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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want my DS to have this hairstyle?

252 replies

greenlantern1 · 01/05/2018 16:41

7 yr DS wants to have streaks razored into the side of his hair, like the footballers have. I can't stand it on young kids - plus I hate buying into that celebrity/sport bullshit culture.

I don't want him to have it. He's going to push for it.

OP posts:
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mirime · 02/05/2018 10:12

@Confusedbeetle

When he leaves home he can have any style he likes.

I didn't leave my parents home until I was in my 30s. Don't think I'd have liked my parents telling me what to do with my hair at that age!

I like the idea of letting him do it at the start of the summer holidays. Of course you're in charge, but a bit of compromise is not a bad thing.

Allthewaves · 02/05/2018 10:17

I'm taking mine to have them done at start of the summer for first time. Mine r 5,7,9. I'm cringing but it's only for the summer (and.will avoid putting them in tracksuits Grin)

Cutesbabasmummy · 02/05/2018 10:23

YANBU it's horrible x

ElsieMc · 02/05/2018 10:48

Well, I don't think you should allow it because you are clearly unhappy. At 7, he is hardly at the expressing himself age yet is he? You may well get away with it at primary school, but our secondary school is very, very clear about haircuts. I actually felt sorry for one child whose mother cut his hair (badly) tried to rectify the mess and the school classed it as a no. 1 cut. He was excluded. No room for expressing yourself there then.

FWIW, I hate some of the hairstyles my gs1 (15) wants. I warn him prior to the cut, but oh no. After the cut he then sulks because he doesn't like it and repeat for twelve months.

I find its best not to say too much and ignored his hideous gladiator style (think Gazza years ago). He is now sporting the opposite -shaved sides and long on top. Because it is thick and curly he soon looks like he is wearing a huge bouffant wig.

At 7 no, at 15 well you will just have to hate it.

Original poster
greenlantern1 · 02/05/2018 11:03

What I take from this all is...

  • I do think 7 years old can, and want, to express themselves at this age
  • I don't want to impose my tastes on him
  • Neither do I want him to go to school with it
  • If he behaves between now and Summer holidays, and he wants it then he can have it then, despite my own judgement
OP posts:
QuizzlyBear · 02/05/2018 11:05

I wouldn't let my sons do that in a million years - my 13-year old isn't allowed anything less than a no.2 on the sides though he constantly pushes for a no.1 shave.

I've told him that skinhead or shaven haired kids do get judged by other adults on how they're presenting themselves to the world. I tell him that I know he's a lovely thoughtful, kind boy but they don't - and they will often make assumptions that affect the way they treat them, the opportunities they get and their expectations of him will be lower. He's 13 and understands this!

If your DS is 7, I'd tell him this and emphasise that this is why schools don't allow it.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 02/05/2018 11:08

That sounds a rational decision. My mum always says shaved bits out of hair look like ringworm but hey ho.
He might be getting inspiration from rappers on YouTube, they often have shaved tracks.
Perhaps draw the line at a chunky chain and gold teeth though Grin

FASH84 · 02/05/2018 11:08

God no it looks awful, also lots of schools don't allow it

Gottagetmoving · 02/05/2018 11:10

I've told him that skinhead or shaven haired kids do get judged by other adults on how they're presenting themselves to the world. I tell him that I know he's a lovely thoughtful, kind boy but they don't - and they will often make assumptions that affect the way they treat them, the opportunities they get and their expectations of him will be lower. He's 13 and understands this!

What?! You would have your son live his life based on how ignorant, bigoted people would judge him based on a hair cut?!
That is so sad!

A close cut hair style is clean and tidy. I wouldn't give the time of day to anyone who made such stupid assumptions based on that.

SoupDragon · 02/05/2018 11:14

My feeling is that it’s far better to get the daft haircuts out of the way when they are young and it matters less. There is plenty of time as an adult for sensible haircuts when you are trying to get a job.

SandAndSea · 02/05/2018 11:15

I don't like the celebrity thing but I do like to encourage creativity and exploration of that, so I'm a bit torn on this one. I think I would encourage him to create a hair style that's all his, get him to do chores to save up the money and let him have it done in the summer holidays. It'll grow out quickly.

QuizzlyBear · 02/05/2018 11:16

I prefer not to be a total dictator with my children

Marvellous. I prefer to parent mine.

