnant. You have on board the most precious cargo there is.
You must not back down, or approach them or appease them. You must not 🏖 weak.

Maelstrop · 03/05/2018 20:23

They’re cutting off their nose to spite their face. I’m amazed that this has blown up like this. What are your pil on?! Over a glass? Bonkers.

ThisYear · 03/05/2018 20:23

If that is how he treats his family I would hate to be one of his employees.

YouTheCat · 03/05/2018 20:24

There's got to be more to this.

Tiddlywinks63 · 03/05/2018 20:24

Gifts with strings and expecting perpetual gratitude.
My parents can be like this, after many years I have become very wary of accepting any gifts, including Christmas and birthday. It's sad that money means more than friendship and love to some people.

Shedmicehugh1 · 03/05/2018 20:24

Wow that escalated quickly!

Seems FIL is resentful, for letting your dh use his car and all the baby stuff they have got! Seems glass was the ‘final straw’?

SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 03/05/2018 20:24

Slight x post with bowl.

We didn't ask pils for anything either.. And had same treatment.

On this occasion I'm not sure how culpable Mil is though. I'd like reserve judgement there it does sound like she is stuck with nasty peice of work..

AmazingPostVoices · 03/05/2018 20:25

Oh Pug Sad

I’ve just seen the update.

I’m so sorry. Flowers Your poor DS.

I would quietly return the car eith petrol and fee.
I would also quietly send the replacement glass.

I think you want to keep the moral high ground here.

Your PILs will regret this. They haven’t yet realised that the power balance has changed.

It’s not a case of you asking them for anything. In a few months they are going to be desperate to build a relationship with that baby and they can’t do it without a relationship with the two of you.

eggcellent · 03/05/2018 20:25

At least you know you've got a DH who's willing to fight your corner with his family though, it's something you sometimes don't see on here. Especially with a baby on the way, I'm impressed with your man!

Leeds2 · 03/05/2018 20:26

Your DP sounds like a keeper!

Your PIL, on the other hand, sound vile. Assuming there is no back story.

SenoritaViva · 03/05/2018 20:26

It seems he's only rich because he's such a tight bastard.

How ridiculous.

Concentrate on your lovely little family into now, look after each other and maybe they'll start to regret what they've done.

SomeKnobend · 03/05/2018 20:28

"Again? We never for anything in the first place".

InsomniacAnonymous · 03/05/2018 20:29

Your FIL is a total bastard! I feel so sorry for your DH and you. To think that an accident which you thought had been brushed off as such (and should have been) has had these repercussions! It's a big shock and a very brutal wake up call as to just how you're seen by these people. They know your financial situation compared to their own, so even ignoring the etiquette of billing someone for an accident, I have to ask again "Where is the love"? Isn't that an overriding emotion regarding one's children?
They should be ashamed, as anyone reading this thread will be disgusted by them. Treat them with the contempt they deserve from now on but it's so dreadful that an accident has caused such upheaval. They're supposed to be family, for goodness sake, not a posh hotel!

Idontdowindows · 03/05/2018 20:29

I would also quietly send the replacement glass.

Of course not. It's not realistic to expect guests to replace idiotically expensive glasses. That's what insurance is for and I suspect the inlaws have plenty of that as well.

diddl · 03/05/2018 20:30

What an absolute drama over a broken glass.

I wouldn't ask them for anything again-including if they would like to visit or if you can visit them!

JamPasty · 03/05/2018 20:30

Hugs to you pugreverywhere and to Mr Pug.

woodenstag · 03/05/2018 20:30

Aww this is quite sad really. Your fil sounds a bit batshit crazy and now your mil is backing him. I hope you and your dh are ok. Hopefully they will wind their necks in and realise this is all nonsense.