Munchausen Syndrome

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AIBU to ask if you have experienced anyone with this condition? Or if there is something similar? If so, what were the 'symptoms' and how (if at all) did you get them help/did they recognise it?

I am concerned for a relative who I know lies or embellishes illnesses, conditions etc, to the point where they will exaggerate an existing condition so much they make themselves worse by not taking medication/leaving it so long to go to the Dr that their condition then requires hospitalisation.

Their health issues are all they want to talk about, to the point I can see their eyes almost glaze over when another topic is being spoken about until it can circle back round to them/their upcoming treatment/symptoms and so on.

Yes, an old friend of mine who I very rarely see I think has invented an illness for herself.

But - there's of course a nagging doubt in me that it's all true and I'm just being the most awful, evil person for doubting her. hence why I now very rarely see her as I couldn't call her out on it.

We went to university together and she was fine all through until the third year when she was hospitalized for a few days with a bad chest infection. And from then on she just seemed to change and was always finding reasons to say she wasn't well.

That was 15 years ago, but still all her facebook ever is is "checking in" at the hospital or some clinic or other. But she never actually says what's wrong. it's all very mysterious.

She can't work, but can travel a lot, luckily her partner has a good job and seems to happily look after her.

@MrsPreston11 I get nagging feelings of guilt, it is a close relative, and of course you should feel sympathy when someone is suffering, right? However some stories are so outlandish that I just cannot help thinking in my head 'Not possible'.

Sounds like it could be Munchausen, or perhaps health anxiety. Probably both.

It's a real illness, ironically. A mental illness.

I genuinely think my FIL has this. He's constantly checking into a&e on Facebook for attention, has had tests done for just about every single medical condition (all which seem to come back normal). Constantly changing what symptoms or conditions he has. He's said he's got cancer, paralysis, etc.

I now try not to take any notice and don't really comment. It's really frustrating for me as my own parents died of cancer not long ago and never once felt sorry for themselves or tried to get sympathy, whereas this man doesn't have anything and everyone is always feeling sorry for him.

That must be really hard if it's someone close.

It's the way my friend can pick and choose what her illness means she can and can't do.

She can't possibly walk from her car with a bag of shopping, I must do that for her. (And go 20 minutes out of my way, with 2 kids, to do so.)

But the same day.

She can climb all around a kids soft play.....

That really was one of the last times I saw her socially other than mutual friends weddings/parties.

What is your relative saying that's hard to believe?

@MrsPreston11

an example (with a few outing details changed) was that they have been having breathing issues, and were struggling for breath, so went to the GP, 'collapsed' in the GP surgery and the GP inserted a tube in their throat to open their airway as it had 'totally closed', they were then blue lighted to hospital, given steroids which instantly opened their throat, then merrily discharged from hospital, in the space of about 4 hours total.

I have a friend who is medically trained, who was gobsmacked and said actually a GP would not have any equipment to 'open an airway' in such a scenario and wouldn't actually be trained to do that.

They do have hayfever, but takes nothing for it and lets the symptoms just build up so they suffer far more than they need to, then dramatically complain about allergies.

@KittyKat93 I have tried ignoring, not mentioning health etc, but I get called when they are in hospital again wanting me to bring them toiletries etc.

I am so tempted to call bullshit, as usually about 70% of the stuff they tell me I know is made up/untrue or over exaggerated, but I think it would damage our relationship too much. They cannot take any criticism.

Oh wow that's very extreme. Definitely sounds like bullshit.

Have they always been like this? Other MH issues?

They have been like it for a while now, a good 6 years plus, usually the 'episodes' of exaggeration and repeat hospital visits do escalate when they have a health issues (usually fairly minor) that then becomes huge and prolonged, multiple hospital admissions, ambulances called etc.

If it's a close relative such as a parent, can you phone their GP and talk about them? The GP won't be able to give you confidential information but can listen to your concerns. They're presumably aware of this to an extent anyway if your relative is constantly turning up in their surgery or at A&E.

@GnotherGnu I was considering doing this but wasn't sure if they would speak to me, I just don't want to be 'outed' if that makes sense, so assuming they would keep the concern quiet?

GP would most definately have equipment and skills to manage an airway, but seems very unlikely she would be turned around from a+e in 4 hrs...

It sounds like full on health anxiety.
I would treat it as such, so would see supporting said relative as supporting them with their (disabling) anxiety.

However, I think you do need boundaries in what you can and can’t do.
So going to give them toiletries at hospital is one thing. But going once a week, at the drop of the hat, even if it’s in the middle of the night, maybe not iyswim.

From experience with doing exactly that,
You can do what GnotherGnu suggests. The GP will then evaluate what is best to do depending on what they know about the relative, what you told them as well as whether they think it's a valid concern.
I don’t think they would tell your relative that you told them xxx and you certainly can ask them to keep quiet in it if it’s worrying you.
They will take action if what you tell them is adding more information and they can see it’s important to do something now. Or they might wait for the next time they see your relative and ke your concerns into account t that time/be more inquisitive onthe areas and issues you’ve raised.

I had a friend like this. She has about 20 different diagnoses from her youth when her mother took her to the doctor a lot. Absolutely everything is part of her “conditions”, if she tripped over or a dog bit her, she would find a way to link it. She will sometimes tell stories she has heard other people tell, as her own. I have heard them all, she repeats them whenever someone else mentions any medical setting or issue. I don’t see her now. She last said she was being tested for a condition (which takes one blood test) over several years, she is still being given tests for the condition now apparently. She has probably cost the NHS god knows how much, when really she just likes to be listened to I think. When she’s ill, she gets attention.

