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Original poster

Is this groom a CF?

358 replies

SaveBandit · 01/05/2018 13:50

I usually love a good CF thread and ones mixed in with weddings are always great. But now that it's happening to us I'm not sure what to do!

We went to a wedding at the weekend for one of DH's colleagues. They had an amazon gift list so DH ordered something from there. It came in quite a big box and the shape of the actual gift meant that we had to wrap the box with the gift inside.

When we arrived we noticed that nobody else had presents, thought nothing of it but people kept commenting and saying "We just got them vouchers/money." We asked DH's colleague, the groom, where to put it and he was quite surprised and said "We weren't expecting gifts. Thank you, can you put it by the post box for cards?"

So we did, forgot all about it and enjoyed the day and night. Towards the end of the night we stood near the post box and I pointed out that ours was still the only present. DH laughed it off and said "Looks like we're the only ones who saw the gift list!" Left a short while after and thought nothing more about the gift.

DH got a message last night from groom saying "Thanks for coming on Saturday and for the gift. We had a bit of a last minute change and decided to ask for money towards the honeymoon instead of what we'd put on the gift list. Can we arrange to send it back and just get the money for it instead? I can pass it back next week when I'm back in work. Really appreciate the thought but definitely think we need a holiday after the stress of wedding planning."

The gift cost £70. DH didn't reply but showed it to me. I was just shocked at how cheeky it was. I'm leaving it up to him to sort because I have only met the couple a handful of times. I do just feel a bit stupid turning up with this huge box when everyone else seemed to be told to give money/vouchers. Dh said this was the first he'd heard of giving money and he has no problem giving money but feels asking if we can return it and give him money instead is a bit out of order.

Should we just return it and leave it at that or does anyone have any choice words or phrases we can reply with?!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 01/05/2018 14:15

'I've just got off the phone to DH and he said that he bought it three weeks ago and by the time the groom gets back from their "mini-moon" in Italy and gives him the present it might be too late to return.'

It probably won't be. I'd double check, tbh.

BoomBoomsCousin · 01/05/2018 14:16

Get the return paperwork off the Amazon website in a pdf and have your DH email it to the groom. He can do the returning (and pay the postage). When (if) the refund comes through stick some cash in a card and DH it to him.

MorganKitten · 01/05/2018 14:19

Keep it if its something you want and give them less or return it and give them less.

billybagpuss · 01/05/2018 14:20

I'm loving the answers coming in this thread. Especially giving £5 Grin

Is this chap more senior than your DH?

Honestly though I think Moo's answer on the first page is the most appropriate. CF

aharddaysnight · 01/05/2018 14:20

I would definitely either tell them it's too late (which it sounds as if it might be anyway) or not give them the full amount back. I really hope you don't return it and then give them £70 cash :)

HoneyBadger32 · 01/05/2018 14:20

I don't think his message is that bad to be honest. The rationale is a bit obscure but he's gone about it in a perfectly polite way. I would email him the returns label and just let that be the end of it, you will get the refund if it is returned and he will keep it if he doesn't want to go to the hassle. I wouldn't gift the cash equivalent though

expatinscotland · 01/05/2018 14:21

'Get the return paperwork off the Amazon website in a pdf and have your DH email it to the groom. He can do the returning (and pay the postage). When (if) the refund comes through stick some cash in a card and DH it to him.'

This. He wants your DH to handle the return and then hand him the money. He's a wazzock.

burnoutbabe · 01/05/2018 14:22

they can return it if it was bought off their wishlist. let them do the work

else i'd take back and give them nothing, let them chase for it.

AmazingPostVoices · 01/05/2018 14:22

Occasionally if you contact Amazon and grovel they will let you return the item outside the stated time.

Even Amazon would probably be stunned at the rudeness of this and allow you to return it.

I’m a bit stunned that they are having a holiday to Italy and want everyone to pay for another holiday.

Definitely £20 in a card.

MargaretCavendish · 01/05/2018 14:23

I don't think his message is that bad to be honest. The rationale is a bit obscure but he's gone about it in a perfectly polite way.

