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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at SIL letting her DS open my DS's gift?

160 replies

Flutist · 29/04/2018 11:11

When we've been to dinner at SIL's house we met her husband's parents a few times. SIL drove down to visit them yesterday and they gave her a gift to pass on to our new DS who was born a couple of months ago.

Last night SIL was texting my DH and was saying that her son (age 1) was crying because he wasn't allowed to open the gift from his granny and grandad. She'd tried to explain it was for my DS, not for him, but (unsurprisingly) he didn't understand. The conversation continued: He likes unwrapping parcels! Don't think you are going to get this gift haha, he's determined to open it (video of him bashing the parcel on the floor) Oops he's ripped the paper... Aww it's a teddy bear! Photo of DN holding the teddy bear and crying because she was trying to take it away from him.

DH showed me the messages and I was so angry! Yes I know DN is only little and I know my DS is tiny and doesn't know if his gift has been opened, but AIBU to think SIL shouldn't have let DN play with the parcel at all, never mind open it! She should just have said firmly "No, that's for your cousin not for you" and removed it and put it away. Or not let him touch it in the first place!

She was obviously letting him play with the teddy and get it covered in snot and sticky fingers - she said don't worry I'll wipe the crumbs off it before I drop it off, haha. Well my DS doesn't want a dirty second hand toy so I told DH to text "let him keep it, DS has loads of toys". I'm now thinking that DN is going to grow up to be an obnoxious entitled little shit because he's never been told NO.

AIBU to send a thankyou card to SIL's husband's parents and add that unfortunately DS didn't receive the gift because DN opened it and wanted to keep it?

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 29/04/2018 11:52

I'd be annoyed too. Your SiL clearly neither respects you or her iLs. She should never have even let her son know that the present existed. Instead, she teased him with it, which was rather cruel.

I would let it go though. If the iLs ask about the present, tell them the truth. But don't write them a note.

KirstenRaymonde · 29/04/2018 11:57

Your SIL was ridiculous, she could easily have just put the parcel somewhere else so he couldn’t get it.

BarefootMe · 29/04/2018 11:59

Its obvious she did this on purpose. Does she have jealousy issues re. her brother or OP?

Tricky because if you don't have an opportunity to tell the PILs what happened, they will think you rude and ungrateful for not thanking them for the gift. Good luck.

DelphiniumBlue · 29/04/2018 11:59

She videoed her son opening your son's present and then sent it to you? That's all sorts of weird - she's marking her territory and brazenly crossing boundaries. She's clearly making a point, so be warned for the future - she's showing you the type of person she is, which is untrustworthy and aggressive.

Tweez · 29/04/2018 12:03

YANBU and I’d send the note too. Agree, he’s going to grow up thinking he can have anything he wants and by the sound of it, he will, from his parents anyway.

Nanny0gg · 29/04/2018 12:04

(I've removed things out of his way for both his safety and the safety of my expensive breakable items, and SIL has given them back to him because "he just want to touch"

I hope you took them back with a 'not in my house' comment.

Your DH needs to tell his sister she's out of order and tell his parents that you didn't get the gift.

Handsfull13 · 29/04/2018 12:06

I'd would phone your in laws.
'Thank you for the gift it looked lovely, unfortunately Sil let DN open it before it got to us and then we didn't have the heart to take it off him after he was playing with it so much. But we appreciate the thought'

Psychobabble123 · 29/04/2018 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KurriKurri · 29/04/2018 12:12

I wouldn't send anote to her parents, but I might say to her 'it's OK DN can keep that teddy, maybe he can help you choose a replacement for DS'

As a general principle I don't agree with people taking things that belong to other people with the excuse ' but I wanted it' and it is you SIl who has taken it, not your DN - he is only 1, he doesn't understand. She decided to let him have the present, so she replaces it.

Don't get worked up about her little boy - he's a baby - his parents make his choices for him. Most 1 yr olds would cry and think a parcel from GPs was for them, most parents would say 'no that's for auntie's new baby', and put it away in a cupboard.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 29/04/2018 12:14

Bloody hell Psycho That's one hell of a leap! OP is upset that her SIL deliberately deprived her kid of toy and you say OP is vile?!

