Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

999 replies

pugreverywhere · 03/05/2018 14:55

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

OP posts:
Deathraystare · 03/05/2018 19:29

So glad your husband has a backbone and supported you.

His parents sounds dreadful! Just because they have a lot of money, they didn't need to spend £££ on prams and suchlike. That sounds very controlling as in "I will buy the baby stuff then I can get what I want"

Please think very carefully about going to their house again. Much better if they view the grandchild at yours. How can you possibly relax at theirs???!

PotteryLady · 03/05/2018 19:29

They have no idea about money- it's a ridiculous amount to pay for a glass. If they couldn't afford to replace then they shouldn't use as everyday glassware. I'm surprised they are not embarrassed about how much it cost.

getoutofthebath · 03/05/2018 19:29

Is DFiL Margot from The Good Life?

FoodGloriousFud · 03/05/2018 19:30

I'd be sending the stuff back too, definitely wouldn't want that lauded over me!

TatianaLarina · 03/05/2018 19:30

They can sit on top of the pile of returned baby stuff and toast themselves in their flash glasses.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 03/05/2018 19:30

Price of a single wine glass: £156

Price of a good relationship with your DIL and mother of your Grandchild: Priceless

This incident is quite revealing. think I’d suspect they think you are just a vessel for their grandchild.

^^This.

I have no family nearby and felt like this has spoilt the good chemistry between me and MIL..

That’s your PIL’s fault not yours.

Glad your DH is taking the baby stuff they bought back to them.

To quote Oscar Wilde: ‘(They) know the price of everything but the value of nothing.’

StrangeLookingParasite · 03/05/2018 19:30

Wow, they get worse and worse! I'm so sorry you have to go through this, pug.

Jakethekid · 03/05/2018 19:30

It sounds a little like your FIL controls your MIL and she is scared of him. Maybe he controls the money and she bought the DGC most of the gifts without his 'say so'.

I'm sorry your having to go through this when your pregnant and I feel sorry for your husband. What a keeper he is though! I can bet your PIL are very embarrassed now

bellabelly · 03/05/2018 19:30

Been following with interest but must have missed the bit about MIL being involved - I was hoping she knew nothing of all the nonsense. Can anyone please summarise what she said so I don't have to trawl back through 20+ pages? Pretty please?

Lethaldrizzle · 03/05/2018 19:30

Your dh rocks

GinUser · 03/05/2018 19:31

Tell DH first.
I have expensive wine glasses, but luckily I am the only person who has broken any of them.
However, I would never, ever, expect a guest or family member to cough up for a breakage. Accidents happen.

Auntpetunia2015 · 03/05/2018 19:32

I love that your DH has backed you straight away this tells PILs such a lot about you as a family unit. I hope you can all recover some sort of relationship after this

MrsMozart · 03/05/2018 19:32

Bloody hell lass.

I hope the inlaws realise how ridiculous and crass they're being.

Juells · 03/05/2018 19:32

@Aprilmightbemynewname

This is why we use empty Nutella jars!!

Not just me, then...

Maybe this has been been brewing for years, for DH. FiL won't have just suddenly changed personality. Charging for the car is a bit of an indicator.

HateTheDF · 03/05/2018 19:33

@bellabelly - I copied it and pasted it for you:

So turns out MIL did know.. She has sent DH a text saying "Dear son if you just transfer 60 quid I will make sure your dad gets the glass xxx) .. Now my dh is packing the Egg stroller and crib and other fancy stuff in the car to drop off at theirs. Unfortunately he will have to hold on to the lended car (for work reasons) until he can find a replacement this or next week..

I haven't engaged with either FIL or MIL since.

billybagpuss · 03/05/2018 19:33

Getoutofthebath, Margot wouldn't have given her the expensive glass in the first place and would have far more class than to mention it, just would have got the cheap glass out next time (I have spent way too much time watching reruns)

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/05/2018 19:33

@Pyjaaaaamas I think the autism suggestion was tongue in cheek as it gets wheeled out for any non-standard behaviour.

Glad DH has backed you OP.

nottwins · 03/05/2018 19:33

FFS, of course FIL was in the wrong to ask for a replacement glass but some people do act a bit oddly sometimes. To lose a good relationship with PILs over it? Massive overreaction.

Sounds like OP and DH have had more than £156 of stuff from PIL, so overall they're still up. Two obvious options would have been

(a) apologise for the breakage (again) but explain that it's out of your budget and you wouldn't have used the glass if you'd realised how expensive it was. If you tell him you can't afford it, FIL would surely give up reasonably quickly.

(b) if you can afford it, you pay up, but request cheap glass on your next visit and have a quiet word about expectations once baby is on the move.

Position clear, without childish game playing. Seems that making the point that you were in the right was more important than family relations.

NB. This does assume no massive backstory that means you all actually hate each other and it's not worth keeping the peace.

womaninatightspot · 03/05/2018 19:34

The MIL suggested that if they transferred £60 she'd get the glass

CatsCatsCats11 · 03/05/2018 19:34

Wow this is all a bit crazy!

Ohmydayslove · 03/05/2018 19:34

PetulantPolecat

Bloody great name to b Fair Grin

MotherofTerriers · 03/05/2018 19:36

Well done your DH. This is so sad - just for a wine glass. But you could never relax round there with a mobile baby or toddler - not without a lottery win! They will want to see the baby so will probably try to build bridges before long.

expatinscotland · 03/05/2018 19:37

'FFS, of course FIL was in the wrong to ask for a replacement glass but some people do act a bit oddly sometimes. To lose a good relationship with PILs over it? Massive overreaction.'

That's for their son to decide. Maybe he's had a lifetime of his father behaving like a twat and this is the straw that broke the camel's back. Maybe he's sick of putting up with him.

'Sounds like OP and DH have had more than £156 of stuff from PIL, so overall they're still up'

Dear god, do people really go round tabulating up the value of gifts others chose to give them and think, 'Well, I'm still 'up'?'

Idontdowindows · 03/05/2018 19:38

Wow, you inlaws are indeed knobheads. What a shame MIL has turned out to be one too :(

But I'm very glad your husband has a backbone and supports you unconditionally.

156 for a glass. Frigging knobheads.

Lonesurvivor · 03/05/2018 19:39

Do not regret not buying the glass. If you gave in for peace now you'd end up doing the same for ever more.

Swipe left for the next trending thread