Overheard my cousin say “We asked <my name> she daren't say no :(

[cocktailsausages]

As above. My cousin asked me to help her move, no petrol money offered, not even a bed for the night as she wants to spend first night in new home with her partner alone. I said yes and here I am, worked all morning, soaking wet, was waiting for her in the car outside to follow her to new place, she didn’t come out so I went back in her hall and heard on say on the phone to someone that she’d asked me to move her because I daren’t say no to her.

I always help out when I can, I’ve taken a day off and driven a long way. Now I feel used.

.

The lads who did our move told us they were all on the NMW (!!) so I'd be working out the number of hours and add in your petrol costs and sending her a text requesting payment! What a cheeky cow she is. Then have nothing more to do with her. She clearly thinks she can be awful to you; give her some back.

Your cousin is a horrible human being. I hope you have dumped her stuff and gone home now. Shame you didn't see the kettle flex under the seat of your car!

Thank you all again! You have made me smile today.

All done. Arrived at new place with phone dinging all the way (cousin asking where I was). Partner was still unloading van fretting that he wouldn’t get it back in time. He is as clueless as her. As soon as I drove up he started moaning that he’d been waiting for help with the stuff it had taken two people to load this morning. I told him that I was going home as soon as I was unloaded.

I did help get stuff out of my car just to make the job quicker but left it on the drive. Not raining here. I unloaded the kettle and was laughing like a mad person, witnessed by the partner, at your comments about the lead. He will think I am deranged! Then I left and now I’m in a coffee shop. I didn’t even say bye.

Phone has gone quiet now so I presume cousin knows I’ve been to her new place. Might text her tonight with petrol money request when I’ve had wine. Right now going to go home for a soak.

Thank you all again. I felt horrible earlier but now I feel like I’ve turned a new leaf.

Gah, OP I feel for you. I used to be such a people pleaser but had so many incidents with people completely taking the piss. After an initial period of bitterness and some ‘why me’ self-pity trip, I have examined my motives a little bit and realised that I always jumped at the chance to help and put myself out, even at my own detriment, wanting to feel appreciated. I constantly moved during my childhood and until Uni, so had to constantly make new friends and start from scratch. So, that made me a bit over eager. A lot of people did appreciate my help but many took advantage, after all I was putting myself forward so willingly.

Am not suggesting that you are putting yourself out for the same reasons but I would actually use this experience to really think about your position in the wider family. Is it just that cousin or are you taken for granted without having really noticed it so far. As upsetting as it might have been to hear that I am glad you did because now you can protect yourself from further piss-taking. My turning point was when my DH’s close friend asked us to help with decorating their place. A dusty, dirty and very tiring task. We almost agreed because they had two young children but then we found out after also overhearing a conversation that the wife wasn’t helping at all, she ‘doesn’t do DIY’ but the kids were babysat by her MIL while she planned a ‘girls’ weekend’ with her mates. I there and then decided to no longer give a flying f*ck if they liked me or not if I refused to help. You don’t need so-called friends or family members that are such CFs. Once we stopped being doormats, the friendship very quickly petered out. We really don’t miss them.

Hurrah!!

I hope she impodes!!

Good on you, Op

Just catching up with the rest of the thread. The poster who “flex marked” made me laugh out loud 😂

Eeek posted at the same time, as your update. Brilliant! Good for you! It is a little victory and the start of the shiny new you. The revenge tips were funny but what you did was best. And yes, ask for petrol money. I dare you!

Go home, take a nice hot shower, relax and when she rings just say 'I heard what you said on the phone. You are very rude and I am now very comfy.'

Cheeky mare.

Well done, OP!

I'm sure she'll make an attempt to complain ... the cow.

Well done OP! Enjoy your wine, you've earned it!

Missed the update . Well done, OP.

Good job OP Your cousin has lost a really nice person on her side but you reap what you sow, more fool her

If you tell her that you overheard her, and I think you should, be prepared for....

a) It was just a joke
b) you are over reacting
c) why are you so sensitive?

Anymore anyone?

Oh OP I’m glad you sorted it but you really have to let her know that you heard what she said. Otherwise she will simply think you are being a hitch for no reason.

d) I was relying on you and you've really let me down
e) I'm going to tell your mother/grandmother/friends/relatives what you've done to me.

You should be really proud of yourself. You did the minimum necessary to not make yourself look like a bitch (you did agree to help) but also grew a backbone and refused to waste any more of your day.

Well done!

Bitch not hitch

D) where is the kettle flex and my boudoir toys?

Because it'll be a hassle to unpack I would drive her to her new house, park and let her know that you heard her, are not happy and you DO dare say no. Then relax whilst she unpacks the car and drive away.
Any hassle then drive away with her stuff in and make it her problem to collect it.

What odds can I get on a passive aggressive Facebook status in the next hour?

Oh and it occurred to me on the way that her asking me to stay at the old place to hand over keys, do meter reading etc. was ridiculous because if anything had been wrong (rented place) it could have been blamed on me even though I could do nothing about it.

The place was part furnished for instance. If the inventory wasn’t right, what could I have done? A tenant had to be the one to handover surely?

I'm so pleased by your update! quite a day for you. Something initially horrid for you has not only brought MN out in droves to support you, but has also helped you to put boundaries in place re cheeky fuckers! I was a chronically doormatted people pleaser - can't remember what set me on the road to 'recovery', but now I say something like "I'll get back to you" if asked a favour, and take time to think whether or not I actually WANT to.

Genuine friends and truly loving family members don't take umbrage if I say no.

Enjoy your evening!