SadieHH · 02/05/2018 11:23

My instinct was no. However, I only have girls and my 6yo definitely chooses what she wants done with her hair. She had her long hair cut off in Feb and now she's decided to grow it again. Up to her, it's her head. So the same applies, regardless of what you think of the style. He's not asking to dye it purple.

SoupDragon · 02/05/2018 11:32

I prefer not to be a total dictator with my children

Marvellous. I prefer to parent mine.

I’m bright enough to know the two aren’t mutually exclusive.

Given mine are now adult/nearly adult and nice well mannered, well adjusted people I would say I’ve done a damn fine job.

noeffingidea · 02/05/2018 11:36

Good for you OP .
I can remember what it felt like not being able to have fashionable hairstyles or clothes because my Mum didn't like it and thought I should look a certain way that suited her, and it felt like shit, tbh. It made me feel as if I didn't fit in with the other kids.

QuizzlyBear · 02/05/2018 11:43

@Gottagetmoving

No, I would teach my sons to present themselves to the world in a way that doesn't get them marginalised, singled out or treated poorly.

In an ideal world they'd wear whatever wacky crap they feel like going into their young adulthood, but the reality is that in life there are judgemental people in positions of authority who make assumptions. To give my kids the best start in life I'll make them aware of how they come across to others.

ThanksForAllTheFish · 02/05/2018 11:48

I can’t believe the amount of nay sayers on this thread.

Do I like the look of this hairstyle - No, I personally think it looks awful but at the end of the day it’s only hair. It will grow back. I agree with the posters who say let him have it on the holidays but not for School (if it’s againts the rules).

Seven is young but I remember at that age how something small like this can have a huge impact on your self esteem. Getting a particular style of ‘cool’ shoes, a cool pencil case, a glittery bracelet etc. If I remember correctly some children my at primary school had perms (late 80’s) - maybe a little older than 7.
I know to is it’s just a haircut but to Children it can make them feel like a million bucks and the confidence that gives them in return is worth it.

I have agreed DD (8) can have the wash out after 8 washes dye in her hair over the summer (she wants a lilac/blue/pink combo to look like a mermaid). It’s only vegetable based dye, it will wash out and she knows the risk of it no fading in one for School going back = cutting it off. She is fine with that as she quite likes having shorter hair anyway.

I do wonder if the response on this thread would be different if the OP was saying her son wanted to grow his hair long and she didn’t like it. I get the feeling the responses are more about this particular hair style than letting him pick his own style.

mirime · 02/05/2018 11:48

@QuizzlyBear

Marvellous. I prefer to parent mine.

It's possible not to be a dictator and to still parent them. There are plenty of things where the answer is just 'no', there are also plenty of things where a compromise may be possible, and I don't think that's a bad example to set

ICantCopeAnymore · 02/05/2018 11:54

How sad that some of the children on this thread don't have autonomy over their own bodies.

Gottagetmoving · 02/05/2018 13:14

In an ideal world they'd wear whatever wacky crap they feel like going into their young adulthood, but the reality is that in life there are judgemental people in positions of authority who make assumptions. To give my kids the best start in life I'll make them aware of how they come across to others

If everyone was like you, we would have never moved on from all the bigoted, judgemental people of the past.
Teaching your children to please and conform to that extent rather than be who they want to be is sad.
Still, if you think people judging your child's haircut rather than what they do or who they are is to be accepted...keep on allowing it by totally conforming. 😒

manicmij · 02/05/2018 18:13

If you don't want him to have it then say no. If you relent on this when he is 7 what on earth are you going to do in even a couple if years. You are the adult, parent, show him how it works, you are in charge.

noeffingidea · 02/05/2018 18:26

you are in charge. Why is it neccesary to be in charge of the kid's hair though?

Kezer · 02/05/2018 18:28

Just say no. At seven its your decision. End of.

Smeddum · 02/05/2018 18:29

Marvellous. I prefer to parent mine

Did you mean to be so rude? Hmm

Parenting isn’t about controlling every single aspect of your child, as the OP has conceded graciously.

I parent my children, I also recognise that they are not mini cardboard cutouts of me and if they want to choose clothes/hairstyles that’s up to them. Because the more you control a child ime, the more they rebel later. Maybe you won’t be quite so smug then?

Kezer · 02/05/2018 18:41

@noeffingidea

Of course it's up the parent what hairstyle their 7 year old has. They are children.