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Original poster

Is this groom a CF?

358 replies

SaveBandit · 01/05/2018 13:50

I usually love a good CF thread and ones mixed in with weddings are always great. But now that it's happening to us I'm not sure what to do!

We went to a wedding at the weekend for one of DH's colleagues. They had an amazon gift list so DH ordered something from there. It came in quite a big box and the shape of the actual gift meant that we had to wrap the box with the gift inside.

When we arrived we noticed that nobody else had presents, thought nothing of it but people kept commenting and saying "We just got them vouchers/money." We asked DH's colleague, the groom, where to put it and he was quite surprised and said "We weren't expecting gifts. Thank you, can you put it by the post box for cards?"

So we did, forgot all about it and enjoyed the day and night. Towards the end of the night we stood near the post box and I pointed out that ours was still the only present. DH laughed it off and said "Looks like we're the only ones who saw the gift list!" Left a short while after and thought nothing more about the gift.

DH got a message last night from groom saying "Thanks for coming on Saturday and for the gift. We had a bit of a last minute change and decided to ask for money towards the honeymoon instead of what we'd put on the gift list. Can we arrange to send it back and just get the money for it instead? I can pass it back next week when I'm back in work. Really appreciate the thought but definitely think we need a holiday after the stress of wedding planning."

The gift cost £70. DH didn't reply but showed it to me. I was just shocked at how cheeky it was. I'm leaving it up to him to sort because I have only met the couple a handful of times. I do just feel a bit stupid turning up with this huge box when everyone else seemed to be told to give money/vouchers. Dh said this was the first he'd heard of giving money and he has no problem giving money but feels asking if we can return it and give him money instead is a bit out of order.

Should we just return it and leave it at that or does anyone have any choice words or phrases we can reply with?!

OP posts:
Funnyface1 · 01/05/2018 14:42

I would get it back from them and just keep "forgetting" to bring him his cash. It's just so cheeky and really quite rude after you've gone to the trouble of an expensive gift.

Alternatively you could give him £15 and when he asks for the rest say "that's all it cost, we got it in the sale, absolute bargain. You're welcome."

Kismett · 01/05/2018 14:42

I think it's sweet that your husband was paying attention and got something he thought they'd like. I'm sorry that his efforts were wasted on the wrong person, but it makes me happy to see thoughtfulness anywhere.

BrendasUmbrella · 01/05/2018 14:42

I would return it, and "forget" to give him the cash. But he sounds brass necked enough to harass you for it!!

Eminado · 01/05/2018 14:42

I would DIE of shame if my husband did this to anyone - mortifying. Poor bride. Unless they are a CF match made in heaven.

Chowmum · 01/05/2018 14:42

Re Amazon returns: If you want to return it (and get your £70 back - I would), you can request it now, and then return it at your leisure. It'll give you several more weeks to return it, and if you don't get it done in time, it'll just fall off the system.

And I will confess to returning things outside of Amazon's window, and they're usually pretty good about it. The problem arises if you don't do the initial returns request in time.

DiscontinuedModelHusband · 01/05/2018 14:42

AhNowTed

we don't tell her to be rude!

and she knows to be (and is) grateful/gracious of any gift.
even if in reality it's sometimes more because of the effort/thought than the gift itself.

e1y1 · 01/05/2018 14:43

I would agree with returning it and giving less money...then wait and see if he dares comment on that!

This, this, this, THIS.

Please do this and come back to us.🤣

Genderwitched · 01/05/2018 14:43

You are quite justified in giving less cash, I would probably spend more on a present anyway.

I'd only give £50 cash, if that.

waterrat · 01/05/2018 14:43

unbelievably bad manners.

bimbobaggins · 01/05/2018 14:43

I would send the returns stuff over to them and then not bother giving them any cash.
They asked for presents, you got them one now they don’t want it and have asked for cash. They’ve got more cheek than Kim Kardashian.

Mmmmmmmchips · 01/05/2018 14:44

Def CF
I’d return and gift them £40-50 Grin (....and then go out for drinks with your DH with the money you saved!)

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 01/05/2018 14:44

The people who are beating up the mother who's encouraging her daughter to be 'more honest' seem to have missed that the issue has been discussed with the GPs and they would prefer honesty!

