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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being treated like her unpaid skivvy! AIBU?

266 replies

tequilamockingbird123 · 02/05/2018 20:55

Apologies this is so long....Ok so quick bit of back story. I live overseas and relocated last summer. I had to live in my new home country for 6 months before I could work, and then apply for a work permit so I’m currently job hunting and doing odd dog walking / cat sitting jobs to fill my time and for a bit of pocket money.

I met a girl who lives in my street a few months back and we became friendly. I would say we have got together maybe 3/4 times over the past few months either to go for walks or have a glass of wine, but don’t chat in between meet ups. We’re friendly but I wouldn’t quite call her a friend.

Anyway. Said girl is going on holiday for 10 nights and sends me a text on the day before she leaves to ask if I can sit her dog whilst she is away. 10 days is quite a commitment as she has to be walked 4 times a day and I know she is taking advantage of the fact that I don’t work. I said I could only do it if she could cover some costs as I wouldn’t be able to commit to any other sitting jobs during that time. She already mentioned that she would be paying £30 a day if she hired a stranger but she would much rather have someone local and known to her do it and could we agree on £20 per day, so I agreed.

She told me her flight was leaving late on the Friday so I just needed to do the evening walk and then the usual 4 visits between then and her returning. Here is the start of the cheekiness....!

Firstly I then woke up on the Friday morning to a barrage of texts from her sent at 5am. Supposedly they mixed up their flights and they left at the crack of dawn that day - meaning I then had to dive out of bed to run over to take the dog out as she had been in all night without a pee etc and have an additional day of walking.

When I got to the house, I saw that there are two lots of medication set out on the side for the dog, to be administered morning and evening. This is not a major issue, but was not mentioned during any discussion on looking after the dog.

There was also no money left for me as payment. Now, I would never ask for money from a friend or a family member for helping out with something like this, but as we only know each other briefly and it was agreed that this was a paid sitting job, I was expected the payment to be left for me. No payment, no mention in any of the texts that I woke up to about when she would pay me.

I then go to feed the dog after her first walk. Huge big bag of dog food with probably 3 days worth of food in (they are away for 10 days!) Quick look around did not find any extra food so I text her to find out if there was any additional food. Got a text back 8 hours later saying “ooops I forgot to check how much was left”. I replied to say there was only a couple of days left, to which she said she would order a bag on amazon fresh. I said I’d happily buy the dog food if she sent me the cash by bank transfer - no reply.
2 days later, no dog food has turned up, the bag is now empty and she hasn’t replied to tell me what’s going on. I guess she’s assuming I’m just going to buy it - I’ve not had an income in 7 months so I’m certainly not in a position to do that (the food they have is a huge £40 bag!).

Messaged again this morning asking if they’re having a good holiday and whether she ordered food. Again, no reply however I know she has been on her phone as she has been updating photos from their holiday about an hour ago. Also I should add that with where they are in holiday, there is very little chance that she is not receiving the texts due to signal etc. She has also not once asked if the dog is ok, if everything is ok with the house etc - it’s been 4 days since they left.

So my AIBU is would if be out of order of me to message her to say I can only look after the dog until the end of the week and then she will have to hire a sitter? I’m now going to have to buy dog food as I wouldn’t dream of just leaving the dog without (I actually feel really sorry for her), but I just feel she is treating me like a bit of a mug as she thinks I have nothing better to do with my time.

OP posts:
Devilishpyjamas · 03/05/2018 06:29

If the pet sitting forum I was in is anything to go by American pet sitters are a bit scary (believe me they don’t sit around waiting to be paid & the ones on that forum would be charging to pick up food). She may live to regret pissing you off Grin

80sMum · 03/05/2018 06:57

Ah well, OP, you live and learn - and I hope this has enlightened everyone else, so others don't make the same mistake.

In future, if this sort of arrangement crops up again, make sure, at least a couple of weeks in advance, that both parties are absolutely clear about what has been agreed, including when payment will be made, what form of communication you will use to contact each other in emergencies etc etc. If payment is to be made in advance, arrange to collect it the week before the departure date, for example.

NCJaneDoeNut · 03/05/2018 07:07

Shame her on FB.

MaryLennoxsScowl · 03/05/2018 07:35

Pawn her TV.

(I did read the thread and know you’ve now got food money, but it would serve her right to get home to a pawn ticket and a note saying you needed food money and she wouldn’t reply so she can reimburse the pawnshop at her leisure rather than you!)

Shen0102 · 03/05/2018 08:03

I'm not sure if OP is just enjoying the attention as most on here are on her/his side or if OP just feels guilty in ruining some ones holiday..

if you had taken half of the advice you was given on here you wouldn't be in this predacame at all and you sure as well would know whether she was going to pay you or not. You didn't have to ask in an aggressive way or embarrass her on FB, all you had to do was say you haven't seen your payment and also asked again when she only transferred only dog food money..then you go and preach about how you're not a push over after all this hard evidence that you clearly are as to the way you handled the situation.

You might not care about your money to ask for it but you can at least ask after the well being of the dog after saturday as if she tries to get you and just give it medication without walks etc it will be obvious she hasnt arranged someone else by now, which then you should get officials in your country involved who deal with abandoned or neglected pets to sort this shit out as all adults involved are not being assertive.

Put your shit together and do the right thing for yourself and the dog. Get your pay and save the poor dog !

LifeBeginsAtGin · 03/05/2018 08:09

I think it's also a lesson that us Brits over worry and get 'anxiety' over every little thing. I'm not saying leave your dog with no food but just in general.

