PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

[pugreverywhere]

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

How bizarre 😳

Your PIL are being extremely silly and short sighted to cause friction between you when there's a grandchild on the way.

Your DH is doing the right thing in retuning the baby stuff. It'll serve them right!

hammeringinmyhead I bet they would.

I'm sorry for you OP having this nonsense to deal with when you are pregnant. Dont let it stress you.

It's so refreshing to see a poster on here with a husband who actually stands up to his parents when they do something like this to his wife. Bravo Mr Reg.

Where the hell do you go with the relationship from this point?

I guess you could meet MIL at a naice tea rooms to see her DGC.

The weird control thing would make me not want them in my home and I'd never go to theirs again.

Leave parents and son to resolve it.
Not your fault they sullied the relationship by doing this.
If you do go over again, take your own picnic set in the car and use what you need from that. It is like Mrs Bucket and her "beakers"!
I am sure they will have enough money after returning the baby stuff to buy another set.
You absolutely must not take your child there. They leak from both ends when small and investigate everything when bigger. You just can't afford it.

Mr Reg?! Mr Pug!

I hope they realise what their pettiness has cost them in real terms - a fractured relationship with their DS and family.
How can you ever spend time with them again, knowing that they're totting up how much the pleasure of your company is costing them. A very strange pair.

I would definitely point out to them that there is no way you will be able to afford to visit them again, especially once the baby arrives and is crawling, potentially breaking things.

What utter bastards.

Oh please don't take the things back, please. That's just slapping him in the face and you'll regret it. Please get your dh to sleep on it before he does anything else.

Your MIL has offered you a way out - give her 60 quid and let her deal with it, she knows how to handle FIL, so let her.

Then pretend nothing at all has happened. It will be fine. In a year's time your dh will be joking with his dad about it - "yeah dad, that'd be great, how much are you going to charge me for it?" etc.

Please don't act now. Leave it.

who does this?!?

What a sad state of affairs.

I'm absolutely flabbergasted that this isn't a misunderstanding and that they actually want the money for the broken glass.

They need it spelling out that you will not be able to visit them again. How could you relax knowing that you could be billed for any random thing you accidentally broke?

Relationship ruined for the sake of £156. Ridiculous.

Good on your DH for now standing up to them.

If I smashed such an expensive glass, id just give them the cash. Why create so much drama. If it had been an pad you dropped and smashed everyone on here would say pay to replsce the screen. Madness to return all the stuff for the baby, complete over reaction.

Your husband is right to take back the baby stuff.
Tell them to return it and get their £156 from that.

You cannot bill guests for wine glass breakages, it's ludicrous.

Fil sounds very controlling and that he wants to own you. I’d run for the hills.

How weird!

I agree with pp’s that the specific contact is batshit

but there’s probably some much deeper issue going on?

Does FIL have some grand calculating scheme to make your DP more mercenary/money aware?

as from what you say there’s a discrepancy between how money orientated he is as an adult Male, compared to FIL?

Could he see you as someone who is limiting your DPs career/financial opportunities? How old are you both?

Which I agree is very unpleasant but a lot of ambitious parents have rigid ideas about the kind of people their children will become/who they’ll partner up with

Just look at the threads from posters having kittens because their child doesn’t WANT to go to X university or study medicine.

Especially if there’s a boyfriend or girlfriend, often the parent blames them for little Timmy not wanting to go out and conquer the world.

Either way it sounds like it’s not about the glass - it’s a passive aggressive control thing. You won’t get a straight answer from him about his motivations or logic, EVER.

It might be that the choice you have is either NC (and also accept you lose out on any support/inheritance that might be forthcoming) or you keep in touch and probably have more instances of weird shit like this?

There’s no easy option - I mean I know someone whose mother was controlling with money (playing similar nasty games all the time)

she endured it for a long time, but in her early 40s she got her mortgage paid off, so maybe that was worth it for her?

Is DH an only child? If so, it's even more bizarre as you will be the gatekeeper to their gc.

I think you should suggest a repayment plan. Maybe offer to pay them £1 a month for the next 13 years. You could deliver it to them in 1p pieces every month.

Out of interest, are there any other siblings or DGC yet?

I've got £156 wine glasses - who knew?! They were a wedding present 20+ years ago from my parents' best friends - cost £40 each and when I was considering buying a couple of extras a couple of years ago I think they were £80 so crystal prices have obviously gone up!

In any event they're being ridiculous. We don't use ours everyday, but we do use them if we have people round for dinner and as a pp said, they're tough as anything. I admit I'd be a bit sad if one got broken, but I wouldn't dream of telling the 'breaker' what it would cost to replace, let alone expect them to pay for it. If you use things, sometimes they get broken, that's a risk you take. Take your own plastic one next time op - maybe a Disney one!

I agree they wouldn't have bothered if it was their son who broke it!

"Sorry, can't come over, late pregnancy has made my hands swollen and I wouldn't want to risk dropping anything..."

"Sorry we'd better not come to yours till little one has full control of her coordination. See you in 6 years!"