About DH's leisurely weekend morning routine?

[getoutofthebath]

Every morning, unless he has to be up particularly early for work, DH has a bath lasting an hour or more. When we had our DC this habit didn't change.

The problem is that now we have a DC this just isn't working for anyone except DH. For example, this morning we planned to take DC swimming. But then DH goes up at about 9.30 for his bath. He's still up there at 11am. Meanwhile I'm stuck downstairs with DC every weekend morning wondering when the hell we're actually going to get out of the house. I'm also the one that has to get DC dressed and field constant requests for snacks/park/bubbles etc. What always happens is that DH emerges eventually at around 11.30 ready to go, while DC and I are bored shitless from waiting around for him and ready to eat lunch. DH doesn't understand that DC needs lunch by midday, so once we've waited for him to have his bath half the day is pretty much gone. DC is also much more active and engaged in morning activities than afternoon ones, so would get a lot more out of a morning swim than an afternoon one.

How the fuck is this current situation sustainable? I can, and do, often just take DC out by myself but I'm heavily pregnant atm so it's not quite as easy as it used to be. And how is this going to work when DC2 arrives? Am I going to spend my Sat/Sun mornings stuck downstairs with two DCs for up to two hours waiting for him while he wallows in the tub?! I'm a SAHM so these weekends are like a busmans holiday for me.

I've tried to discuss this with him, calmly, rationally, so many times. But he's never made any attempt to stop and engage with us all in the mornings. AIBU to lose my shit with him? If DC asks me for a snack one more time today I might explode.

Explain to him calmly that his long baths are creating a massive problem for the family unit and ruining a good thing you have together - and tell him it is such a simple thing to resolve. Tell him he can make home life all lightness and sweet if he was to take his mega bath when the little one is kipping. If he complies and changes his routine make sure you let him know you are well pleased and he will be more eager to play ball in the future.

Have you posted before OP? I feel like I’ve definitely read about a husband who liked long baths and you having HG and a child with ASD? There were quite a few problems if I remember correctly. Drinking? Apologies if not, could well be another useless husband who doesn’t want to be a proper partner.

So your child has only started nursery recently? So you’ve been doing everything all week? He clearly doesn’t value you or appreciate the relentless ness of looking after small children. I’ve been a SAHP, my partner always said he would prefer being at work; lunch in peace, time to read on the commute, opportunities to go out to dinner. All lovely. Not that he took the piss like your partner is.

Does he shout at you or your child?

I can not believe he has not changed his routine and you have a child now (and another on the way). My other half and I have had to adapt our life SO MuCH to make life bear the faintest have a semblance to life as we knew it before.

I know exactly the feeling of 'hanging around' you mean. I hope he listens to you and considers an earlier bath or something else.

This cannot endure, OP.

Would your DH be willing to accompany you to some kind of therapy? Your communication (as a couple) needs to improve and he needs to take on board just what you are going through. He seems unwilling to put himself in your shoes and try to understand. This is worrying.

I wish you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy

Urgh boxsets your opinion is so ignorant. Her DH doesn't fund her to stay at home. She funds the household equally by looking after DC so they don't have to pay nursery fees. I'm a SAHM because we can't afford nursery fees. My full time working partner does an equal share of the housework and child pick up duties when he isn't working because my job is to look after the children, not be a maid. Your opinions are archaic.

OP you'd DH sounds like a twat. Leave him.

When I had HG it was all I could do to lift my head off the pillow. He’s being horrid.

Two things would concern me.

Is he on his phone the whole time in the bath?

How on earth do you keep it hot?

My exH pulled stuff like this. And resented me being at home with the kids (even though I worked part time from home too, tjat did seem to matter).

It doesn't get better.

Jaysus! well i thought DD3 at 1.5 hours in the shower was going some;!

I have got a sure fire way of getting her out, just turn off the hot water feed in the airing cupboard that runs the feed to the shower the language and yelling when the hot water goes is quite amusing;)

Dunno how you could do that for the bath tho?

Bloody water bill is a fortune they, water co, thought we had a leak here somewhere anyone fancy crowd funding it please;?

OP
If you are who I think you are, this man will never change. I have had HG and I know how debilitating it is. Once your baby is born you need to plan your exit.

you could pack all his shit up and leave it outside the front door, get the locks changed. Have you asked him to leave? Maybe some time apart would help, you are carrying more than your fair share of the load already so would him not being there really be a problem for you?

It's going to be very hard though to go it alone so close to the birth, he sounds very selfish.

Just - 1.5hrs?! What do people actually do in the shower for that long?! If I'm not washing my hair or shaving legs (do that in the bath) mine are about 4 minutes

IMO he is doing it deliberately as a form of control.

Id switch off the hot water

But that doesn’t really solve your problem because it’s not about the bath. He’d just find something else like staying in bed or going out with mates. Clearly your DH has no respect for you or desire to spend time with his own child.

It’s really up to you to decide if you think he can change or if you’d be better off without him

It's not an hour in the bath if he doesn't emerge until 11.30!!

The day starts here around 6.30 /7 latest so he's taking at least 4 hrs to himself.

I would just go out be myself and leave DC with your DH. He won’t be able to have a bath then.
When DC 2 arrives just take the baby out and leave DC1 with your DH.

Why the hell are you having another baby with this selfish selfish man?

Helpful, peachy...

He sounds like a complete knob.

Stick the kids in the bath with him while you put your feet up for an hour.

It's not a helpful question but I confess I do always wonder. We never know what parenthood will be like before we do it, but if someone's proved themselves to be a total tosser after the first baby, I never understand why people keep having more.

I know it's not their fault and they're the victims here, and it's very very common so I know there must be a strong psychological reason for it. But I don't understand what it is. I never have. If someone can explain, I really want to know.

I completely agree Yorick - always baffles me too.

A strong desire to create a biological sibling for their offspring.

@Boxsets this is the third shitty post of yours I've seen this evening and I'm sick of you. Skulk off under your bridge would you.

Basil - very well done on calling out Boxsets - I've noticed that too. "Is this the right room for an argument" sort of thing - just wants to make people feel shit.