Anniegetyourgun · 03/05/2018 08:11

"Save the poor dog" and "get officials involved who deal with abandoned or neglected pets to sort this shit out" are kind of mutually exclusive, though. The most likely thing for the officials to do is impound the dog, either to rehome after a stressful time or to put it down. They certainly aren't going to step in as dogsitters, nor to compel owners to pay up or cut their holiday short Hmm OP has put the dog first in the whole business, which is right and decent, and sadly is what the CF has been banking on.

Devilishpyjamas · 03/05/2018 08:14

How has the OP ‘ruined’ someone’s holiday?

Shen0102 · 03/05/2018 08:19

the OP feels like they might have/be
ruining someones holiday.

Also They don't want any beef/grievance as noted in their earlier response but this is one situation when they might need to be assertive.

Musereader · 03/05/2018 08:28

Ha, as you are in the states i would take her on judge judy. She has a dog, she knows about dog sitters and she would award you straight away. And you would get the money and $100 too.

GruffaIo · 03/05/2018 08:38

(In the UK) I've always paid dogsitters at the end of the job, though sometimes paid a deposit at the start. So, she might yet pay you unless the norm in the US is always to pay at the start - but would she know this? Ie. has she used a professional dogsitter before?

Dondie · 03/05/2018 08:38

Why don’t you message her again saying “got the money for the food thank you, if you can transfer the money for x days dog sitting please too”.

Roomarmoset · 03/05/2018 08:42

Some of these comments are shocking! My mum is coming to house sit for me next week and look after my cats. I've already made sure there's enough food in the house, I would never expect her to go out and buy more food! I'm also doing a food shop to make sure there's enough food in the house for her and I'll leave some money in case she needs anything. It's common courtesy even though my mum would do it for free I would never expect it.

This woman should have made sure there as enough dog food and she should have discussed when payment was going to be made.

OP you are a wonderful person for helping out this lady and she should be bloody grateful. Please ignore some of the comments on here. You have a done a nice thing and unfortunately it has backfired but that isn't your fault.

GruffaIo · 03/05/2018 08:44

Oh, and I've always left enough food, etc. to last the duration of the trip - it's usually left out separately from any spare, so they can see how much they're expected to use. When one dogsitter (who was a friend, who we insisted on paying the full commercial rate to) had to take a dog to the vets, we phoned the vets from overseas to arrange that they would invoice us so the friend didn't have to pay anything. So it does feel cheeky to me not to plan ahead.

That said, I looked after a neighbour's elderly, ill cat for a week, visiting it three times a day for free, and I ran out of the antibiotic it needed for an open wound. So I had to go to his vets and buy more. Neighbour wasn't being cheeky, just not the best planner and not used to leaving the cat and having to plan for it.

Roomarmoset · 03/05/2018 08:50

I agree @gruffalo the lady should have planned ahead, knowing she was going away for that long she should have checked the dogs food.

UrsulaPandress · 03/05/2018 08:54

I pay anyone who looks after my horse when I return from a trip, but I do leave money for incidental expenditure.

Blobby10 · 03/05/2018 09:33

Tequila your neighbour sounds just like my old neighbour/ex friend!! She would often go away for the weekend/week and I would get a text the day, evening before she left asking me to look after her dog and other animals. One morning she even dropped it off at 6.45am on a Saturday as they were driving off, knowing that I was too soft hearted to say no.

The time I got some backbone and said no I cant have your dog cos its winter and when the dog is here our elderly cat is too frightened to come inside she effed and blinded at me in MY house and we haven't spoken since.

Like you, I loved the dog and the owner knew that so played the guilt card with 'oh you can just leave her at the house and go in twice a day to walk and feed her' knowing full well that I wouldn't leave the dog on its own for days at a time! Some people just shouldn't have animals.

bettytaghetti · 03/05/2018 09:59

I would be tempted to make a copy of the key & then if she doesn't pay you on her return I would go into her apartment when she's at work and put prawns in the curtains or whatever vindictive evil plans the mn vipers can come up with! Grin
Failing that, I like Musereader's plan to go on Judge Judy!

Ghostontoast · 03/05/2018 10:22

I wouldn't do anything such as pawn stuff, hold stuff to ransom, copy keys or plant prawns.

This lady probably knows that you can't be employed due to visa reasons, and if she reports you to the authorities for some perceived misdemeanour, and it comes to light that you expected her to pay you, then you may be turfed out of the country pronto.

Chalk it up to experience.

senua · 03/05/2018 10:32

Just because she send money 'for food' doesn't mean you have to spend it on food. I would buy minimum/cheapest food and keep the balance for the sitting fee (unless and until she coughs up).

SandAndSea · 03/05/2018 10:41

If you're concerned about her not paying you, when she's home, send her a text reminding her of your bank details for the payment. Eg. "Hope you had a good trip home! Just a reminder that my bank details for payment are: .. It came to £xxx, ie £20 per day for x days. See you soon, OP.

Alternatively, write it in a notelet and leave it by her kettle.

senua · 03/05/2018 10:44

I would buy minimum/cheapest food

Or - if you do buy the expensive food - store it at your place, not theirs.

StormTreader · 03/05/2018 10:50

"You only seem to have sent over the money for the first two days sitting? Please send the rest - xxx for the xxx days sitting + $40 for the food so I can head out"

TomRavenscroft · 03/05/2018 10:53

You're lovely, OP, the way you talk about the dog Smile

She's being very disingenuous and is also a bit thick: “Hey sorry, haven’t had phone!' So who's been putting your photos up, then, bitch?!

It's really difficult. I know you wouldn't want to see the dog go hungry, but why the hell should you front up the money for food?!?!?

TittyGolightly · 03/05/2018 10:55

She’s going to get some other mug to do it, then tell you she can’t afford to pay you because you broke the contract and she had to pay all of the money to someone more expensive after you abandoned her dog.

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