Is this groom a CF?

[SaveBandit]

I usually love a good CF thread and ones mixed in with weddings are always great. But now that it's happening to us I'm not sure what to do!

We went to a wedding at the weekend for one of DH's colleagues. They had an amazon gift list so DH ordered something from there. It came in quite a big box and the shape of the actual gift meant that we had to wrap the box with the gift inside.

When we arrived we noticed that nobody else had presents, thought nothing of it but people kept commenting and saying "We just got them vouchers/money." We asked DH's colleague, the groom, where to put it and he was quite surprised and said "We weren't expecting gifts. Thank you, can you put it by the post box for cards?"

So we did, forgot all about it and enjoyed the day and night. Towards the end of the night we stood near the post box and I pointed out that ours was still the only present. DH laughed it off and said "Looks like we're the only ones who saw the gift list!" Left a short while after and thought nothing more about the gift.

DH got a message last night from groom saying "Thanks for coming on Saturday and for the gift. We had a bit of a last minute change and decided to ask for money towards the honeymoon instead of what we'd put on the gift list. Can we arrange to send it back and just get the money for it instead? I can pass it back next week when I'm back in work. Really appreciate the thought but definitely think we need a holiday after the stress of wedding planning."

The gift cost £70. DH didn't reply but showed it to me. I was just shocked at how cheeky it was. I'm leaving it up to him to sort because I have only met the couple a handful of times. I do just feel a bit stupid turning up with this huge box when everyone else seemed to be told to give money/vouchers. Dh said this was the first he'd heard of giving money and he has no problem giving money but feels asking if we can return it and give him money instead is a bit out of order.

Should we just return it and leave it at that or does anyone have any choice words or phrases we can reply with?!

How rude. I'd do what others have said an return it and give less money or give him the reference number and tell him to return it himself. Or tell him to sell it on ebay and keep the cash.

Whatever you do, don't give them any money until AFTER you've got the refund from Amazon. Can you imagine how annoying it would be to give them the returns label and the cash, only to find they'd kept the gift?

My flabber is gasted at this level of cheeky fuckery.

I think my response would depend on how this happened. If they sent you a link to a gift list, then that's it surely? They just have to suck it up. They can sell it on eBay.

'Whatever you do, don't give them any money until AFTER you've got the refund from Amazon. Can you imagine how annoying it would be to give them the returns label and the cash, only to find they'd kept the gift?'

This! Because they're cheeky enough to do something like this.

Cheeky fucker

I recently got married. Friends and family spent a lot of money on travel and accommodation so we decided to not have a wedding list.

I wouldn't DREAM of asking anyone for money, it's so classless so the fact that this cheeky bugger has the audacity to not only reject your expensive gift but then ask for a cash equivalent instead shows a real lack of integrity.

As it turns out most of the guests handed wedding cards containing cash to my parents along with comments like "we thought it was so lovely that nothing was asked of us in return for our presence at the wedding so it made us want to give even more than we would usually".

We made a fortune from our lack of greed

I'd return the gift, get the amazon refund and then.....say nothing.

See if CF has the balls to actually ask DH for the £70.

This is extremely cheeky and grabby.

Very rude. Return it, and give them £20 instead.

"Can we arrange to send it back and just get the money for it instead?"

For me, there'd be only one thing to do about such a rude request: ignore it completely

If the CF was unpleasant enough to bring it up again - and frankly it wouldn't surprise me - I'd simply say "I assumed you were joking"

How unbelievably rude.

Return it and give them the cash minus the cost of return postage, giftwrap, your time billed at an appropriate rate (£20/hr?) for the original purchase plus administrating the return including list office trip.

YES! YADNBU!

Mind you, I recently bought a relation a table they said they wanted. Drove across town to Ikea, put it in the back of the car, drove in considerable discomfort the 300 miles to said relation's house. Put it together. Only to be told that they didn't like it after all and could I take it back.