OP, groom is being very rude but your husband has to work with this man. He's not going to succeed in shaming him into realising his rudeness. If he's crass enough to make the request he's only going to be aggrieved if you say no. Email him the returns label, ask him to return it and give him the money when your account is refunded.

e1y1 · 01/05/2018 14:45

Gifts are graciously received and that’s it.

Even if you intend to bin it when you get home, you still greatfully receive it and say no more.

Namechange2day · 01/05/2018 14:45

He is a cheeky fucker of the highest order. I would return the gift and then forget to give them the money.

Eliza9917 · 01/05/2018 14:48

I'd return it, not give them the money and see if they are cheeky enough to ask for it, in which case I still wouldn't give it.

Dvg · 01/05/2018 14:48

To be fair I wouldn't be giving them anything. You arnt entitled to money and gifts just because you've had a wedding so if they want to be CF then they can have no money or a tenner at max. If they ask for the rest just say sorry we ended up needing it.

£70 is quite a bit anyway to spend on a colleague's wedding....

SenecaFalls · 01/05/2018 14:54

OP, groom is being very rude but your husband has to work with this man.

Good point. And if the groom is not senior to him now, he could be at some time in the future. As tempting as it is, don't burn bridges at work is a good rule, especially over something relatively minor.

CocoaGin · 01/05/2018 14:57

I'd reply saying " we bought the gift in advance and the opportunity to return it has now passed" and nothing else.

How utterly vile. A £70 gift is a very generous one.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 01/05/2018 15:05

That is Platinum Cheeky Fucker territory!! Has he no shame?

I wouldn't go to the trouble of returning it. I would just say too late for a return.

Is the groom normally a prick in work?

Original poster
SaveBandit · 01/05/2018 15:05

They have completely different job roles so it's unlikely that either will ever be the other ones manager. They used to share an office but now DH has moved floors and they see each other at meetings, in the cafeteria and for after work drinks on occasion. They did used to be quite close but over the past year have drifted apart because they don't see each other as often.

His wife is from another country and has no friends or family here. I spoke to her at a couple of months ago and she told me she wanted to meet up because she needed to make friends, apparently DH spoke about me a lot and his colleague thought that we'd get on well. I said that would be really nice but ended up having to cancel due to DS being in hospital. Since then we've been unable to meet up. I'm not sure if I'd like to make friends with her now though!

I think the best thing to do is give him the returns stuff and give him £50.

OP posts:
NWQM · 01/05/2018 15:06

As someone else has mentioned a gift receipiant can return a gift of it was marked as a gift. Am assuming that it will be as off a gift list. He’ll only actually get a gift card credit and not the cash but I was your husband I’d very tempted to simply reply ‘yes, of course if you have changed you mind go ahead and return it. Kind of you check in about it but absolutely get what you want. Thanks for a great day etcetc.’. Swerve the cheeky grab for cash completely.

AmazingPostVoices · 01/05/2018 15:10

As tempting as it is, don't burn bridges at work is a good rule, especially over something relatively minor.

That works the other way round too though. The Groom should be thinking of his own reputation.

FutureFairyCrayon · 01/05/2018 15:10

Hahahaha, fuck that. Send it back and leave it at that. I certainly wouldn't be paying for someone else's holiday, particularly a colleague (I might consider it for a very close friend or family member, but even then I'd still be a bit Hmm).

Poor diddums having the stress of organising a wedding, they should have popped down to the registry office in their lunchbreak.

Furano · 01/05/2018 15:12

Agree with others. Return it. Give them £20 and spend £50 on the two of you!

expatinscotland · 01/05/2018 15:16

'I think the best thing to do is give him the returns stuff and give him £50.'

I'd make him return it or you may have to pay postage. And then he won't get cash, either. Nothing wrong with saying, 'That's a pity, but I'd have to pay for postage to return it and that's a bit of a stretch. As it's off the gift list feel free to return it.' If he gets arsey he can just say, 'Mate, I'm a bit offended. You have a gift list, didn't tell us you wanted cash, we gave in good faith and now you want me to pay postage to return it and then hand you the full value in cash on top? Really?'

If he's not going to have to work with this guy again then honestly, I wouldn't let him walk all over you. He's being a real dick.

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