Mmmm! I now I shouldn't but - are you the SIL? Grin

AppleFlapjack · 29/04/2018 12:16

I'm sure you will Hmm at yourself in a years time when its your baby "banging toys" he is a baby not a 5yo, I don't know many who sit nicely at a table at the same age...

Zaphodsotherhead · 29/04/2018 12:17

Your DN is 1? How did she know he was crying because he couldn't open the present? He was crying because he's 1 and they cry all the time!

Your SIL gave him the present to shut him up - he wouldn't have known if he was opening your DS's present or a packet of washing powder. She is to blame, your DN is not (he's a baby).

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/04/2018 12:17

I agree with the posters saying send the note. I like Handsfull13's suggested statement and that's what I'd put in the note.

I also agree that it's a possessive thing - HER parents are to indulge HER child - not yours. The fact that they're your husband's parents too has escaped her notice.

MyotherUsernameisaPun · 29/04/2018 12:18

Don't say in the note to her DH's parents that her son opened it. That's passive aggressive and shit stirring. It's not their fault their DIL didn't assert appropriate boundaries.

Write to them to say thank you and address the issue directly with your SIL if you want her to know you're upset.

Pollysuki · 29/04/2018 12:20

I always wonder with threads like this with such specific information, does it not concern the OP that the SIL will recognise herself if she's a MN?

ittakes2 · 29/04/2018 12:20

I think your sister'n'law is a bit of an idiot - but you can't send a note saying your nephew insisted on keeping the toy when you told your sister'n'law to keep it! It will make you a look like an idiot. Just send a note saying thank you for the gift, your sister'n'law mentioned you had given something and you will look forward to receiving it. Re your sister'n'law - I think you need to lower your expectations of her because if she thinks what she has done is OK then I suspect there is more to come! My approach is if you don't have an expectation someone will behaviour appropriately- you can't be disappointed!

AppleFlapjack · 29/04/2018 12:20

also agree that it's a possessive thing - HER parents are to indulge HER child - not yours. The fact that they're your husband's parents too has escaped her notice.

Urm no they aren't? They aren't related in any way to OPs husband, they are her brother in laws, in laws? They are obviously just sending a new baby gift to be kind its u likely they'd ever send another for any other occasion.

AppleFlapjack · 29/04/2018 12:22

Brother in laws parents even!

SaucyJack · 29/04/2018 12:23

She sounds a bit spiteful to me. Who the Hell lets their baby sit there eyeballing a present and crying, when they could've hidden it in a cupboard from the off without the kid ever knowing of its existence?

I wouldn't send the parents a PA note tho. Sounds like she can start enough trouble for herself in a empty room without you stirring the pot.

TeaBelle · 29/04/2018 12:24

You both sound unreasonable imo

Billben · 29/04/2018 12:26

YANBU. This would wind me up big time. How rude of her. I’m known for not suffering fools though, so I would have told her she was out of order.
Handsful13’s advice is good. Shit stirring or not, I’d definitely let your in laws know what happened.

kyrenialady · 29/04/2018 12:28

I don't think OP sounds vile at all.

That was a present for her baby. Children need to be told no.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 29/04/2018 12:28

That's horrible! Your SIL's weird.

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 29/04/2018 12:29

I'm now thinking that DN is going to grow up to be an obnoxious entitled little shit

Ahhh that's a bit mean. Why are you so angry with a 1 year old? Divert your anger to the parent's. Why is it sil only? Is the baby's dad around?

You sound irrationally pissed off with the baby (and at 1, he still is a baby), as though he is responsible and understands his actions.

DamsonOnThisDress · 29/04/2018 12:29

Your SIL sounds like a twit and shouldn't have done that but I'd find it hard to be angry about it.

I'd think she's an idiot and if she wants to spoil her kid that's her look out but I wouldn't give it much thought beyond that.

I'd probably thank the couple who sent it and not even mention that it was intercepted. SIL indulging her kid and thinking it hilarious wouldn't be any skin off our noses. That's her problem.