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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

999 replies

pugreverywhere · 03/05/2018 14:55

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

OP posts:
OuaisMaisBon · 03/05/2018 19:57

How Rude!

I'm afraid your PIL may be wealthy but they are lacking in couth; if a guest breaks a glass that you have served them a drink in, you do as your FIL did initially, mop it up and say it doesn't matter, even if you're fuming inside, and forget it or replace it yourself. We have some precious, rather expensive, glasses and the first time we used them, two were broken - we mopped up, replaced them and filled them up and told our guests not to worry about it. Did we invoice them later, did we hell! Mind you, we haven't used them a great deal since, but if they do get broken, it's just life, no invoices issued! I'm fuming on your behalf, this is extremely poor behaviour by your FIL, not by you and your DH!
And I'm afraid Motoko is right: "Oh yes, and regarding the expensive gifts, this type of people will think that buying expensive things for the baby, will give them the right to dictate how you raise the child. They always come with strings attached."
I hope all goes well with the rest of your pregnancy, and you get it sorted in time for your baby to be welcomed into the family without charge.

getoutofthebath · 03/05/2018 19:59

Well, you can't buy class... Wine

BerylStreep · 03/05/2018 19:59

I can't quite put my finger on it, but there is something quite creepy and sinister that the FIL emailed op about the glass, then followed it up with a text to her. Why didn't he raise this with his son?

Hygge · 03/05/2018 20:00

Petulant - not really lol, I'm not sure why I would be disappointed, but okay.

It makes no difference really. It was a glass, it wasn't a tablet, the OP isn't paying for it and her DH is now angry and upset with his parents, it sounds like his relationship with them is damaged, and they've done it all for nothing.

That's all that matters really.

The point I was making is that we don't get to decide if paying £156 for a glass is less reasonable than £156 for a phone or similar. I do believe that the answers the OP received would have been different if it had been a phone though.

You can disagree all you like and pick that bit out of my post but you've kind of said yourself that actually you would expect her to pay for a phone and take more care with it because the value to you/her would have been more immediately obvious and in some way more acceptable to you than the value of the glass.

But we have someone on the thread upset over an Ikea bowl and I'm with her on that one because I have a set of Ikea glasses that cost about £2.00 for three and I'd be sad to see one of them go. Safe to say if one does it will be more than likely me that breaks it, because I am the dropper and breaker in our house.

Sometimes the value of something isn't immediately obvious, or even part of the price. And I think we both agree that's something the OP's PIL's haven't recognised here.

Weezol · 03/05/2018 20:00

I agree that this is probably a last straw for MrPug with his parents.
He wants to make sure his child will not have a repeat of his own childhood at their hands.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/05/2018 20:01

Wow. That escalated quickly. Well done your dh! My mother is controlling. She uses “how dare you” and I’m mid 40’s 🙄. I would suggest your mil may be perhaps a bit controlling at the very least. It’s very full on to call your dil every single day.

Graphista · 03/05/2018 20:01

The gifts with strings attached IS how my parents behave! Seen that movie plenty.

People with no experience of that type of manipulating/toxicity just don't get it.

Op probably comes from a normal family and so didn't recognise the red flags when they appeared - whereas an old cynic like me would've been Hmm straight off

But even I'M Shocked at fil's behaviour. Total wassock!

littlecabbage · 03/05/2018 20:02

I am so relieved to hear how your DH has reacted - called up his parents on their ridiculous behaviour, and supported you. He sounds like a keeper.

Please don't feel that you should have just paid up - no way! They are way out of line here - if you don't want to risk a £156 glass being broken, don't serve drinks for guests in it! If you had given in to this behaviour, I fear what they may have demanded in the future.

Hopefully they will take a good hard look at themselves now.

butterfly56 · 03/05/2018 20:02

Totally agree and very well said Graphista

Achoopichu · 03/05/2018 20:03

I’d ignore

You hold the cards. You are carrying their grandchild

Horrible to say but ... Sorry to say I agree with others, they are batshit

But let them do the running they’re not worth it

notapizzaeater · 03/05/2018 20:04

This will make them realise they can't boss you around anymore

80sMum · 03/05/2018 20:04

I think if it were me, OP, I would have rolled my eyes and coughed up the money for the glass - and then afterwards had somewhat less respect or affection for my in-laws.

How silly of them to make such a fuss!

eggcellent · 03/05/2018 20:04

Sounds like your DH done you out of a few hundred quid's worth of baby gear for the sake of £156, talk about shooting yourselves in the foot!

However, I definitely think that it's wrong to serve someone a drink in a glass that expensive, without telling them, if you'd expect them to pay for a replacement! Not your fault they have ridiculously expensive taste in glassware. If he'd premised the drink with "this glass is £156 and you break it you buy it", I'm sure most people would say no thanks.

Graphista · 03/05/2018 20:04

"I can't quite put my finger on it, but there is something quite creepy and sinister that the FIL emailed op about the glass, then followed it up with a text to her. Why didn't he raise this with his son?" You can't put your finger on it? Really? That would be because a PREGNANT WOMAN seems an easy target to him! Sexist twat as well as the rest!

Sarcasm?

eggcellent · 03/05/2018 20:05

Additionally, he should have mentioned it at the time. It was clearly an afterthought where he decided to be a CF.

InsomniacAnonymous · 03/05/2018 20:06

I'm wondering whether the OP's PIL would send a bill to any guest who accidentally broke something when visiting. If I were the OP I would really want to know the answer to that question, as I think it would be very revealing.

yoyo1234 · 03/05/2018 20:06

Unfortunately I think everyone will be the loser here.

Graphista · 03/05/2018 20:07

I'm wondering if they HAVE friends to invite round as guests at all. I suspect not real friends, maybe business clients who they of course wouldn't bill as it would lose him business!

HarryLovesDraco · 03/05/2018 20:07

They sound awful. Well he does, MIL is trying to appease. I expect she's had decades of trying to manage this horrible man. That's why she said 'don't you dare' she means 'don't you dare disobey FIL and provoke him when I've worked so hard to calm him down'.

ConciseandNice · 03/05/2018 20:07

Your dh is quite a hero OP. It’s such a shame it has come to this all because your PiL are so lacking in manners and class.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/05/2018 20:08

Wow. I'm glad your dh is standing up for you, but it doesn't sound like anyone will come out if this happy.

Weezol · 03/05/2018 20:08

Beryl Good point. I think it may be indicative of his attitude towards his wife and women in general. A glass is part of trappings of the home, so comes under the remit of wifework/housework that he probably deems to be the woman's role.

Of course it could also be that because she is the one that broke it, he's contacted her.

Whatever the reason, it's still deeply unpleasant.

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 03/05/2018 20:08

The OP and dh haven’t shot themselves on the foot- they have stood up for themselves and made those awful PILs realise there are boundaries. Good for you and your dh.

MatildaTheCat · 03/05/2018 20:09

I’m now remembering that Alan Partridge episode when he struggles to find enough drinking vessels and gives someone a plastic container to put washing liquid in the machine. If and when you all kiss and make up that’s what FIL gets for Fathers Day. Grin

ajandjjmum · 03/05/2018 20:09

On the basis that they're normally decent people, I would follow up the return of the items with a letter saying -

You are genuinely sorry for breaking the glass, but accidents happen, and you had no idea of it's value.

You have returned the items to them, as clearly money is important to them at present, and you are able to provide your DC with everything it needs.

I would also say that you are sorry that this situation will obviously have an impact on what has hitherto always been a strong relationship between you, based on mutual love and support, and hope that you can all get over it in the future. It would be a pity for your DC not to know what wonderful people his GPs can be.

Just a thought. Smile