Would you let a 13 year old dye her hair?

[tccat]

Dd has very long dark hair and is asking to dye it, I've said no as she wants it lightened which would entail using a permanent
I might have considered a wash in/wash out one but she doesn't want that
My refusal has resulted in the usual "not fair, you've ruined my life" dramatics
So aibu? I remember doing it myself at slightly older than she is and having stunning cheese slice orange hair 😂
And the over use of Sun In , Worzel Gummidge looked sleek in comparison!!!

I've just remembered the bad eighties perms too, head like a dandelion clock , no two hairs standing together 😂

I'd let her. She is young enough to do it, mess it up cut it all off and get a good style before work as annoyingly in the UK your job will be strongly affected by your appearance rather than actual ability.

Are there any school rules about it? Is she prepared to keep paying for the treatments? My son dyed his hair black from blond at that age and he looked bloody awful.
( lost my job at Bejam in the eighties for dyeing my hair vermillion )

Oh god sun in 😂 I think I was probably 14/15 before that all started with hair mascara!!!! My mum was ok with it as we'd all wear it at weekends thinking we were cool but it washed straight out for school. She's got plenty of time to deal with roots, and the expense and time of hair dying, tell her to put lemon juice in it and go outside, that's the kind of ridiculous thing we used to try 😂

It’s her hair!!

I honestly don’t get this control thing parents have over part of their kids anatomy. It’s really odd!

Tbh I would much rather take her to get it done properly rather than her trying to do it herself.

But maybe the orange thing is a rite of passage when parents think their kids are an extension of themselves

School would be fine, she doesn't want anything dramatic, just a shade lighter
I think there's been a little bit of ribbing from pals about her looking like a goth as she is very pale with dark hair, but we've talked about that, not caring what others think etc

I'd let her before she goes and does it herself tbh. I dyed my hair black (I have very ginger hair) with a home dye kit when I was that age because my mum wouldn't let me have it done at the hairdressers. It didn't take properly and was patchy and awful! I cut myself a very dodgy and uneven fringe as well. Mum wouldn't take me to have it sorted out for ages either because I'd gone behind her back. It was mortifying when I went back to school

I would let her, but it would depend on a few rules - mainly if the school has uniform rules about hair colour/styles etc and obviously making sure she does the allergy testing first. Is she doing a home dye job?

Other than that I would make her aware of the fact that her hair will be damaged by permanent colour, no way around that, so if she has lovely shiny, healthy hair, it won't be that way after colouring it. She will also have to dedicate more time to caring for her hair properly, ie conditioning regularly etc to help counteract the damage. What colour does she want it to be?

Let her do it. My mum took me for my first bleach ‘flashes’ when I was thirteen and I’ve never looked back.

Depending on school rules (which I think it's ridiculous that schools are allowed rules on this stuff) I'd let her.

Doesn't sound like it's anything wild she wants to do. And while you say permanent it's a permanent colouring but it grows/can be cut out over time not the end of the world.

At that age I was getting perms (yes 80's again ). Yea you look back and are "wtf was I thinking?!" But that's part of teenhood.

Could be worse - she could be wanting a full on blue Mohican!

I guess I'm just thinking of the disasters I've had myself, the streaks that made me look like the love child of a wasp and George Michael
Her hair is beautiful and I don't want it wrecked

Yes I would.

It's so hard being that age, you want to be a grown up but you can't - this is a safe way to give her some freedom and a way to express herself and feel more grown up.

I'd pay for a hairdresser, at least they can explain to her that bleaching dark hair will damage it.

If the school isn't going to be an issue - I would.

It's their hair - it will grow back and if it goes wrong well then she will learn something from that.

If she has it done at a good hairdressers and looks after it, it won't be wrecked. Plus it grows - it's only the hair she has now that COULD be wrecked it won't affect the hair growing in.

I used to dye my brown hair red or purple at that age. But I did it semi permanent and dyed it the first day of school holidays so it had faded to a normal tone by the time I went back.

Maybe get her to wait til the summer holidays so incase it goes wrong/ doesn't suit her then she doesn't have to see her friends before you get a chance to fix it.

Yes, my 13 year old dyed her blonde hair postbox red in the Easter holidays, it looked lovely.

She didn't want it for school though so I put a Colour B4 on on the Sunday night, went back to how it was.

I had highlights put in my hair for the first time at 13. I would let her.

I honestly don’t get this control thing parents have over part of their kids anatomy. It’s really odd! They're children. It's the parents' job to keep them well and healthy. Controlling their anatomy seems a strange way to think of it.

The teenage years are the time to mess ones hair up completely. DD2's has been goth black, bleached blonde, long, short, layered, then all shaved down to a buzz cut, which was the best thing for it, as it was wrecked from all the dyeing/bleaching/stripping and whatnot. It's currently back to natural colour, short at the sides and back with a floppy off centre long fringe. She's 17.

It's just hair. I'd let your DD get on with it.

Jenny my dd now has highlights - except I get told off if I call them that (I can't remember what they call them now but look like bloody highlights to me )

"keep them well and healthy"

Colouring dead hair has no effect on health.

I would let her.

Yes, but take her to a really good hairdresser and make sure it's done properly.