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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being treated like her unpaid skivvy! AIBU?

266 replies

tequilamockingbird123 · 02/05/2018 20:55

Apologies this is so long....Ok so quick bit of back story. I live overseas and relocated last summer. I had to live in my new home country for 6 months before I could work, and then apply for a work permit so I’m currently job hunting and doing odd dog walking / cat sitting jobs to fill my time and for a bit of pocket money.

I met a girl who lives in my street a few months back and we became friendly. I would say we have got together maybe 3/4 times over the past few months either to go for walks or have a glass of wine, but don’t chat in between meet ups. We’re friendly but I wouldn’t quite call her a friend.

Anyway. Said girl is going on holiday for 10 nights and sends me a text on the day before she leaves to ask if I can sit her dog whilst she is away. 10 days is quite a commitment as she has to be walked 4 times a day and I know she is taking advantage of the fact that I don’t work. I said I could only do it if she could cover some costs as I wouldn’t be able to commit to any other sitting jobs during that time. She already mentioned that she would be paying £30 a day if she hired a stranger but she would much rather have someone local and known to her do it and could we agree on £20 per day, so I agreed.

She told me her flight was leaving late on the Friday so I just needed to do the evening walk and then the usual 4 visits between then and her returning. Here is the start of the cheekiness....!

Firstly I then woke up on the Friday morning to a barrage of texts from her sent at 5am. Supposedly they mixed up their flights and they left at the crack of dawn that day - meaning I then had to dive out of bed to run over to take the dog out as she had been in all night without a pee etc and have an additional day of walking.

When I got to the house, I saw that there are two lots of medication set out on the side for the dog, to be administered morning and evening. This is not a major issue, but was not mentioned during any discussion on looking after the dog.

There was also no money left for me as payment. Now, I would never ask for money from a friend or a family member for helping out with something like this, but as we only know each other briefly and it was agreed that this was a paid sitting job, I was expected the payment to be left for me. No payment, no mention in any of the texts that I woke up to about when she would pay me.

I then go to feed the dog after her first walk. Huge big bag of dog food with probably 3 days worth of food in (they are away for 10 days!) Quick look around did not find any extra food so I text her to find out if there was any additional food. Got a text back 8 hours later saying “ooops I forgot to check how much was left”. I replied to say there was only a couple of days left, to which she said she would order a bag on amazon fresh. I said I’d happily buy the dog food if she sent me the cash by bank transfer - no reply.
2 days later, no dog food has turned up, the bag is now empty and she hasn’t replied to tell me what’s going on. I guess she’s assuming I’m just going to buy it - I’ve not had an income in 7 months so I’m certainly not in a position to do that (the food they have is a huge £40 bag!).

Messaged again this morning asking if they’re having a good holiday and whether she ordered food. Again, no reply however I know she has been on her phone as she has been updating photos from their holiday about an hour ago. Also I should add that with where they are in holiday, there is very little chance that she is not receiving the texts due to signal etc. She has also not once asked if the dog is ok, if everything is ok with the house etc - it’s been 4 days since they left.

So my AIBU is would if be out of order of me to message her to say I can only look after the dog until the end of the week and then she will have to hire a sitter? I’m now going to have to buy dog food as I wouldn’t dream of just leaving the dog without (I actually feel really sorry for her), but I just feel she is treating me like a bit of a mug as she thinks I have nothing better to do with my time.

OP posts:
tequilamockingbird123 · 02/05/2018 23:39

Mumsnet - the parallel dimension where you are considered a “pushover” if you don’t immediately turn into the hulk the minute someone takes the piss 🤢

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 02/05/2018 23:40

you should ask her to transfer your fee as well.

gillybeanz · 02/05/2018 23:40

I'm not so sure OP, there seems a lot of mugs about today, and I'm not talkin coffee.
I find it strange that having a personality trait pointed out to you, has the result of you calling the person helping you, rude.
That may be part of your problem OP.
The rudest person is the cf friend who played you for a fool.

Ruffian · 02/05/2018 23:41

I assume pp are suggesting that you might not be bona fide OP, as in you haven't got your 'story' straight.

I saw a thread pulled at weekend because pp had gone through OP's previous posts and found discrepancies in posts re sex of her dc. Thread Police are watching you! Wink

tequilamockingbird123 · 02/05/2018 23:41

I’m not in the UK so it’s not as easy to transfer money here as it is back home. She messaged about an hour ago to say that she’s on her way back to the hotel and will download the app to transfer when she gets there. I’ve asked her to tell me once it’s done, so now we wait!