But it doesn't make it ok to ask for something rude if you word it politely. If you politely request to punch someone in the face that doesn't make it a reasonable thing to do. What he's asking for is incredibly rude.

WizardOfToss · 01/05/2018 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hdh747 · 01/05/2018 14:24
Biscuit
Meandyouandyouandme · 01/05/2018 14:24

Yes he is a CF, however, you may as well return it. He should return it though, you’ll probably have to request it in your amazon account, they send it back, your card gets refunded, then you transfer the money.
Alternatively, he could just return to Amazon himself, get a credit, I’m sure he’ll spend £70 on Amazon in the next 10 years.

Ridiculouslyso · 01/05/2018 14:26

we've been trying to teach our DD to be more honest about presents from her GPs (particularly clothes)

This is almost on a par with the OP! So rude.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 01/05/2018 14:29

we've been trying to teach our DD to be more honest about presents from her GPs (particularly clothes)

I honestly never imagined that people could be taught to be rude from childhood. Words fail me.

FizzyGreenWater · 01/05/2018 14:30

If you can get it back in time to get a refund, tell them you couldn't and could only get a credit note 'but we're still happy to gift you a further £20!' and stick that in a sugary-sweet card.

Cheeky!! and rude rude rude

swimlyn · 01/05/2018 14:31

As a lot of posters have said, take it back and give him a fiver. But do all that in person with a smile and a handshake. Give the fiver openly – not in an envelope.

Wave and walk away…

People like this need to learn. Imagine the discussion at home when he returns to his waiting bride. Grin

SenecaFalls · 01/05/2018 14:32

Did you get a first from the Entitled Cheekster University?

Grin I'll have to translate this to American English, but I am so using this.

DiscontinuedModelHusband · 01/05/2018 14:33

ikeepaforkinmypurse

we suggested this to GPs, but both are more old-fashioned, and hate the idea of giving money/vouchers.

as a gift-giver, would you really rather the recipient thanked you, and then put your gift away for ever, never to be used? would you not prefer that it was exchanged for something that was more likely to be used/valued?

a good example is DD got a jacket from my DPs one year. it wasn't one she particularly liked, we had the conv with my DPs, and changed it for one she really liked.

now she has a jacket she loves, and she knows it came from my DPs. and they know they contributed to something she loves. win-win, no?

coconutpie · 01/05/2018 14:34

So they are tight for cash for their honeymoon yet are off on a mini moon to Italy?! WTF. I'd take the gift back and if it's within the time limit to return it, get your money back and put £20 in a card. Pocket the £50. And no, they cannot demand the balance. What are they gonna do - tell you to hand over your wallet? If the time limit to return it has expired, hold onto it yourself and then sell it. Then tell them that it couldn't be returned and since you now are out of pocket for £70 that they won't be getting an additional gift. Then tell them to get to fuck.

AhNowTed · 01/05/2018 14:36

@DiscontinuedModelHusband

Seems your daughter has more sense than you do.

You teach your daughter to accept graciously and say thank you.

Original poster
SaveBandit · 01/05/2018 14:36

I might suggest sending over the returns stuff and leaving them to it. Then maybe just give them less cash.

OP posts:
DiscontinuedModelHusband · 01/05/2018 14:39

ikeepaforkinmypurse

i will concede however, that our situation is slightly different - because it's our parents, we knew we could have this conversation with them both.

i'm not sure we'd advise DD to do this for any/all presents bought for her.

NoSquirrels · 01/05/2018 14:40

You can definitely give less money! Money is much less personal - your DP has already gone to the trouble of choosing an appropriate gift, wrapping it (gift wrap can be costly) and now he’s got to faff with returning it too - I’d argue that he was willing to spend £70 on that particular item because he’s listened and put thought into it, but as a “general contribution” then £50 is absolutely more than enough towards someone else’s holiday.

Wallywobbles · 01/05/2018 14:40

Keep it if it's something you'd use.

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