PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

[pugreverywhere]

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

nottwins

Honestly generally agree with you as in the ‘go No contact brigade as mil kissed my newborn without my permission brigsde’

But this is nasty stuff and shows a real disrespect for their pregnant dil. It’s wierd

Bloody hell, what a weirdo!

Just tell them that you have changed your policy re visiting upcoming grandchild and it is now pay-per-view. £15.60 a time, but it they make ten visits the eleventh is free.

I can’t wait to see what DH comes back with and what they’ve said. Do you think they’ll still demand the money for the glass even after he’s returned all the baby gear?

I think your DH knows he has to be firm at this point or god only knows where it'll go. Hopefully he'll get there DFiL will apologise say he realises that he is in the wrong and he doesn't want to upset you, he just reacted badly about aforementioned precious glassware and had a bad day. If not at least you know DH has your back completely.

I groaned when you said DH suggested getting a replacement glass for Father's Day, but then cheered when you said he was taking the baby stuff back.

It is sad though, that they value money more than their relationship with their only child and his family.

Thanks for filling me in, the whole situation sounds awful - hope the DH returning the gifts makes them see how hurtful they are being. Still can't believe a wine glass can cost so much money!!

I really hope your FIL sees how ridiculous he is being and they manage to sort things out.

Tell them to return the Egg and buy six glasses...

Well I just hope your fil is proud of himself. These are the sort of things that can cause family's to never speak again. It's ridiculous. Good on your dh! Hope it all calms down!

How sad. For them that is. Spoiling what sounds like was a good relationship with their daughter in law. Over a bloody glass.

Oh yes, and regarding the expensive gifts, this type of people will think that buying expensive things for the baby, will give them the right to dictate how you raise the child. They always come with strings attached.

Just tell them that you have changed your policy re visiting upcoming grandchild and it is now pay-per-view. £15.60 a time, but it they make ten visits the eleventh is free.

Perfect solution, but I'd say it's 15,60 at a time and you get a free glass after 10 visits!

FIL = what a dick.
Sounds like he is a very controlling man, agree with pp that MIL probably bought you the pram without his permission and he is trying to claw back the money somehow.

Hopefully this will be resolved so you can still have a relationship with the Pil's, if that what you want. It does sound like FIL doesn't view you with much respect.

Go DH though....I've been on MN for prob 17 years and I think this is the first time I've seen a DH/P do the supportive thing!

I think you'll be better off because of this. Either it'll show your PIL they can't be arseholes and it'll make your relationship better or they'll back off all together.

(against shitty PILs I mean)

Sounds like OP and DH have had more than £156 of stuff from PIL, so overall they're still up

Stuff they didn't want. Some people use getting gifts for others as a form of control. Both for forced gratitude ('but I got you ALL THE STUFF') and to have them need to arrange their lives to accommodate the new things - OP already had a pram that fit their desires; PIL sent another that fit their desires, and which one do you think they'd think OP should be using? At least that won't be an issue anymore...

How sad that they've ruined their relationship over a bloody glass.

They sound like the sort of people who know the price of everything (156) and the value of nothing.

I don't know why, but this has got me really angry. If they were my PIL's I would be picturing them in years to come alone with their wine glasses, whilst me and my family were having fun drinking out of Ikeas finest.

"Oh, fuck him off! I'd give the car back and all the baby stuff and tell them to flog that to pay for the wine glass. It was an accident!" Yep!

And he charges his son for borrowing the car?! Tight bastard!

Sounds like mil under thumb too and planning to make up the difference - so it's fil that's VERY well off and mil is possibly being financially abused!

Even £60 for a sodding glass is stupid!!

IL's clearly know the cost of everything - and the value of nothing. For the sake of £156 fil can easily afford they'd rather lose a good relationship with their OWN son and an only child at that! DIL and future grandchildren - complete fucking idiots!

Well done DH for not taking this bullshit!

"Sounds like everyone's been pandering to this crazy man all his life." Yep!

"No, they've never been controlling before, I always got on very well with MIL so this is a total surprise."

NO - I have to say it's clear to me this was NOT the first indication of their idiocy and fixation on materialism -

Insisting on the more expensive BUT unnecessary pram

Charging dh for borrowing the car

Buying a load of expensive things for the baby - did they consult you and dh before buying on preferences or if you'd already bought? Sounds like not. Plus no offence but if you're 6 months you've ages till baby born and sounds like they went nuts fairly early on with the buying.

I'm sure there's other incidents that aren't yet occurring to you.

Controlling, overtaking and bloody rude!

My parents really can be arses and even THEY wouldn't behave like this!!!

"FIL is a very quiet man, very hard to impress, my DH would do anything to make him proud.. so I am very surprised at DH - without me suggesting it - standing up for us like this and dropping the stuff off." Good for him. Sounds like you already knew fil was an arse. What EXACTLY does 'very hard to impress' mean?

Margot had FAR more class! She would never behave like this. Even hyacinth would merely twitch, perhaps faint.

I REALLY don't agree either op or her dh AT ALL in the wrong here.

It truly sounds like fil values money/things WAY more than people FAMILY for that matter, which is about as pathetic as it gets.

Oh OP I hope this is something that FIL says 'look I don't know what I was thinking and I'm sorry it came to this, can we forget it?' and things can go back to normal (if wary about money stuff). Seems a shame.

Off point but I used to think the wine glasses we got as wedding presents were ridiculous expensive until reading this...

OP, how bloody tragic and hurtful that a wine glass is more valuable to your PIL than you, your DH - their only child - and their unborn grandchild. What an incredibly sick and disgusting sense of priorities to have. I'm so sorry for you. What a kick in the teeth.

Why did he tell her he was returning everything.

I feel sorry for her your Mil and I'm afraid it sounds like fil isn't find you of you op.

In the long run it's far better for you to do things your way without this utter dick interfering. In fact we were told they would help with pram I though it meant financially.. Turns out Mil chose pram herself.
We told them that today return it. I mean how the hell can anyone choose a pram you will be using every day.

It shows a multitude of issues there, lack of respect.. Lack of care, massive control issues...

"IL's clearly know the cost of everything - and the value of nothing. For the sake of £156 fil can easily afford they'd rather lose a good relationship with their OWN son and an only child at that! DIL and future grandchildren - complete fucking idiots!"

Very well said, Graphista.

I think op said fil was involved in the pram? And said something like nothing but the best for my gc, —as long as you can afford any ordinary wear and tear breakages when visiting us as well—.

Batshit. People are weird.

I do the empty Nutella jars as well. They do the job quite well

Take disposable wine glasses if your relation recovers in future and have them sign something that means they can’t bill you for any damage any child of yours makes in their house.

Just to be sure.