AIBU to wash my friend's DD's coat?

[anniemagoo]

My friend's DD comes for tea every week after school. She's been wearing the same white coat all winter. And every week the coat is looking filthier and filthier. I have no idea why my friend lets her walk around like it.

Every week that coat hangs on my bannister while she's here and I keep looking at it thinking I could just pop it in my washing machine. But I resist because it's not my place.

Well she forgot to take it home today. I texted my friend and she said don't worry she'll pick it up sometime when passing.

So now I'm looking at it thinking should I just pop it in my machine? Or is that out of order.

Sorry if I sound judgy. I'm not normally.

@jammiebammie don't know if your daughters coat is down, but this may help. We all have down winter coats and the washing instructions just said wash, rinse and dry at 30 degrees. Did that and all the down clumped. Emailed the company and they said that after washing, the coat should be put on at least 4 rinse cycles only, to remove any residue of soap, then dry in dryer. So a bit of a palaver, but I now wash, do 4-5 extra rinses then dry and coats are all good year after year.

Good for you, I'd have washed it too.

It might have been because the mum couldn't get it off her daughters back -I can't my sons ......

Did anyone else shove coats in the washing machine after reading this thread, or just me?

DougFargo the thought did cross my mind!

I can't believe how many posters would be pissed off at someone else washing their kids coat if you're so bothered then you should have washed it yourself

I echo Pengggwyn, it is the idea that you make the decision about my childs clothes and not me, that you are a better judge of when somethign is dirty not me. You are overstepping the mark.

In the example you give the clothes are wet and muddy, of course you should offer dry clothes.

But if the kids get normally mucky playing, and are being picked up later, why on earth would you?
It is the suggestion of some that you make kids get changed so you can wash their clothes on a playdate that is frankly weird.
Neices and nephews maybe.

Am I really the only one who finds the idea that you make the child get changed, wash their clothes and then change them back to send them home odd? Again, if they are wet/toilet accident that is different, but a bit of garden mud, or playdough or whatever.
(and yes I am totally aware that the coat in this case has been left behind and that many of us do wash clothes left behind before returning)

Did anyone else shove coats in the washing machine after reading this thread, or just me?

I washed my DC's coats last night .

I stand by what I said - if you even NOTICE that someone has washed your child's coat, it was dirty, and YOU should have washed it. You just shouldn't send children out in clothes that are so dirty that you notice if they come back clean.

colditz

And I stand by what I say: that isn't your call to make because they're not your kids.

SO when is it someone else's call to make, Peng? When the clothes are in rags? When the child's skin is visibly sore from dirt? When the child's clothes smell and the child is being shunned by kids who can't bear the stench? There does come a point where someone else has to step in because the parents never did. The point at which a coat is SO DIRTY that it's noticible that it's been washed is that point, in my opinion (and please don't pretend you have more to offer than an opinion)

colditz

I don't 'pretend I have more to offer than an opinion', but my opinion is that you are massively conflating issues of neglect with the non-issue of a coat being dirtier than you would keep it. It is quite simply none of your business. I wouldn't be bringing my child to your house again if you so obviously couldn't understand the difference between helping a neglected child and being a nosey, overstepping bat.

if you even NOTICE that someone has washed your child's coat, it was dirty, and YOU should have washed it

you've just proved the problem right there. Its neither your business nor your decision as to what is too dirty on my kids. You don't get to tell me when I should wash things, you're not the boss of laundry.

I would be chuffed to bits if you washed my kids clothes!

slattern

SO when is it someone else's call to make, Peng? When the clothes are in rags? When the child's skin is visibly sore from dirt?

Colditz the OP knows the other mother well. She hasn’t made even the least suggestion that this child is neglected in any way.

She just stated that a grubby coat has been annoying her and took it upon herself to wash it.

She overstepped the mark washing it and I hope she hasn’t impacted her friendship with the other Mum.

I might smile politely and say thank you but I’d be seriously irritated.

The OP knows she overstepped, that’s why she’s going to lie about it.

I'd wash it. She wouldn't be mortified I doubt, or the kiddie wouldn't be walking around in a dirty coat to start with

I agree with Pengggwn.

I think you do, too, OP. Otherwise there would have been no thread. If the child had dropped paint on her top in your house or fallen into the cat litter tray, you'd never have asked. Fresh clothes, wash hers, no thread. You knew this was wrong, hence the thread.

I agree with others...could just wash it and say something spilled on it. My daughter has a silver coat and I swear I have to wash every week as it gets dirty very quickly..even 5 mins after she puts it on after it's been cleaned it's dirty again and you'd probably think it never just got washed. Maybe she does wash it but it gets dirty very fast. But yea..give it a wash and make an excuse

If the coats dirty why is the kid even going out in it?
The mum should be washing her own daughters clothes but if she can’t be bothered then I don’t see a problem with you doing it OP.

I don't understand the 'mind your own business' types of people. It takes a village and all that, and I wouldn't give a flying fuck if one of my kids coats was dirty and one of my friends washed it. If you're offended then either you need to wash your children's clothes or get a bloody grip, quite frankly.

No. It could be the child that's refusing it being washed for whatever reason.

I don't understand the 'mind your own business' types of people

try harder. Very often you should mind your business. It doesn't take a village to wash a coat.

Looking forward to hearing her reaction.

So when did a child get to decide when you can wash there coat?! If it’s dirty then it’s bloody dirty and needs a wash.

Might do if everyone shits themselves at the thought of interacting with other people's children

Yea I would - say your really embarrassed but your young kid or someone else’s dirty hands got on it, but you’ve washed so it’s all gone now --plus the rest of the dirt! --

I will admit I didn't realise coats could be washed without loosing the waterproofing layer. I've only ever washed very light coats that aren't much more than an extra layer for warmth. I'd be terrified of washing someone else's raincoat.