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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's impossible to make some homes nice?

315 replies

InteriorDespairer · 01/05/2018 12:52

I've recently begun trying to make my home a bit nicer- I live in a tiny one bedroom flat with a balcony with my DH, and try as I might to make it actually a nice place to be, it's beginning to feel like an exercise in futility.

Let's start with the bathroom. It has no windows, and a tiled floor- the builders did a crappy job of grouting the tiles, it comes out in huge chunks so there are loads of gaps, and there is some on the tiles which I just haven't been able to shift which means parts of the floor just always look dirty. The tiles are grey with a sort of grainy texture to them. It's a tiny room with no storage at all, I bought this little floor tidy to put things in as it was about the only thing that would fit, but the room still manages to look cluttered. One of the light fittings has never worked either.

We have a combined kitchen/sitting room with wooden floors which were poorly fitted so in winter/when its cold you can't move an inch without them creaking like crazy. The washing machine makes so much noise at times it's pointless trying to watch TV or pay attention to anything else.

We have floor-to-ceiling windows with no windowsills and cheap vertical blinds like these. Same in the bedroom. All the windows are south facing and the blinds are practically transparent so on sunny days it gets absurdly hot.

The furniture - DH bought the place before we got together and furnished it like a typical cash-strapped bachelor with chunky black Ikea furniture as far as the eye can see, and the world's ugliest beige sofa. The black furniture shows up every speck of dust and fingerprint, so sometimes it feels like painting the Forth bridge trying to keep it looking nice! We do have a lovely bureau which I inherited when my GPs died but next to all the black Ikea stuff it just looks odd and out of place.

The bedroom - also tiny, we have a (chunky black Ikea) kingsize bed, a massive wardrobe (same again), chest of drawers in front of the window and a small bedside unit.

Hallway - essentially just an empty space, occasionally occupied by the clothes horse. Not enough room for any furniture.

The balcony - also pretty small with a glass wall, impossible to hang anything from (unless I use cable ties) because of the flat, roughly 2-inch wide rail along the inside. We don't tend to spend a great deal of time out there anyway because of the kids who play outside and scream their heads off until about 10 p.m. and our downstairs neighbours whose cigarette and weed smoke comes straight up at us.

I just don't know how to make it into a nice home. I keep it clean and tidy, have tried not to clutter it up with too much 'decorative' stuff but it's just never a particularly warm or inviting place to be. I can't afford to start replacing furniture, I did buy a throw for the sofa but because the sofa cushions don't even fucking fit it just looked messy.

Does anyone else feel like this about their home? Can anyone make any suggestions from how I might transform mine? It's getting thoroughly depressing at this point.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
42
Puffycat · 02/05/2018 00:55

@QuoraFun couldn’t agree more

AjasLipstick · 02/05/2018 01:15

It looks completely like a man's flat. There's very little sign of a woman in there. Everything is so masculine! He needs to give...a LOT more.

I wouldn't take it at all!

isthisspring · 02/05/2018 02:05

OP it is a nice flat that was decorated by a bloke on the cheap a while ago. Your house needs to reflect you as well as DH. He appears to have way more than 50% control. Can you imagine just starting to change things without asking.

AhoyDelBoy · 02/05/2018 04:27

I love the username, you could also have gone for ChunkyBlackEverything Grin As so many have already said your DH is the problem! Don't know how you're going to work around that in 'his' place that you've lived in for five years. I would ditch the truely horrendous golf course/world map 'art'. They're just beyond hideous. Maybe wall mount the TV? Get rid of all the 'stuff' on the fridge and the ghastly big tower shelving units. As others have also said the flats really not that bad at all. I wouldn't listen to the decorating 'tips' people have given. Most of them will cheapen the look of the place. Create a vision board on Pinterest to pinpoint YOUR style and go from there.

IndominousRex · 02/05/2018 04:51

You can buy an acid wash (from a tile shop) to clean grout off tiles, then redo the grouting. It’s not hard or expensive to do, and will help you when you come to sell anyway.

RhiWrites · 02/05/2018 05:41

OP, your original question was whether it was impossible to make it look nice. It’s fine, lots of light, the furniture matches, it’s just a bit dull.

Whatever you do don’t follow the advice of the poster who suggested some rattan hearts, that won’t go at all.

I think the best you could do is get an Ikea catalogue and search Pinterest boards for how that furniture looks as part of a designed space. It can be a great look.

Your walls could use colour too, but choose with care since the space is so connected.

I don’t think you’re messy at all!

Luglio · 02/05/2018 07:04

You married a golfer. What did you expect?

SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy · 02/05/2018 07:53

You've had some excellent suggestions so I won't re-hash them. I would only add this; the problem isn't the house, it's your husband and his execrable taste.

The big canvas' you hate - go to ikea and get a couple of meters of one of their big dramatic fabrics. Take it home, wrap it over the horrible canvas' and staple to the back of the frame pulled tight - you'll get an artwork for a fraction of the price (no frame costs etc) and your husbands horrible picture is still there underneath. 😊

I'll attach a pic of what it would look like.

Also, go onto 'ikea hacks' and you might be surprised what you can do with your furniture.

To think it's impossible to make some homes nice?
MinaPaws · 02/05/2018 08:32

SurfnTerf is that big canvas a fabric? It looks good.

cloudtree · 02/05/2018 08:42

Your flat is not messy.

I've just looked at the photo where you're watching suits.

Those blinds are office blinds and its a very dated look. However given your lack of funds I wouldn't actually remove them, I would buy some narrow curtains (ikea do very cheap curtain panels) and would hang these so that during the daytime the blinds are folded back behind the curtains. At night time, even if the curtain fabric is too narrow to cover the window, you'll still have the blinds there. Curtains alone will make a massive difference and soften that space.

That golf picture (assuming it isn't expensive) would be the subject of a tragic dusting accident which saw it fall and the canvas rip as it hit the corner of the tv... luckily for him you would be so upset at ruining his picture that you will have been out and immediately bought a replacement piece of art for that space and wrapped it for him as a gift with a heartfelt note expressing all of your love and sorrow.

The dvds/cds would not be on display. Put them in boxes and put something nicer and softer on the shelves. Then you need a rug to soften that floor.

Bbbbbbbb2017 · 02/05/2018 09:10

I used to think that about mine and then realised it was.more about money and having the money to make it look nice as it needs a lot of work. Slowly slowly slowly getting there

MessySurfaces · 02/05/2018 09:10

It's clearly become a THING for you two- you are getting more and more sick of the flat, he is feeling more and more got at.
Under cover of thinking of the new house , I think you two need to wander round some shops and look at some magazines to develop a shared taste- and do some adjusting to the flat as you go...
Ps I think the dvd towers would look much better both on the same side in the corner rather than either side of the tv and canvas.
Can your mum be persuaded to give you some pictures you like for the walls as a lovely surprise gift???

SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy · 02/05/2018 09:13

Mina, yes it's a fabric and not an expensive one - I've just bought 3 metres of it to stretch over a frame for our holiday home.

helloblossom · 02/05/2018 09:27

Just a thought. Do the arms (side walls more like) on that sofa come off? I have a feeling that sofa is from a modular range and just removing the arms would make a huge difference to opening up the room.

The covers are probably washable as well and then you could just add a couple of brightly coloured cushions.

Personally I would also sell the table and chairs and the coffee table and use the money to get a nicer second hand coffee table and a couple of brightly coloured pouffes that you could eat at Japanese style. Depends how much you use the dining table though. This will also free up cupboard space where the spare chairs are stored.

WipsGlitter · 02/05/2018 09:28

I think people are being a bit mean. DH has some horrible pictures but they have special memories for him is it's about compromise on both sides so the golf pic could be moved to the hall or the bathroom.

My DH also finds me not liking his stuff a criticism of him and his taste!

UrgentScurryfunge · 02/05/2018 09:36

Put the CD towers together so they look more deliberate. At the moment, they break the space up and dominate and clutter it. You may be able to get a Billy door to make them neater (we have on ours although they are a less imposing wood colour)

You lack colour. Paint some of the walls with a soft pastel colour to break up the monochrome. It would also give more definition between the living and kitchen space. Painting adjoining corner walls tends to work well.

Do the grouting, it's quite simple (I've tiled several bathrooms and kitchens) A good cabinet will hide the toiletries and brighten it up. A big mat and matching towels will add colour.

Work with what DH has, not completely opposing it. It is definitely dated, uninspired, cheap batchelor taste but it does match, is functional and is appropriate to the flat. Working with it is a cheaper option and will make him feel less criticised. You may get better results on the key things like the blinds and sofa if you're not battling everything else.

I moved in to DH's house and it took a while to truely settle in. He'd got the cheap make-do furniture (some of it is still lingering on years into house 2, but we agree on the quality upgrade at some point). Changing the paint colours and some pictures made the biggest difference for me. If it's any consolation he had those kind of generic hideous overdone landscapes that looked like his grandma had chosen them for him.

