AIBU to wash my friend's DD's coat?

[anniemagoo]

My friend's DD comes for tea every week after school. She's been wearing the same white coat all winter. And every week the coat is looking filthier and filthier. I have no idea why my friend lets her walk around like it.

Every week that coat hangs on my bannister while she's here and I keep looking at it thinking I could just pop it in my washing machine. But I resist because it's not my place.

Well she forgot to take it home today. I texted my friend and she said don't worry she'll pick it up sometime when passing.

So now I'm looking at it thinking should I just pop it in my machine? Or is that out of order.

Sorry if I sound judgy. I'm not normally.

Wash it, but know that you are doing it for yourself and no one else.

I would, I hate grubby things. But I wouldn’t see it as any favour. It would just give me a deep satisfaction to wash the grubby coat.

I would say, “dh put it in with the other whites, thinking it was one of ours, so we saved you a job this week at least.”

I would be terribly upset if my child's coat was washed whilst in someone else's house. So embarrassing.

I don't really understand this thinking.

If you'd be embarrassed by it, then presumably you'd never let it get into such a state that a random felt compelled to wash it.

I'd be more embarrassed by my DC going around in a filthy coat .... so wouldn't let it get into that state.

Oysterbabe
"The friend may be offended because it's rude, it's basically saying You should have washed this. We don't even know if it's actually dirty or just Mumsnet dirty, if you don't do a daily zoflora enema and change your sheets every time you roll over you're basically a hobo."

I LOVE this!

My DD has a grubby coat. It's pale blue and stained. I'm intending on throwing it out when if this interminable winter ends. There would be no point in washing it, I've already tried.

It depends on how close you are to the mum! I wash my best friends clothes when they get left behind, but I don't wash any other kids clothes without asking first, because they're not my kid.

Well, yes Dowager..... Fair point. We're talking theoretically, and no, I wouldn't let my child's coat get that dirty... but in honesty, if someone did wash my children's clothes whilst on a brief visit, I can't help but think I would be upset about it. We're all different !

It's in the washing machine! 🤪

My DS came home with another child's trousers after scout camp one time. They were absolutely caked in mud as you might expect. I contacted the parents to say I had them, and they said just to bring them to next scouts meeting - which was in 2 weeks time. They followed it up with - please don't wash them as their DC was likely to be allergic to whatever I used (bearing in mind that DS and I both have eczema so are quite careful anyway!).

For this reason, I'd never wash another child's item without checking first.

How does OP know that the item is actually filthy as opposed to regularly washed and the dirt is just now worn in? or the DC is the sort that gets clothes grubby the second they are put on? How would OP feel if they knew the other mum was judging them?

You'd be getting a mild ear-bashing from me, OP. 'Please don't take it upon yourself to wash my child's things - it's rude.'

For those saying they'd be happy to wash other people's clothes and don't think it sends a message that you think they are a pig for not doing it themselves before you had to take over , how would you feel if your DD/DS came back from a play date with freshly laundered clothes?
How about trimmed nails?
Cleaned shoes?
Washed hair?

Op if washing another child’s coat prompts the crazy zainy emoticon in your life... might I suggest a sitter and the odd evening away from the house?!

mmzz Cleaned hair and cut nails come under personal care, so not comparable.

NotTakenUsername

Definitely comparable, in my view.

Now that you've done it, I hope you are going to tell a white lie to protect the other mother's feelings, OP?

Not at all comparable. They involve touching the child.

NotTakenUsername

Definitely comparable. Comparable doesn't mean exactly the same. In the sense that one involves touching the child, they're different. In the sense that both involve someone who isn't a primary carer taking on keeping the child and its possessions clean, they are the same. I would be offended by either for that reason.

I disagree.

If a child had ‘left’ their hair or fingernails at my house to be collected at a later date, and I could wash or trim them while I was doing my own kids, then it’s comparable.

The child must be actively involved in the process and it is extra work - different from chucking a couple of extra items in the machine.

NotTakenUsername

Clearly you disagree. I see that.

Ah, what an insightful response.

Let me just ponder your opinion for a moment...

I think as long as you’re not going to damage it (ie remove fur trimmings) it’s a kind thing to do. I never get time to do my DCs coats i’d be so grateful! (My DC have black coats though!!!)

DD brought home another child's cardigan last Friday. I knew it wasn't hers but I chucked it in the wash anyway. When I sent her back to school on Monday she gave it to the teacher and told her it had been washed and apparently the teacher was surprised I'd bothered. Maybe washing other people's things isn't that common

Good. Glad it’s in the wash.

Maybe if it’s that dirty and there are no extenuating circumstances (can’t afford washing powder/disabilities affecting doing laundry) she should feel judged? Or at least learn that if you’re too skanky to wash your kids’ clothes regularly, don’t buy white things.

NotTakenUsername

You're being very rude. I will ignore you, works for me!

Now that you've done it, I hope you are going to tell a white lie to protect the other mother's feelings, OP?

Yes I have thought up a story that meant the coat sadly got knocked off / dirty while here.