Is this groom a CF?

[SaveBandit]

I usually love a good CF thread and ones mixed in with weddings are always great. But now that it's happening to us I'm not sure what to do!

We went to a wedding at the weekend for one of DH's colleagues. They had an amazon gift list so DH ordered something from there. It came in quite a big box and the shape of the actual gift meant that we had to wrap the box with the gift inside.

When we arrived we noticed that nobody else had presents, thought nothing of it but people kept commenting and saying "We just got them vouchers/money." We asked DH's colleague, the groom, where to put it and he was quite surprised and said "We weren't expecting gifts. Thank you, can you put it by the post box for cards?"

So we did, forgot all about it and enjoyed the day and night. Towards the end of the night we stood near the post box and I pointed out that ours was still the only present. DH laughed it off and said "Looks like we're the only ones who saw the gift list!" Left a short while after and thought nothing more about the gift.

DH got a message last night from groom saying "Thanks for coming on Saturday and for the gift. We had a bit of a last minute change and decided to ask for money towards the honeymoon instead of what we'd put on the gift list. Can we arrange to send it back and just get the money for it instead? I can pass it back next week when I'm back in work. Really appreciate the thought but definitely think we need a holiday after the stress of wedding planning."

The gift cost £70. DH didn't reply but showed it to me. I was just shocked at how cheeky it was. I'm leaving it up to him to sort because I have only met the couple a handful of times. I do just feel a bit stupid turning up with this huge box when everyone else seemed to be told to give money/vouchers. Dh said this was the first he'd heard of giving money and he has no problem giving money but feels asking if we can return it and give him money instead is a bit out of order.

Should we just return it and leave it at that or does anyone have any choice words or phrases we can reply with?!

... or as Turquoise123 says forget about the cash so they have to chase you if they dare. Then give them £50 or less.

Return the gift get the money back, keep it. Give him one euro as say...for your holiday. Personally id return gift and give no money at all for holiday.

just thought and remembered an incident about a present from last christmas. , we bought an expensive present for FIL from an amazon seller, bought well in advance for Christmas, he liked it for 2 days and then told me to take it back and get a refund. the company initially refused, but then agreed to have it back if we paid the full postage and paid a charge. I gave it to my dad for his birthday. He never got a replacement present.

Would be tempted to ignore the text quite honestly! That’s serious lack of manners and if yours was the only gift and they got cash from everyone else then £70 is probably a drop in the ocean, especially if a work colleague is willing to spend that too!!

Another vote for get the item back then give them sweet FA!!! These aren't people you will end up up friends with so save your money! I'd reply 'of course not a problem drop the present off at x' and then leave it at that!

I'm reading item cost £70 send CF £20 or £50 etc.
Nuts send him 20 p and wish him bon voyage.
CF should have had the manners and good grace to accept the gift.

Yes I agree get it back and give less money. I don’t mind giving money in fact I find it easier, but to ask you to do what they have is beyond belief.

Send them £5.99 and say it was on a lightening deal.

Get it back from him. Return it. See the money back in your account.

And then decided later on whether to give them cash.

A lot later.

I also vote return it and give him less cash as gift!

And, in regards the returning it, if you open an amazon return you usually have 4 weeks from that date to return. I opened a return 3 weeks ago and have had it sat in my dining room waiting to go back and only just taken it yesterday as I’ve been busy —lazy—

Definitely send it back and pass him a tenner!

Wow the audacity of some people!

Return the gift, end of!!!

Return it and give them a £10. Tell them you're saving the rest for a holiday...?

Get it back, keep if for yourself, or a future gift, and put twenty quid in an envelope. The End. Very rude indeed OP.

I would only give them £50 and nothing more. Couldn’t they return it themselves?

It's very cheeky and poor etiquette. Some people never cease to amaze me.

Cheek personified! Firstly I think folk who ask for money are very rude. How do they know folk are in a position to actually hand money over. A lot of people will buy gifts on credit card perhaps needing to wait until next pay day to pay off. Secondly, if they cant affird their ho eymoon/hokiday without other folk paying for it, well guess what, don't have one. As for changing their mind, hard luck. You can take the gift back saying sorry if we didn't comply with your last minute change that's what you get instead. Some folk have not one ounce of gratitude or appreciation.

Outrageous CFery! I am astounded. They ‘changed their mind’ after giving a gift list and want YOU to send the gift back?!! What the actual foxtrot?

Tell them you will gift it to another friend. Then give them £25. If they comment you can say you did not want the gift and preferred cash. Some people are so incredibly rude it is just unbelievable to most of us.

Agree with everyone massive cf. I would just say sorry it's too late to return.

Just because I'm nosey what was the gift?

I'd be livid personally although I wouldn't spend £70 on a present for a colleague. If it were me Id agree and arrange a time to swap the goods for the cash. Then put £5 in card and write a message saying

Dear @#'"@
We are very sorry getting you a gift off your wedding list offended, we didn't wish for that to happen. The item will be donated to a good home, but I'm sure you will appreciate the time picking the gift, and the fact that we will need to find a good home for it now which we hadn't expected after DH has gone to a lot of effort to pick what you had been asking for. I also appreciate the need for money for your honeymoon and respect the fact that you clearly didn't have time to sell the item yourself. As we will be donating it instead of selling or returning please find enclosed a token gesture towards your honeymoon and we hope you have a great time.

Thanks @#@@#

As it’s easy to return to amazon, return and give less as PPs have said

Bit of an update...

Dh works with a lady who is currently heavily pregnant and so didn't come to the wedding. She spoke to DH earlier about the wedding to ask if he had a nice day etc and then said she felt awful because she is just giving him money in a card next week and hasn't even looked at the gift list. DH then laughed and told her that he wants money and nothing from the gift list after all. When asked how he knew DH told her that the groom had asked him to return the present and give him the money instead.

This woman was quite shocked and of course then went and told everyone else throughout the day. A few people have asked him if it's true and DH has just said that it is but doesn't want to discuss the groom while he's away. Everyone else has said that they think he is out of order and a few have threatened to "cancel their cheque" maybe he works with a few mumsnetters?!

Dh has decided to organise for him to return it and then give him £25 back.

I'd tell him that he's free to eBay if he wants. Not going through the hassle.

Dh has decided to organise for him to return it and then give him £25 back.

That's the way to do it!