OP posts:
tequilamockingbird123 · 02/05/2018 23:44

Neither yourself or the other person that called me a push over offered any advice....? People really need to live in the real world where it’s just not possible to smash down someone’s door down the minute someone is taking the piss. And in response to getting the sex of the dog wrong because it’s a made up story - f@&k me I’m not a pushover AND a sad cow 😂

OP posts:
tequilamockingbird123 · 02/05/2018 23:45

@gillybeanz your reply has cheered me up no end 😂

OP posts:
Charliecatpaws · 02/05/2018 23:45

Hope you get your money tequila very soon, you’re obviously a lovely person and animal lover

HeebieJeebies456 · 02/05/2018 23:47

you are considered a “pushover” if you don’t immediately turn into the hulk the minute someone takes the piss

Errrrrr......she's been majorly taking the piss out of you since last friday morning ..........

tequilamockingbird123 · 02/05/2018 23:48

Thanks @charlie, I’ve think I’ve given up on getting the money for the sitting tbh. Lesson learned eh, don’t be nice (or you’ll be labelled a pushover!).

OP posts:
AhNowTed · 02/05/2018 23:48

OP Ignore the nit-pickers (seriously what does the sex of the dog have to do with anything) and the victim-blamers (they can't understand that some folks are just nice and expect the same in return).

But your so-called friend is a cheeky bitch, has basically abandoned her dog and doesn't give a shit.

PLEASE ask her for a bank transfer for you and the dogs basic needs.

tequilamockingbird123 · 02/05/2018 23:49

So how would you have played it Heebie? Very curious to know how all these assertive, confrontation power houses approach life?

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 02/05/2018 23:49

I would be posting on fb; she clearly needs prompting. You could maybe write something like:

Sorry to be posting here but, as you know,

SandAndSea · 02/05/2018 23:51

(X-posted with lots of posts cos I'm slow.)

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 02/05/2018 23:52

What a CF! Yes, you’re probably too nice but I couldn’t abandon an animal either. If that money’s not there pronto, I suggest getting all over her FB page. Shame the selfish negligent bitch.

tolerable · 02/05/2018 23:52

yabu. Shes possibly not flawless,who is.you agreed to sit the dog,she muddled flights/left i hurry.shes on holiday. post under pic updates-hope your having fab time,my sms must not be reaching you-the dog food hasnt arrived/not for fbk ,but utterly dependant on it to continue care of dog. sos. could be i give people the benefit of the doubt.could be she was "holiday focused",trusts you enough to look after dog/gave you keys to her home and could be she didnt stop to think about it in depth if you financially apple to afford dog food. ....payment for any other work is usually in arrears/after the event-no?
treated like her unpaid skivvy sounds really harsh. where dya get that notion.??

GrandTheftWalrus · 02/05/2018 23:53

Any money yet?

tequilamockingbird123 · 02/05/2018 23:54

She’s also my neighbour, so I’m less inclined to be charging in with the confrontational approach lots of people would (supposedly 🙄) take. I’m far from a push over but like to live my life very drama free.

OP posts:
GrandTheftWalrus · 02/05/2018 23:54

Tolerable are you the friend?

tequilamockingbird123 · 02/05/2018 23:55

@tolerable have you actually read the thread and the rest of the comments?

OP posts:
tequilamockingbird123 · 02/05/2018 23:55

@grand 😂

OP posts:
tolerable · 02/05/2018 23:56

financially apple.../able.oops. i answered before thought to read other responses.wow

HeebieJeebies456 · 02/05/2018 23:57

My advice - I'd have left a blunt message on her facebook posts the first time they went up after her ignoring your texts - guarantee she can't claim not to have seen it then!

Given your recent update , i'd text/fb her with a deadline to transfer the money and tell her the exact amount....
If the deadline passes with no contact and no funds, i'd arrange to transfer the dog to a rescue shelter because the owner has effectively abandoned it...THEN text her informing her.

I would not continue to look after the dog/buy food knowing she won't pay up

tequilamockingbird123 · 02/05/2018 23:57

I have 3 cats and travel quite a bit. I would never dream of leaving my cats with the sitter without 1) making sure there is sufficient food / treats / litter to cover my WHOLE trip and 2) leaving their payment. I don’t know of any pet sitters, be in individuals or companies, that work for payment after the job has been done.

OP posts:
tolerable · 03/05/2018 00:01

@Grand Theft Walrus.... lol.nope. ...