To be annoyed at SIL letting her DS open my DS's gift?

[Flutist]

When we've been to dinner at SIL's house we met her husband's parents a few times. SIL drove down to visit them yesterday and they gave her a gift to pass on to our new DS who was born a couple of months ago.

Last night SIL was texting my DH and was saying that her son (age 1) was crying because he wasn't allowed to open the gift from his granny and grandad. She'd tried to explain it was for my DS, not for him, but (unsurprisingly) he didn't understand. The conversation continued: He likes unwrapping parcels! Don't think you are going to get this gift haha, he's determined to open it (video of him bashing the parcel on the floor) Oops he's ripped the paper... Aww it's a teddy bear! Photo of DN holding the teddy bear and crying because she was trying to take it away from him.

DH showed me the messages and I was so angry! Yes I know DN is only little and I know my DS is tiny and doesn't know if his gift has been opened, but AIBU to think SIL shouldn't have let DN play with the parcel at all, never mind open it! She should just have said firmly "No, that's for your cousin not for you" and removed it and put it away. Or not let him touch it in the first place!

She was obviously letting him play with the teddy and get it covered in snot and sticky fingers - she said don't worry I'll wipe the crumbs off it before I drop it off, haha. Well my DS doesn't want a dirty second hand toy so I told DH to text "let him keep it, DS has loads of toys". I'm now thinking that DN is going to grow up to be an obnoxious entitled little shit because he's never been told NO.

AIBU to send a thankyou card to SIL's husband's parents and add that unfortunately DS didn't receive the gift because DN opened it and wanted to keep it?

She sounds tedious op. Yanbu

Easy to say you’d say no but if your kid kicks off when you are visiting sometimes you just do whatever you need to to shut them

This is why kids go off the rails.

It would have been a few tears and then ended. How ridiculous of your SIL.

I would also tell them to keep it. Hopefully she'll realise how pissed off you are.

I would say thanks for the gift to the Grandparents as well...and say no more.

You both sound a bit pfb. She probably thinks everything her 1year old is adorable and cute and can't fathom that everyone else doesn't see his behaviour the same way. You sound a bit OTT saying your baby doesn't want a 2nd hand dirty gift! Mine has lots of hand me downs that are fine. Obviously, you are in the right as it is a gift for your baby that shouldn't have been opened and most new parents wouldn't like it. But try chill a bit as it will soon be yours banging on your coffee table (good luck saying no... 1 year olds aren't great at listening to no).

She shouldn't have let him open the gift. However you are being unreasonable by saying you don't want it now he has opened it (he is young enough that it can just be tactfully taken away a little later). I also think that a lot of your posts seem to demonstrate a complete lack of understanding as to what a one year old is capable of doing.

Obviously do the same back when your ds is old enough !

I’m sure OP will do the same or similar pfb things when her child is older. Let it go.

I feel like I’ve stepped into a parallel universe. I guess I’d just shrug at this and put it down to the fact there’s nowt stranger than folk. So your SIL let her baby tear the paper off and cuddle the bear? It doesn’t seem worth sacrificing a relationship for this.

dn is to young to be blamed for this, sil sounds entitled and maybe a bit jealous that you are now getting attention or taking attention from her ds

send a thank you note, I would say that you havent had the gift and why

Your sil was completely ridiculous. I know someone who never said no to her child. The child is not liked by many people, she of course thinks everyone loves him. I don’t know how she can be so deluded.

He's 1. None of his behaviour is at all unreasonable or unusual at 1.

This is not the fault of your DN but SIL has behaved badly. She needs to teach her son that he can't always have or do everything he wants. It was poor parenting. She should have removed it from his sight and from his grasp with a firm no and had the guts to deal with any ensuing meltdown. I would send a note to say: thank you for the lovely thought. DS didn't actually end up with the teddy as DN was allowed to open it at his house and when I saw the video SIL sent of him playing with it, it didn't seem fair on him to ask for it back after he had been given permission to open and play with it. DN wouldn't have understood why, so he has kept the teddy but thanks so much again for what was a really kind thought.

I feel like I’ve stepped into a parallel universe. I guess I’d just shrug at this and put it down to the fact there’s nowt stranger than folk. So your SIL let her baby tear the paper off and cuddle the bear? It doesn’t seem worth sacrificing a relationship for this.

This ^

It really doesn’t matter. They are both babies. Don’t see why you can’t now accept the teddy bear.

There are other things to worry about.

@Mummyoflittledragon - yes, some children have way more energy than others - but regardless of whether a child is very energetic or not, it is not acceptable to allow a child to run around in a restaurant. It is rude to other diners who don’t want to eat their meal in a playground - a certain amount of noise or disruption is to be expected, but there have to be limits.

It is also not safe - this is an environment where there will be waiting staff carrying hot food and drinks - it is not acceptable to allow one’s child’s ‘vivacious’ or ‘energetic’ behaviour to put them selves, waiting staff or others in the restaurant at risk of being hurt.

SDTG
Perhaps I wasn’t clear in my post. It’s normal for a child to want/try to do it. Not normal to allow it of course.

Is sil the only girl in the family, and/or mother of the first grandchild, by any chance?

Babies and children wanting to try it, parents pandering and all that jazz is quite irrelevant imo.

Its not the biggest deal in the world but it's really not hard to set a gift aside and pass it on as requested.

Why anyone wouldn't do that is bizarre. Kids or no kids. Teddy or no teddy. Set it aside and pass on. Really really not difficult.

Still couldn't get annoyed about it though.

Irrelevant the wrong word. Struggling for right word. Darn. I know what I mean. I think.

That’s what I thought you meant, @Mummyoflittledragon.

Oh ok, I see, I thought you were meaning the opposite from your post. Thanks for clarifying that 👍

Well that’s the wierdest yellow thumbs up I’ve ever seen!

Ignore that.... it’s just changed to what I wanted. Strange.....

I think I wasn’t clear about what I was saying, and confused the issue, @Mummyoflittledragon - glad we haven’t fallen out!

Is sil the only girl in the family, and/or mother of the first grandchild, by any chance?
@runawaycat She's both DH's only sister and the mother of the first grandchild. Is that relevant?

I'm not surprised. She sounds very like someone I know who is also both these things, and who would (and has) do things like this to underline the fact that the other grandchildren are "lesser" and not as important. She's probably feeling jealous/threatened because you now have a baby too, and she's more or less making a point that her child has rights over your child. Could be barking up the wrong tree, but I've seen this scenario played out before.

Please don't send a thank you saying that you didn't get the present. That is very unfair on the givers. They did a lovely thing, and shouldn't be made to feel bad that the present wasn't passed on.