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AIBU?

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Original poster

PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

999 replies

pugreverywhere · 03/05/2018 14:55

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

OP posts:
Bowlofbabelfish · 03/05/2018 19:18

Are they usually controlling, pug?

It seems like such extreme behaviour - and when you mention expensive presents and and charging to borrow the car I’m getting a picture of people who like things their own way. Well done dh, by the way - makes a change from the usual invertebrate in law doormats we see on here.

I hope you find a way through this - perhaps a strong response first time is the way to go. Leave the door open to an apology from them - I’m just amazed that people could piss off the mother of their only grandkid over something so trivial and petty

InsomniacAnonymous · 03/05/2018 19:18

How upsetting for you and your DH, OP. To think that an accident with a glass should have caused all this. Well, I hope your PIL are proud of themselves. Sad

StaplesCorner · 03/05/2018 19:18

dont you dare come drop that stuff off, we spent a fortune on that - and that was all that mattered to them. After your update I am proud of your DH too and I dont even know him!! Some women would give their eye teeth for a man who actually stepped up and gave the in laws a taste of their own medicine.

As I say, this won't be the end of it but at least now you are wary of them.

expatinscotland · 03/05/2018 19:19

' MIL sent a text saying dont you dare come drop that stuff off, we spent a fortune on that.. He texted back saying that if they don't let him in (they have a locked gate), he will just leave it there by the side. So I guess the damage is definitely done now.. Kind of proud of my DH but at the same time also gutted that it went to this.

This is their first grandchild and DH is an only child so not sure this is all worth it over a glass..

If I wasn't preggers I'd be having a glass myself right now.. but even without the alcohol I am not sure whether to laugh or to cry!'

I'd give their stuff back because they're the type who'd lord it over him. 'Well, we spent a fortune on gifts for X, you owe us' sort of mentality. Your FIL badgered you for a response but then ignored his own son. Glad your DH has shown a backbone. If they don't let him in he's quite right in just leaving it on the side, it's a gift, he can do as he likes with it.

I'd be utterly livid if my parents did this to me or my spouse, but they never would because they're not arseholes (and would think spending that much money on wine glasses is ridiculous).

Oldbutstillgotit · 03/05/2018 19:21

For people comparing breaking a glass to breaking a tablet or phone, the difference is that the OP would know how much such an item cost and treat it accordingly whereas no one would expect to be given a drink in such an expensive glass so would be a bit more relaxed

Knittedfairies · 03/05/2018 19:22

This has turned out to be a very sad thread; the relationship between you and your in-laws, and that of your husband and his parents, jeopardised for £156.

TidyDancer · 03/05/2018 19:22

I am stunned at all this. I'm glad your DH is taking the baby stuff back, your FIL (and MIL for that matter) has probably not had anyone stand up to him before like this.

murmuration · 03/05/2018 19:23

I almost just wish we'd bought the stupid glass now. I have no family nearby and felt like this has spoilt the good chemistry between me and MIL

OP - no no no!!! THEY have spoiled the chemistry. It has nothing to do with you - you are responding like a normal human to an unreasonable request. This type of thinking is how narcisicists and the like get away with crap - others feeling the responsibility for keeping the peace while they continue to push and push and push, and bit by bit things get truly ridiculous. What's great here is that you have NOT taken the responsibility and pushed it straight back on them where it belongs. You have nipped the cycle in the bud. Go you!!

Original poster
pugreverywhere · 03/05/2018 19:23

No, they've never been controlling before, I always got on very well with MIL so this is a total surprise. FIL is a very quiet man, very hard to impress, my DH would do anything to make him proud.. so I am very surprised at DH - without me suggesting it - standing up for us like this and dropping the stuff off.

OP posts:
WhiteFreesias · 03/05/2018 19:23

I was kind of hoping MIL didn't know.

aaarrrggghhhh · 03/05/2018 19:23

You do NOT have a DH problem!

billybagpuss · 03/05/2018 19:23

This is actually really sad, I wonder what really triggered it. I think returning the other gifts will be very damaging to the relationship, but thats easily said from the outside looking in. I know its exactly what I'd want to do in your position.

