Is this groom a CF?

[SaveBandit]

I usually love a good CF thread and ones mixed in with weddings are always great. But now that it's happening to us I'm not sure what to do!

We went to a wedding at the weekend for one of DH's colleagues. They had an amazon gift list so DH ordered something from there. It came in quite a big box and the shape of the actual gift meant that we had to wrap the box with the gift inside.

When we arrived we noticed that nobody else had presents, thought nothing of it but people kept commenting and saying "We just got them vouchers/money." We asked DH's colleague, the groom, where to put it and he was quite surprised and said "We weren't expecting gifts. Thank you, can you put it by the post box for cards?"

So we did, forgot all about it and enjoyed the day and night. Towards the end of the night we stood near the post box and I pointed out that ours was still the only present. DH laughed it off and said "Looks like we're the only ones who saw the gift list!" Left a short while after and thought nothing more about the gift.

DH got a message last night from groom saying "Thanks for coming on Saturday and for the gift. We had a bit of a last minute change and decided to ask for money towards the honeymoon instead of what we'd put on the gift list. Can we arrange to send it back and just get the money for it instead? I can pass it back next week when I'm back in work. Really appreciate the thought but definitely think we need a holiday after the stress of wedding planning."

The gift cost £70. DH didn't reply but showed it to me. I was just shocked at how cheeky it was. I'm leaving it up to him to sort because I have only met the couple a handful of times. I do just feel a bit stupid turning up with this huge box when everyone else seemed to be told to give money/vouchers. Dh said this was the first he'd heard of giving money and he has no problem giving money but feels asking if we can return it and give him money instead is a bit out of order.

Should we just return it and leave it at that or does anyone have any choice words or phrases we can reply with?!

I'd have taken it back from them wordlessly and then never given them anything thereafter.

Great update OP! Good, I'm glad DH is onboard with not giving £70 after all the hassle and cheekyfuckery! You were really generous and he didn't even appreciate it. £25 cash tops.

Do exactly as requested, then maintain a royal silence.

If they got so stressed just planning their wedding, I doubt the wheels on their marriage will stay on for long, so you will have the last laugh, albeit a bitter cackle!

I'd take the gift and get the refund and donate it to charity and send a note to say what I had done. Or as others have said get the refund and give them around £20. In fact I don't think I could bring myself to give them anything under those circumstances. I'd be too annoyed.

'Dh has decided to organise for him to return it and then give him £25 back.'

Result! He balks and well, erm, RUDE.

Just seen your update.

Just be careful if you give him the money he actually returns the gift. CF could pocket both and you’d be stuck! I’d wait till you have the money back from Amazon before you give him any cash.

Yes might be simpler and more reliable for you to return the gift. Definitely wait until you get your refund then give him £25.

Is it me?
Probably is - is not impolite to ask for either certain gifts or cash when inviting guests to a wedding?
Let alone contact a guest afterwards to inform them of their mistake re: wedding gift?
Personally I would ignore the e-mail and wish them well - is that possible?

I would return the gift and keep the £70.

Good result.

What a prat of a groom, but tbf wedding-itis does strike in mysterious ways.

£25. Wow your dh really is telling the groom what he thinks. Good on him!

I’m gutted his work mates got in before me by saying “cancel the cheque!” I read all 11 pages hoping to be the first one.... fuckers beat me to it

I would return the gift and not give him any money at all.
Cheeky git.

I’d suggest CF groom does what the rest of us do with things we no longer want - stick it on eBay and he can put any funds he gets back towards their holiday! I bet he’s considered that and dismissed it on account of not getting the full value back, but had it been me I’d rather get less money back than be seen as a granny CF!

Grabby, not granny! Lol

Haha good on your DH. Take that, Groomzillo!

(I assume a Zillo is the masculine form of the Zilla)

CF extraordinaire , get the present back and either use it for yourself or send it back , give them £25 it is more than they deserve.

Can you send him the receipt and tell him to exchange it himself?

Loving your update, do feel slightly sorry for CF groom when he gets back to work though.

Groomzillo is amazing! I am going to use that from now on 😊

I wouldn't give Groomzillo the time of day let alone £25. If he wants the dosh let him beg ask.

I haven't read many of the replies, will do later, but, seriously?? I am one of those (wierd) people apparently who believes that a gift isn't a given, a gift is a gesture, and gift lists do not sit well with me. I was bought up not to 'expect' to be given things, but to appreciate anything that did come my way, and I think that has stayed with me.
I don't do gift lists, If I am buying for someone I will buy them what I think they would like, as a treat from me for their special occasion, if they hate it and take it back, thats their business, but for you to buy these people a bift worth (to me!) a lot of money, and them to ask YOU to return it and get the cash, thats not what giving a present is about to me.
I think thats been lost somewhere along the way.

ps, I tell my children to never be honest with gifts their grandparents/ aunties/ uncles give them, but to be grateful and smile and always be polite. Yes, they might end up with the odd thing they don't wear/use, but I would rather that my kids were polite and accepting, rather than cheeky buggers who start telling people when they don't like something that is given to them in kindness. Time and a place to open your mouth and complain, being given a gift is not one of those times.

Return it, give them less than £70! Save back a bit of money for the hassle as I bet you have to pay the return postage

@Carriecakes80 Agree with you on both counts