AIBU to wash my friend's DD's coat?

[anniemagoo]

My friend's DD comes for tea every week after school. She's been wearing the same white coat all winter. And every week the coat is looking filthier and filthier. I have no idea why my friend lets her walk around like it.

Every week that coat hangs on my bannister while she's here and I keep looking at it thinking I could just pop it in my washing machine. But I resist because it's not my place.

Well she forgot to take it home today. I texted my friend and she said don't worry she'll pick it up sometime when passing.

So now I'm looking at it thinking should I just pop it in my machine? Or is that out of order.

Sorry if I sound judgy. I'm not normally.

I was a child minder and one of the girls I cared for had a coat that was literally covered in snail trails up both arms (snot) and completely minging. I had had enough so I washed it, handed it back to the mum still damp and said something got spilt on it and it needed washing out! Lol. Best thing I ever did!

I always wash dc's friend's clothes when they stay. They are all in the habit of putting their uniform, PE and football kits in my laundry basket when they come in and shower. So automatically everything gets washed and dried before they go home. One mum was pleasantly surprised as she picked her ds up at 7pm on a Sunday evening after the boys had played a match. She'd been fretting to how she would wash and dry his kit for the next day. Another teen used to wet the bed until he was 14. I used to put his pj's in with the wet sheets in the morning, I would have been embarrassed to send home wet clothes.
To be honest I've always done it and never thought anything of it

Why on EARTH would so many of you be offended if someone washed your kids coat?

Because it's fucking rude!

I just see it as doing her a favour, but can also see how it might upset the parent.

Snowy uniform, Oe kit and pjs is not the same as washing a child’s coat.

It’s really not.

snowy, in the examples you give, I would not be offended - kit needed for next day and late collection, and kid wetting the bed.

BUT I would still have an issue over you sticking clothes in the tumble dryer.

And I do still find it strange that a kid stays over night at your house and you wash their clothes.
It is intrusive and bit rude. If I went to stay with someone, I wouldn't want them to wash my clothes, unless I was there for a week or so.

I wash DSDs coat every other weekend when she comes.

It stinks of dog and sweat and it’s foul.

I couldn’t care less what her mum thinks, she should wash it herself.

Do it.

A. Check that it can be washed and doesn't need dry cleaning.
B. If it can be washed, then wash it
C. Say that you got muddy shoes on it

ONLY if you're sure she won't see this thread!

Ouch it's delicate... I would want to help the child but not embarrass my friend... It depends what sort of relationship you have.
With some of my friends I could say hey you filthy cow, your kid's coat kept trying to run back home by itself 😂... and they would just laugh.
With others.... hmmmm.... I would just pretend not to notice!
Which one is your friend? Xx

Wash wash wash wash!!!!

Oh the judginess of mumsnet mums... My sister used to insist on wearing clothes in tagged holes, as she wanted to be a pirate. One day one of her friends' mum pulled my mum aside and kindly offered to donate some of friends clothes so sister would have something whole to wear. Mum was mortified, sister unrepentant and unredeemable. So dont just assume 'poor kid, how happy she'll be that a kind adult washed her coat...'. Unless you have doubts about the mum's ability to parent and actually suspect her of neglect, she probably knows what she's doing.

I would wash it - seems a normal thing to do. If we have kids stay with us longer than one night I always throw their clothes in the washer when I'm doing a load. No extra work for me. I honestly don't understand how this could offend anyone.

I'd wash it - but then any kids' clothing left round mine gets lobbed into the washing machine with all the other stuff from the DC's floordrobes and I don't even give it a thought.

My DD often has friends overnight or stays over at her friends' houses. I always wash and return her friends' clothes clean and dry, and those friends' parents do the same when DD stays over. It's a common courtesy here (I'm in Australia) and helps lessen all the stuff that parents have to do.

Just wash that coat according to instructions. If you have to fib to save face, do so.

I’m always searching for more stuff to wash because I need one particular item washed, but it seems wasteful to wash only one thing. So I’m picking up whatever I can find to get the full load. Even if it’s not really dirty, but has been worn.
My DD (3yo) said to my sister once “no socks for you”, pulled them off her feet and chucked them in the wash. I was about to put the black load on, so I washed them. She went home wearing my socks. Not a big deal.
I wouldn’t have a problem doing it to anyone’s clothes who visits me and is not planning to leave for at least 2 hours (1 hour of wash, 1 hour of drying).
I remember washing machine advert from 10+ years ago where guy comes to visit his friend and friend’s wife demands his clothes as soon as he walks in because she enjoys washing clothes with her brand new washing machine. I’m very close to being like that wife.

Yeah, wash it. Use my excuse if needed.

Absolutely I'd wash it.

I wouldn't think the mother was neglectful for heaven's sake I'd probably assume she has a lot on her plate and hadn't gotten around to it. I've got three kids and sometimes things fall by the wayside. It happens.

I'd make sure to tell her I spilled something on it though and would definitely not put it in the dryer.

I have actually done this when a child was staying on a sleepover. The jacket had been annoying me for two years. I lied about an accident involving a cup of cocoa - "tripped over the cat, clumsy me, cat escaped unscathed, jacket absorbed a direct hit, so sorry, couldn't possibly send little M out in it all soaked in cocoa so washed and dried it, hope you don't mind..."

Yes deffo wash it. If it’s white, in fairness, it probably has been washed. Dd has a light coloured coat and she gets it muddy as soon as look at it or the dog jumps on her. Thankfully I managed to pick up a more sensible coloured coat in the sale and it’s her fave so the cream one doesn’t get worn very often.

Otoh dds friends mother has been wearing the same coat for 4 years and never washed it. It’s vile and makes me feel sick just looking at it. I’d love to get my hands on the bugger!

This whole 'I wash anything I can get my hands on' thing is making me think some people need to get a life!

Yes ! Just lie and say that it fell in the floor and got trampled on . Apologise profusely ! (For the falling not the washing )?

Please wash it! Pop it on now and it can dry all day!

I would also wash it

As long as care instructions are not dry clean only and child doesn't have allergies I'd just bung it in the washing machine

If you have washed it and it’s a waterproof coat please use the right stuff and don’t render it useless!

I wash waterproof stuff as little as poss

Sorry, but I would consider it rude. You're basically saying "I don't want dirty items in my house." It isn't your business to wash anyone else's clothing unless you're told you can. You shouldn't take it upon yourself. It's not kindness. It's a judgement snub.

I would be terribly upset if my child's coat was washed whilst in someone else's house. So embarrassing.