PurplePumpkinPiss · 03/05/2018 19:23

I'm so glad your dh is backing you. So many times on here you are the dh not do this.

It's crazy they would spend big money on baby stuff and bill you for a broken wine glass.

I hope you can all come back from this. As on only child his parents are being very short sighted. And arseholes.

bonnyshide · 03/05/2018 19:24

I just wanted to say, OP, that it is a good thing you haven't been in touch with them DH is handling it. It could've fanned the flames if you had started sending texts etc.

So sorry this has happened. They have really shown their true colours....and sound very materialistic, focussing on the cost of everything and missing the fact that they are destroying relationships.

Ohmydayslove · 03/05/2018 19:24

tott Grin

Hygue nope as a mil and dh is s fil they sound bloody bat shit crazy. A glass breaks! So what. My first concern would be checking my dil was ok and then refilling her glass.

Inertia · 03/05/2018 19:25

Good for your husband. Can he afford a hire car , given that he’s paying a fee to borrow FIL’s?

I agree with previous posters about giving them the money and then explaining that you will be unable to visit their home again as you can’t afford it. You will also be unable to afford to host them for the foreseeable future either. I certainly wouldn’t take a toddler or mobile baby to visit, you’d be bankrupt in a weekend!

Ohmydayslove · 03/05/2018 19:25

But all jokes apart this is so sad op. Really very sad.

kaytee87 · 03/05/2018 19:25

This is so sad. Your FIL is an idiot and MIL should have told him so. I wonder if he's a bully.
I really hope you manage to mend your relationship with your mil at least op (although it's not your fault).

Aprilmightbemynewname · 03/05/2018 19:25

This is why we use empty Nutella jars!!
You should be proud of your dh.

The posts about mil's of late being still attached to their ds's cords are vast.

RippleEffects · 03/05/2018 19:26

Do you think it's possible your FIL and MIL disagreed over amount to spend on DGC and the wine glass money is him trying to recoup the overspend?

PetulantPolecat · 03/05/2018 19:27

Hygge, why do you need to make a dig about a username? Does it make you feel superior and smug? Because it just shows off your passive aggressiveness. it’s a random username generator website, sorry to disappoint. And I don’t need to address all of your post. Just the parts I don’t agree with.

getoutofthebath · 03/05/2018 19:27

My FiL was a pompous asshat. He made it very clear that he had little respect for me. My DH never stood up for me during his DF's digs (about my upbringing, my weight, my giving up work to look after DC), as he was too conditioned to think that his DF's word was law. He disagreed but he'd never have told him so.

So I used to just nod and take it. You're v lucky that DH is on side with you here, as he should be.

HateTheDF · 03/05/2018 19:28

Like another PP said - I feel proud of your DH and I don't know him.

I once housesat for my VERY rich uncle to help him out. I knew he could be difficult so I didn't use any of their things. I took my own bedsheets and towels. When they returned I got billed for new towels because I had stained their white ones - which I never touched. I went NC after that and ever since my life has been a lot less stressful.

People like that will hold it over you if they ever help you out. You may be able to very slowly get some kind of relationship back if they apologise but I'd be surprised if it ever returned to the way it was. What a shame over a glass.

GlomOfNit · 03/05/2018 19:28

Well done, OP and DH of OP. I think you've nipped this potentially controlling behaviour in the bud. Clearly (based on the tiny amounts I know about your bonkers FIL from this thread Grin ) FIL is essentially insecure about his social standing and overspends on ostentatious purchases in order to look good. He then compounds this naffness by acting like a total twat when something gets broken, rather than trying to make his guest feel, well, like a guest and say 'no no, it's ok, it's just a glass'. Class: he does not have it. Grin

Buying a 'better' (i.e. more costly) pram set when you'd already said you had one is another example of ostentatious signalling, but rather more sinisterly, it's for your child, not for himself. He wants to exert influence by forcing gifts on you. An anthropologist would have a field day!

I mean, what sort of tight-fisted parent charges their ONLY CHILD a rental fee for lending out a surplus car? FFS.

Pyjaaaaamas · 03/05/2018 19:29

Um Tothappy autism doesn’t make people rude or petty, thanks.

OP I’m glad your DH instantly and firmly took your side.