Chowmum · 02/05/2018 09:48

If you can't are not allowed to get rid of the DVD cabinets, move both of them to the other side of the bureau. The "framing" of the TV looks really obtrusive.

Sadly, your OH has lousy taste.

Shen0102 · 02/05/2018 09:50

If you're living in a small flat you definitely need to get rid of black. black is an elegant colour that mainly suites large house that has lots of spare room and space.

I would suggest going for soft colours like pastels or even white & light grey as these would automatically make you room look larger and airy.

with the bathroom, you should store away anything that you don't use daily. And try to declutter the house, the less stuff in a room the more elegant and relaxing it will look and feel. Think of a hotel room? wouldn't it be nice if your bedroom was like that ? Yah that's because the hotel room has no clutter.

SilverHairedCat · 02/05/2018 10:01

Hi OP, this is my life too! My DH's house was his bachelor pad for years. We're gearing up to sell, but for various genuine reasons can't do it yet. I've been slowly sneaking things out the house - it looked like a cheap pub when I moved in. Same dark furniture and shite blinds as you.

However it all changed when I had a meltdown at feeling like an unwelcome guest in his house. I asked what of mine apart from a sofa and my toothbrush showed I lived here, and he had nothing. I pointed out this is a partnership and a home, and I need to feel I lived here. He backed off and gave me free rein

First thing was bedding - I bought it and put it on. He didn't notice. Then a rug went down. I hoover anyway, so he can kiss my ass.

Bathroom - get a shelf put in above the loo in the corner and pay someone to fix the light. BTW, I scrubbed overspill grouting from my old flat with white scrubbing sponges - not the green ones, they stain it - and sugar soap. Worked a treat.

Come home with new things like soft furnishings and throws and just put them out.

Remove the pictures and don't put anything up for a whole, or replace with mirrors.

Put curtains up over the blinds, so you have both. And at some point the blinds will probably be sadly damaged in the wind... I fought for a year over this, and now he admits he likes it.

My next project is the bathroom, then the internal doors, then the kitchen doors.

Fflamingo · 02/05/2018 10:08

I would take all stuff off fridge door, maybe bluetac elsewhere.
Keep blinds as they are useful but get some white or neutral chiffony curtains which will soften the room. Move DVD stacks to a corner so less ibtrisive as they are storage , not really furniture.find a rug and use that as the theme for colour, pick up colours for throw, cushions.
Pot plants look v good with natural wood floors. Fake ones are dear but grouped with real ones placed in a group on the floor look nice

Fflamingo · 02/05/2018 10:09

How a room looks is more important to me than DH so I get to choose decor😁

FizzyGreenWater · 02/05/2018 10:15

This sounds terrible but one of the main problems is your DH!

I would not be able to live in a tarted-up version of the batchelor pad taste-free clunk zone.

I would not be able to live with the golf course picture (??!! why?! What relevance does it have ot anything?!) or the monstrosity above your bed.

I would have to say that I am not willing to move to a new home with him without some ground agreements. He gets one room to decorate, you get another? Something has to give. It's a perfectly decent small space which is made to look foul by some absolutely hideous decor choices - all his.

And, 'my parents gave it - we're not getting rid of it'? Er no. In my home, anything to do with the taste choices of my inlaws would not come into any equation. They can choose to give. My home: I will choose not to use if not to my taste. Works both ways of course, he can veto anything your parents might gift you. But, VETO.

AjasLipstick · 02/05/2018 10:16

My Dh wouldn't bloody notice if I took out a piece of furniture or changed the curtains! He sometimes says "Oh...is that new?" and he always likes what I do.

I can't fathom someone thinking that because the house was theirs first, that they won't change it!

FizzyGreenWater · 02/05/2018 10:18

He’s happy for me to clean it, re-arrange a few things (within reason) and have my stuff here, but he doesn’t like me changing things

Then I suggest you tell him to either wave goodbye to both you and the free cleaning, or get to grips with the fact that it's your home now too and you get a fair say.

Or, move out.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 02/05/2018 10:45

I would:

  • change the bed. A decent expense yes, but it's an investment and can take with you. A more feminine bed will massively improve the oppressiveness of the wardrobe in the bedroom
  • get rid of the DVDs. Are they honestly watched? If so, get one of those wallets and get rid of the actual cases.
  • mount the tv on the wall. I don't like this, but it will massively free up space
  • get new cushions for sofa. Or just buy a new one! We got a DFS one which is actually very good quality and good strong 7 years and 2 dc later.
  • cupboard or hamper for corner of living room where shoes/coats go to die

Otherwise I think it's ok!