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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to wash my friend's DD's coat?

444 replies

anniemagoo · 30/04/2018 19:23

My friend's DD comes for tea every week after school. She's been wearing the same white coat all winter. And every week the coat is looking filthier and filthier. I have no idea why my friend lets her walk around like it.

Every week that coat hangs on my bannister while she's here and I keep looking at it thinking I could just pop it in my washing machine. But I resist because it's not my place.

Well she forgot to take it home today. I texted my friend and she said don't worry she'll pick it up sometime when passing.

So now I'm looking at it thinking should I just pop it in my machine? Or is that out of order.

Sorry if I sound judgy. I'm not normally.

OP posts:
Bekstar · 01/05/2018 18:19

So long as you know the kid does have an allergy to your washing powder or that there isn't a reason she keeps it dirty. Such as a famous person wiped their hands on it, or it smells like a deceased loved one. I know my DS clung to one jumper for over a year and wouldn't let me wash it because it smelt of our elderly Jack Russel who had passed. I brushed it off every now n then but couldn't wash although it did stay reasonably clean most the time as he tended to drape it round his neck more than wear it. But if you feel her coat really does need a wash then do it and just say "Sorry I gathered it up with my own kids stuff without thinking when doing the washing. Don't make anything of it.

LanguidLobster · 01/05/2018 18:22

Pengggwn she did say she had no idea and didn't criticise her friend!

Anyway the deed is done, there's one clean coat, hopefully friend won't be upset.

OreoMini · 01/05/2018 18:22

OnNaturesCourse There is no good reason to let your child walk around outside looking a mess in dirty clothes.

Pengggwn · 01/05/2018 18:23

LanguidLobster

Of course that is criticism! The obvious point is that she wouldn't let her child walk round that because doing so is somehow wrong. Please don't try to wring neutrality out of that statement!

Supermagicsmile · 01/05/2018 18:25

How is the drying going op?

UnsuspectedItem · 01/05/2018 18:26

I'm astounded people would actually be offended. It's a coat. It's dirty. So it needs to be washed.

It's a coat, not a toy or a comfort blanket and thus the chances of it being "sentimentally dirty" are slim. Especially as it has been left behind with no drama to speak of.

Plus the child is school aged, so highly unlikely to have a smell-related attachment to a coat.

Sometimes I wonder if people on here just enjoying making shit up and thinking of any miniscule scenario for the pleasure of saying YABU.

If the parent doesn't care enough to wash a filthy coat, she is unlikely to care if it's been washed.

It must be exhausting to be so offended all the time 🙄

The only thing that would make this offensive is if the OP handed the clean coat over by saying "here you are, you scuzzy wanker, I washed the coat cause you're too lazy to do it clearly. Try to be less slovenly eh?"

Pengggwn · 01/05/2018 18:27

The only thing that would make this offensive is if the OP handed the clean coat over by saying "here you are, you scuzzy wanker, I washed the coat cause you're too lazy to do it clearly. Try to be less slovenly eh?"

What, you mean if she told the truth about what she thinks? The only way the OP is going avoid offending her friend is if the friend believes her lie. That doesn't make what she did inoffensive, it just means the friend won't know why she did it.

RubyFlint · 01/05/2018 18:28

It has been washed

crunchtime · 01/05/2018 18:28

he obvious point is that she wouldn't let her child walk round that because doing so is somehow wrong.

I am sorry-but allowing your children to walk around in filthy clothes IS wrong!
You can dress it up however you like but it's wrong. It is neglectful.

Would you walk around in a filthy dirty coat that everyone could see?

Pengggwn · 01/05/2018 18:29

crunchtime

It is NOT neglectful. It's a bit of mud and grime. The child is not otherwise dirty, does not smell, has clothes that fit and are functional. Please don't start with the 'it's wrong' - it's not what you would do, but it is not 'wrong'.

crunchtime · 01/05/2018 18:32

it is wrong.

Dirt that is so bad it is noticeable and visible over a period of time in wrong.

Wallywobbles · 01/05/2018 18:33

When your kids go to stay with people for several nights do you mind if their clothes come back washed? We stick everyone's clothes in the wash every night. We are a family of 6 there's a load on every day. It never occurred to me to separate out their dirty smalls and T-shirt's from ours.

crunchtime · 01/05/2018 18:34

have a look at this from nspcc -signs of neglect
unwashed clothes

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-abuse-and-neglect/neglect/signs-symptoms-effects-neglect/

you can dress it up however you like- a bit of mud and grime...if it's dirty over a period of time-ie longer than a week or so..it is wrong

Pengggwn · 01/05/2018 18:34

crunchtime

What? What is wrong with a bit of visible dirt? What moral code did we all sign up to that included this proviso, and how do I exempt myself from it?

I genuinely believe some people have lost perspective on what 'wrong' means. Wrong means hurting others, it does not mean visible dirt! FFS.

OreoMini · 01/05/2018 18:35

Wallywobbles I’d love it if you washed my kids clothes while they stayed over yoursGrin

TheDowagerCuntess · 01/05/2018 18:35

Well, neither is it right to just let clothes get more and more dirty.

Which is why we have washing machines and regular laundry routines.

The deed is done now anyway - and many people would've done the same.

If you'd feel bad that someone might feel compelled to wash your DC's, um, 'well-worn' item of clothing, maybe it's time to consider popping it in the wash. It's actually not hard.

Pengggwn · 01/05/2018 18:35

Having one of the signs or symptoms below doesn't necessarily mean that a child is being neglected. But if you notice multiple, or persistent, signs then it could indicate there’s a serious problem.

From the same website, crunch. Get a grip.

NotTakenUsername · 01/05/2018 18:36

It's a bit of mud and grime.

No. It’s a winters worth of filth. Op has noticed it getting worse and worse week after week. Envy

ittakes2 · 01/05/2018 18:37

Just text her and say you are washing your DDs coat and would she like you to wash her daughters at the same time. If it’s a waterproof - it might be why she is not washing it.

OreoMini · 01/05/2018 18:37

Pengggwn I don’t know how you can actually think sending kids out in filthy coats is rightConfused of course it’s wrong to send your kids out in dirty clothes! Confused

Pengggwn · 01/05/2018 18:37

NotTakenUsername

But it's not shit, is it? Just normal dirt from wearing the coat outside. 'Wrong' isn't the word I would use to describe that and I don't care what anyone says.

Pengggwn · 01/05/2018 18:38

OreoMini

There is no 'of course' about it. This is subjective, and I think people saying 'visible dirt is wrong' are being hysterical.

crunchtime · 01/05/2018 18:38

doesn't necessarily mean that a child is being neglected.

note the word necessarily

if the school are on their game then the coat will have been noticed and been made a note of by them

yetAnotherNewName1000 · 01/05/2018 18:39

I know it's washed now, but i wouldn't have done it. I would be seriously pissed off if one of my dd's friends washed their coat. I think it's bloody rude and is clearly suggesting that the mother is slovenly and the op is 'better' in some way. Added to which, it will smell wrong and i'd be tempted to wash it again and if the coat is anything like my dd's coat, they don't last as long with frequent washing.

crunchtime · 01/05/2018 18:39

pengwyn-do you wear visibly filthy clothes yourself?

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