They are getting gift vouchers from now on.

Incredibly rude! There's no way I'd give them the full amount of the refund. Unless there was a history of the colleague giving generous gifts to your husband, he'd be lucky to get more than £20, after that display of ingratitude. Whatever amount I held back would be my "restocking fee" for the trouble they'd put me to.

And if he had the cheek to ask where the rest of the money was, I'd tell him I'd found it somewhere online at a great (temporary) sale price. Too bad they'd needed it returned!

Amazon don't like people who are big on returns. I don't know whether they go on the proportion of items returned or the value as a percentage of all purchases but it is something to bear in mind.

Wedding planning should be fun! Him saying they need a holiday is very grabby tbh. I've only read the OP so far so no idea what you've decided to do but I'd be tempted to return the gift and give them less than the £70.

Get the gift back, return it, get the money back, then keep forgetting to give a cheque to the the CF. Lots of remarks like "we hardly ever write cheques now so will have to root around to find the cheque book" "Need to buy a card to put it in" "Forgot to bring it with me". He surely won't remind your DH more than three times, will he?

Just say

I'm so sorry - we never got the message about the last minute change to requesting financial gifts. The gift we chose was from your list and unfortunately it is too late to send it back. We hope you enjoy it [if that's appropriate to the gift or something that is - hope you find it useful]

It's really really rude.CF doesn't begin to cover it. It's not just that you bought the gift, you bought wrapping paper, took time to wrap it, transported it and then they are expecting you to arrange for collection/collect it AND then transfer them money. It's chavvy mannerless behaviour.

If it wasn't a work colleague. I'd just reply telling them to fuck off without using those words.

I wouldn't give them as much as £50. How about £40 it is still generous (imo) but if they did the original list together and know the cost of your original gift it will PA point out that they are indeed CFs.

I’d probably return it and give them only £50 cash...admin & additional handling fees

I’d be tempted to,do this.

Absolute CF.

I wouldn't do a thing. Your DH has already made the effort of buying a present that was well thought out, was obviously required as it was on a gift list. To ask for it to be returned and to get the cash is massively cheeky.

I also don't agree with this new fangled "let's teach our kids to be rude, ungrateful, entitled people" - if my DCs receive a present, they're damn well grateful for it.

If they'd said look we decided all for cash because we're skint, I'd be more accommodating.

DO NOT GIVE CASH UNTIL YOU KNOW ITS BEEN REFUNDED.

I'd either return it myself and give them £50 once Amazon approved the return or hand over over the stuff and let them return it. They'd still only get £50 though

What is the gift?

I'd return it alright

But NO WAY would I give them the 70 quid.

CF's

I'd actually just forget

I would return it and give him a minimal amount.

Wedding cheeky fuckery seems to be increasing.

Just been out with a friend who was upset as her DSD has decided that her mum is giving her away, not her dad, at forthcoming wedding. Friends DH is making light of it but she knows he is very upset.

Parents divorced when bride was young, but theres been no fall out with the dad, they were still close.

What upsets my friend is that the bride was more than happy to ask her dad for a large deposit for their house purchase, and expects him to pay half of the 20k wedding (bride and groom early 20s, not a bean to rub together themselves) - indeed was on phone asking for money as soon as they found the venue - but wont let him give her away. I think I would be telling her where to go in no uncertain terms but my friends DH just wants to keep the peace. '

If the bride wants a slightly different take on the giving away, thats fair enough, her wedding. But at least have the decency not to demand half your wedding cost and a full house deposit from the parent from whom you are removing a traditional role.

I think the best thing to do is give him the returns stuff and give him £50.

Bollocks to giving them any money. Give them the returns ref but warn them that it might be too late now. Do not mention money. He can seethe/kick himself/curse your DH as much as he likes in private but the only correct response to being given a present is 'Thank you.' How ungracious of him. How dare he?

Very rude!! I'd return it then claim it got lost in the post to Amazon, so there's no refund!