@Seacow87 sorry if I wasn't clear, what they described was essentially intubation, which my friend seemed to think was preposterous, but I admit I have no idea, just seems highly dramatic, and coupled with various other incidents, just doesn't add up. The 4 hours thing too, I would have thought a 'totally closed' airway would warrant some testing etc to find out what had happened surely? Not just a 'oh it's open now, you can breathe, off you pop home'.

@VivaKondo thank you that is helpful. I will give their GP surgery a ring and try to speak to their Doctor.

The stories get embellished more with each person she regales, so by the time I heard it (third person to hear it), they had added in that 'an air ambulance was on standby while the GP opened their airway'

When working in Education, we did have a case of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy. This was where a parent kept a child away from school for weeks at a time with continual referrals to Doctors who could find nothing wrong. I was involved because my section was providing home tuition and the parent complained it was not the full secondary curriculum. I liaised closely with our Welfare Officers who investigated the case and came to the conclusion that as soon as one mystery illness concluded, another started.

After we eventually agreed that the secondary age child could have home tuition (4 or 5 subjects as I recall) the primary age child started to have huge amounts of time off school as well and started having numerous medical appointments to find out what was wrong. I left my job as the second investigation was going on, so I do not know the outcome, but I suspect neither child went to school or had any friends. It is possibly a form of child abuse.

People can behave very strangely about suspected illness and seem to like the attention it brings. We have friends who write about their various illnesses in their Christmas letters to us. We have met their new friends/neighbours because they moved further away from us, and their new friends and neighbours asked us if X, in particular, was always ill when they lived near us! It was the first topic of conversation. They laughed about it but it does take up valuable medical time and expertise.

OP, if they are like my friend was, they may well be googling more conditions to have and need testing for. They may even lie to the gp about their symptoms so that it seems more likely. The embellishing will seem believable to a degree, because they’ll read up on procedures.

My cousin is like this. She has had virtually every investigation available. I think she actually harms herself to get ill. I’m a doctor myself so I know when her stories don’t ring true. To be honest I’ve given up on her, and haven’t seen her for years. She has a lovely partner, and innumerable friends on Facebook who send her hugs every time she has another hospital admission. But she’s never happier than when she’s in A&E, preferably at a critical time when peoples plans can be disrupted eg Christmas . She was rather neglected as a child and I think this is the only way she gets to feel valued. She needs drama. It’s sad but after 40 years of it I’m done.

I have a friend who has Health Anxiety. She never talks about anything else and there is a new ailment every week. It's obsessive and she is well researched on drug names and their uses and side effects (she always seems to have a drug reaction) she has done things in the past to make herself ill (took a ridiculous amount of vitamin D pills, but I don't know whether she thought she was deficient, which is why she did it) and then spent weeks having blood tests. I can't really explain all the other things, but she is really isn't physically ill, but is totally convinced she is, it is definitely an illness in her head.

Munchausen by proxy. As a student nurse, a mother used to deliberately set of her kids' asthma- she had 4 boys and there was always at least one of them hospitalised. She loved the drama and I think she was also obsessed with the paediatrician. They could never prove anything but they were all certain it was her. Very disturbing.

After watching an episode of house I guessed that one of my colleagues has this. I genuinely thought she was ill at the time , sudden collapses at work , vomiting after every meal . Other things I can't remember .

As a child her younger sister had a catastrophic injury that led her parents to spend several years away at Great Ormond st.

So I guess she craved the attention .

I don't know how she is now as she changed jobs. I never told anyone of my suspicions.

Just a note, that Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy has been largely discredited - and the doctor who coined the phrase, Roy Meadows, ended up being struck off after he was central to the inprisonment of 3 women, all the convictions were overturned. Sally Clarke probably being the most well known.

There is Fabricated Illness by Carers..which implies that a person has in that particular case, made a child sick for attention. MSbP is based on the idea that the person actually has a personality disorder/their whole character is predisposed for this behaviour, which means any child in their care might be at risk for example.

Anyway, yes, was the child of...

Sounds to me OP as if your relative is not well; not sure about health anxiety..does that cause people to elaborate more and more? Does sound a lot like attention seeking. If no-one has ever taken much notice of you, and then someone is listening intently (and physically trying to make you feel better), that can be quite intoxicating apparently.

Agree with PP - tell the GP in confidence, and just say you’re concerned it indicates some kind of problem, but obviously they are hte judges etc etc. Good luck, and try and keep a healthy distance.

*imprisonment

There's a bit of a rabbit hole to be had in the 'spoonie' online community- mainly US cases- if you are interested, google 'chronically Jaquie'. She has her own YouTube channel and her 'descent' into various ailments and needing more and more 'essential' medical equipment (that age grows bored with and then moves onto something else) and her hospital admissions for 'a lot of anaphylaxis' (that no medical professional has managed to witness) is nothing short of fascinating but tragic at the same time- she is only 22. She most likely lied her way to a feeding tube (she can eat perfectly well) it's very sad- I don't believe she knows any other kind of existence than getting attention for her health.

I'll have to ask the GP'S where I work if they have the equipment to intubate as my interest has now been piqued. They have oxygen in the surgery though.

Perhaps they would preform a tracheotomy with a bic pen and a bottle of whiskey.