AIBU to wash my friend's DD's coat?

[anniemagoo]

My friend's DD comes for tea every week after school. She's been wearing the same white coat all winter. And every week the coat is looking filthier and filthier. I have no idea why my friend lets her walk around like it.

Every week that coat hangs on my bannister while she's here and I keep looking at it thinking I could just pop it in my washing machine. But I resist because it's not my place.

Well she forgot to take it home today. I texted my friend and she said don't worry she'll pick it up sometime when passing.

So now I'm looking at it thinking should I just pop it in my machine? Or is that out of order.

Sorry if I sound judgy. I'm not normally.

I always wash the bits and pieces which get left at ours by visiting children before I hand them back; ditto the random jumpers etc my DC bring home from school. If nothing else it means that the item is immediately wearable as soon as it's handed over - so in the case where they don't have lots of jumpers/spare PE kit, etc, their parent doesn't have to do a mad rush to make it ready. As do my friends when my children leave things at theirs. Equally, I wouldn't be offended if someone didn't.

Will it or won't it, come out snowy white?

I bet 2 bags of pom bears it'll still be grubby.

LBOCS2 somehow a coat is different. I think its because people don't wash coats every few days, and in this case the other mother hasn't chosen to wash the coat in months.

On the upside, spring is here now and the coat will likely be too small next winter.

Good OP!

Did you cook a very smelly meal last OP? Curry/fish pie/ garlic bread...
Maybe you realised that the coat was in the kitchen & you didn't want to give it back smelling of last nights dinner???

Will it or won't it, come out snowy white?

I'm going for a yes... I think OP is in control of this!

I've done this before. Grubby bags and coats really bother me (I know this is my issue btw). I usually blame it on a clumsy moment or the dog.

I'd just let parent know which wash powder stuff you use in case they have sensitive skin.

YourHandInMyHand

So you know it's your issue but you do it anyway?

Glad you've got a story op.
I do think it's a bit rude to wash a childs coat. Washing a t-shirt or socks left isn't but a coat is quite a big item. It wasn't waterproof was it? Maybe the mum hasn't washed it because it was difficult to wash?

And washing dcs clothes at a sleepover is plain weird, unless they've been sick or wet the bed or something. I wouldnt be upset about it I'd just think you were strange.

OP could you do a before and after photo, like the ads? Not the whole garment, just a grubby patch.

Op please do what Tawdrylocalbrouhaha suggests!!

I need to know if the coat came out nice and white and clean .

I don't know if I'd have done it, but I'd have been sorely tempted.

Me too! How long now?

I do wash stuff eg if my kid came home with the wrong jumper, I'd wash and return, fine, same if clothes were left behind and I wouldn't see them for a few days. So in this context I might well wash the coat.

Kids here on playdate or sleepover, no way would I wash their clothes.

and I have said it, but no-one else seems to find it odd:

DON'T put my kids clothes in the TUMBLE DRYER.

Do you all really tumble all clothes etc?
If my kids came to your house on a playdate and came home with socks /school shirt/ school jumper that had been through the dryer, I would be steaming and want to ask you to pay for new, but too polite.

This is NOT your responisbility and it IS intrusive. Not my problem that you have a washing issue.

I am with pp, it feels like personal care.

well, if some1 can get my dd to have her nails cut without punching them in the face or wash her hair without her screaming the house down and accusing them of trying to kill her, the fair fucking play, I would them salute and buy them a large bottle of wine, (I'd then contemplate the possibility of kidnapping them until my dd stops being such a diva)

If it didn't go in the washing machine til this morning, is it safe to assume it has been pre soaking in some vanish or similar?

Currently, boiling dcs supposedly white socks in lemon water before attempting to machine wash, if they come out white and even remotely stain free I will be ecstatic, if they don't I will get a life and buy new tomorrow 😜

My dd had a cream coat i bought in sale one winter. By the end of the winter the arms and front were terribly stained despite washing. I chucked it gratefully.

It might feel like personal care but it is not.

Personal care requires the person to be present so as the care can be administered.

You are confusing personal care with personal assistance, which would include laundry, cleaning shoes, help with shopping, housework and so on.

Personal care is much more intimate.
Examples attached.

Personal assistants.*

@Steppemum no I would not put any1s kids clothes in the tumble dryer (don't have 1 it died after a completely accidental kicking), but even if I did I wouldn't put kids clothes in as they don't last with over use of the tumble dryer.
I have used neighbours dryer in an emergency but that was for some knickers when potty training (it wasn't going well).

BUT, personal care or not if a child comes to my house with dirty clothes, they are going home clean if i can.

Are those who say no it's rude really suggesting they would NEVER wash another child's clothes? What if they absolutely stank of wee or b.o or (god forbid) stale cigarettes?

If you washed my kid's coat and then put a before/after picture on Mumsnet to Skye everyone what a dirty sloven I am, as some are suggesting you should, I would never speak to you again and my children would not be playing with yours again either. In case you are thinking about doing that.

the dog trampled on it in dirty shoes

Oh lighten up Mookatron.

'lighten up'

The chorus of bullies everywhere.

If washing the coast makes you feel better OP, great. You don't have to make somebody else feel shit by literally washing their dirty linen in public.

”The chorus of bullies everywhere.”

The chorus of victims everywhere.
If you feel bullied after those two words that’s your stuff my friend!

NotTaken - when kids at school are in filthy clothes, it is reported to SS.
SS then come out and visit. (this was a regualr occurrance at the school I worked at in the inner city)

So, while your dictionary definition of personal care may not include clean clothes, there is an accepted norm that dirty clothes = poor care of child.
So when you wash the visiting kids clothes, yes, you are making a comment on the care of the child ie that they are poorly cared for.

It is also embarrassing to the child if they visit in dirty clothes and you say - take your clothes off, put on my child's clean clothes and then I'll wash your clothes, so you can go home clean.

Not your place. At. All.

Totally different if there is a reason, eg toilet accident, or, as happened with me, we walked the dog and paddled in the river and visiting boys fell over and got soaked, so I did spare clothes all round and washed theirs.

I'd wash it and if friend seemed bothered then go with the "something got spilled on it" thing.

Also - my white washes are often only half full anyway, so I'm always searching the house for white things to add, so you could also say that.

If my DD borrows clothes from someone I always wash before they go back so it's not too dissimilar.