To feel robbed of a delivery experience

[callmehannahbaker]

I was in labour for 2 hours, I pushed for 14 minutes. I had 20 people in ready to rush me for a c section but I pushed against their wishes.

I only have that from notes-I remember none of it.

I watch OBEM and wish I had an experience of birth.

Aibu to wish I had a birth I remembered?

And Haribols you might want to educate yourself on exactly what being traumatized means, in a medical sense. It's not something that can be chosen and you are using the word too lightly.

*The rather obvious point I was making is that a grown adult female with a functioning brain should not need it pointing out that labour can be unpredictable, messy, bloody, fast, slow, deadly, boring, a piece of piss and everything in between"

So no-one should be surprised by any part of the birth process or find it challenging if they've done their research?

Jesus Christ, anyone can be traumatised by anything if they decide to be

People 'decide' to be traumatised?

She didn’t say she was robbed of delivering a baby. She said she couldn’t remember the experience of delivering a baby. You’re so busy snarling at her for mentioning OBEM that you’ve entirely ignored what she actually said.

haribo you’re talking total shit with all respect.

I don't believe that the OP said that she was traumatised ....

That's other posters interpretations, not hers.

She asks if she's being unreasonable to wish she remembered.

Did someone actually just suggest that someone who may or may not suffer from PTSD “give their head a wobble”? I really really dispair of the human race at times! I’m horrified by this thread. I suffer from PTSD after a birth trauma, which I’m not going to go into here cos it’s irrelevant. I’ve sufffered years of flash backs, memory issues, physical pain, panic attacks, mood swings, depression, isolation, secondary infertility, anger issues, suicidal thoughts etc. The lack of understanding about someone’s trauma and mental health is sickening! It might be too traumatic for her to write about her full feelings and experiences and chosen to focus on one issue. The op clearly stated there were 20 people in the room. Unless she’s royalty and one was the Archbishop of Canterbury it’s clear that something was going very very wrong with the birth! As a pp has stated the ops reaction to this would most likely be bound to her life full of experiences. Are people so unkind and self centred that they can’t see this and sit so judgementally over peoples mental health. Op I hope you find better support in real life some comments on here have been written by people who should hang their judgemental heads in shame it’s disgusting that in this day and age people think like this. Please pop over to the birth trauma associations Facebook page to get some real support.

When you've finished rolling your eyes, Haribo, you're saying nothing more that the other awful comments upthread, it is precisely the experience of real trauma that makes me so dismissive of people like the OP

Back to the sliding scale of 'real trauma' and 'my experience trumps yours' and whose trauma is valid and whose isn't.

You sound incredibly unenlightened and lacking in empathy.

Short version: Shut the fuck up, women. Your issue isn't big enough to be listened to.

Haribo your posts show that you do not understand the psychological condition of post traumatic stress disorder and other associated conditions. If you do indeed have knowledge of them, then you might want to think about how to change the tone of your posts to reflect that.

you’re talking total shit with all respect

Yeah, that always convinces me I'm wrong

Something you hear a lot then?

AIBU to feel robbed of a delivery experience?"

Yes. Because she does not remember it. As she explains. She feels robbed of the experience because the experience is missing from her memory.

What she does not say is “Aibu to feel upset that I didn’t have a perfect ‘experience’ that happened the way I wanted it to?” That’s what you read into it, by seeing the words “OBEM” and “experience” and jumping in to tell her off for it.

You are so furious about this thread Haribo, that you've given OP a kicking over several posts. That's not emotionally healthy. So maybe you should work though that anger without taking it out on someone you don't know whose experience doesn't impact yours.

I think that selling the idea of birth as a magical experience is damaging for women. All it does is create exactly the kind of bad feeling that can be seen on this thread. It makes women feel guilty for not having a natural birth, or for not finding it 'magical' if they do, or makes them envious of those who have had a 'better' or more 'authentic' birth experience than them. Surely the point of childbirth is to produce a baby. Successful childbirth is one where the mother and child come through it safely and in good health.

Well Haribo I’m quite happy to repeat/expand my earlier post saying that I’m a HCP who works with women with birth trauma providing a birth debriefing service.

What the OP is experiencing happens. It’s out of her control and she can’t help it. The level of trauma or non trauma is not proportionate to the physiological upset. There’s a lot of research out there to back that up.

I’ve met women who have nearly died and even a couple of years down the line say that they’re fine about what happened/never had issues. And I’ve met women who on paper had great births and are traumatised by it. This is more common when there’s memory loss as in the OPs case.

Haribo, with the greatest of respect it doesn’t sound like yourr “getting on with it” approach is actually working. You seem to have extreme anger issues. If you’d just got over it so easily why come out with such anger towards the OP? Surely having experienced a difficult birth you could have some empathy, with 20 people in a room it’s clear to see that there were issues well beyond what the op is describing. Who are you trying to prove you can just “give your head a wobble” and get on with it, the OP or yourself. I wish you ever luck in dealing with you experience going forward.

Of course yanbu OP. Your feelings are your feelings. They can never be wrong. They just are.
Don't take anyone else's projecting to heart.

Haribo. Not everyone is you. It’s great you didn’t feel you needed a debrief but saying that people should get a grip/move on is not always helpful. People can’t help how they feel. The OP just wanted to be able to remember her birth, not have a perfect one. Having gaps in your memory can be upsetting no matter what did or didn’t happen during that time.