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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL opened my birthday present

134 replies

cocktailsausages · 29/04/2018 00:32

It's my birthday and I had a small get together with family. An aunt gave a present to MIL to give me as she couldn't make it. MIL opened both the present and the card before she came. I know because she told me. And anyway you could tell they had been opened and resealed.

WTF?

I didn't say anything tonight because I didn't want to cause a scene. I now wish I'd said something. Is it too late?

OP posts:
AhoyDelBoy · 29/04/2018 00:34

Why did she do that? Did you ask her? Very very rude and strange! What did your DH say? I would say something.

Lacucuracha · 29/04/2018 00:34

No, not too late. Can you get DH to call/text and tell her please don't open our presents / mail again?

Does she have form?

angryburd · 29/04/2018 00:35

...did you not ask her why she opened them when she told you that she had done so?

trojanpony · 29/04/2018 00:36

WTF?
Honestly this is abnormal behaviour you should challenge it

Original poster
cocktailsausages · 29/04/2018 00:37

No I didn't say anything because I had a houseful. DH is as baffled as me.

OP posts:
KC225 · 29/04/2018 00:37

What a strange thing to do. Do you share a name/birthday?

I would call her out on it. Say, I didn't want to embarrass you on the night but why?

Original poster
cocktailsausages · 29/04/2018 00:39

I was too taken aback and because there were people milling around I just couldn't think of what to say. No form that I know of.

OP posts:
Original poster
cocktailsausages · 29/04/2018 00:40

KC225 yes, thanks, I will say that tomorrow or get DH to.

OP posts:
Puffycat · 29/04/2018 00:40

Cheeky bitch

AhoyDelBoy · 29/04/2018 00:41

Definately say something! And do it in person so you can gauge her reaction that way. Please update with what she says, I really can't imagine what her reason could possibly have been Confused

MacaroniPenguin · 29/04/2018 00:46

My 9 year old did this just the other week. It wasn't wrapped, but he tore open the packaging on a toy he knew perfectly well was a present for someone else.

He was then mortified and very upset by what he'd done. I think he just did it on autopilot, he simply wasn't thinking.

Is there any way this could be something similar? We all make mistakes.

AhoyDelBoy · 29/04/2018 00:49

@MacaroniPenguin
Maybe the card OR the present at an absolute stretch, but both?

Plumsofwrath · 29/04/2018 00:53

Is the aunt her sister? If so it’ll be because MIL thinks her sister’s relationship with you is her property, that without her you wouldn’t be receiving anything at all.

I have similar (worse actually) with my MIL. It’s a fucking nightmare.

Original poster
cocktailsausages · 29/04/2018 00:57

Yes, the aunt is MIL's sister. I see what you are saying.

What has your MIL done plumsofwrath?

OP posts:
youthrewmysandwichAWAY · 29/04/2018 01:01

Cheeky bitch but I'd just leave it. Honestly, I couldn't be arsed with an argument or whatever over that.

BlankTimes · 29/04/2018 01:12

Wooden spoon award of the week action - Write/text/post on social media and thank the Aunt and say you love it but wonder why she'd told Mil to open it before giving it to you. Grin

Otherwise, make sure you ask MIL face to face in front of your DH why she opened your present and card.

MarvelleGazelle · 29/04/2018 01:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Freyanna · 29/04/2018 01:20

How strange!

I would have been like you, totally taken aback.

Maybe she thought she could open and re-seal them without you noticing, but this wasn't possible.

Nosy bat!

MacaroniPenguin · 29/04/2018 01:28

Hm fair point. And it would have been easy enough for her to rewrap in different paper and not tell you, so why make it obvious twice over?

Freyanna · 29/04/2018 01:34

Macaroni I never thought of doing that!

Stripybeachbag · 29/04/2018 01:37

Does you mil have form for this type of stuff? I'd watch her closely for her behaviour in general. I'd be looking for signs of dementia if it isn't part of her normal personality. To open the card and present and then tell you shows some form of social filter isn't working properly.

NoKnownFather · 29/04/2018 01:39

OP I agree it is extremely rude and controlling behaviour but just wanted to say don't hold your breath for an acceptable explanation. Do ask her though, just be prepared to be fobbed off.

When I was between houses a couple of years ago DS suggested I use their address so mail didn't go astray. Great idea! Until I discovered his wife was not only opening 'all' of my mail, she would phone him at work and discuss 'if' mail needed to be passed on and she would also phone her DM and discuss what was in my mail too. Some very personal details were discussed without my knowledge and changed the whole relationship and shows how some people want to control everything about another person's life.

Of course I asked 'why?' but never received an acceptable explanation, nor an apology. Sorry it's happening to you too....opening gifts was just the start of my problems.

sockunicorn · 29/04/2018 01:46

When you say “she told me”, how did she tell you? I find it baffling. Like in a “it’s so funny” way or an embarrassed way or what? I don’t see how you slip that into conversarion. Flowers

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 29/04/2018 01:51

In my family: I had one member of my family 'passing off MY gifts' as theirs.... They were seeing the person 'on the birthday/Christmas /whatever.
Literally pulling my label off and saying 'here's your present from me' and then accepting the thanks.....this happened more than once... I couldn't quite believe it first time it happened. Incredible!

Plumsofwrath · 29/04/2018 03:57

cocktailsausages I no longer let myself think about the instances my MIL has crossed boundaries with me. To do so makes me so angry that I end up ranting to my DH, who obviously can’t control his mother’s behaviour, so we end up arguing futilely. It’s totally destructive and completely futile. One instance I can mention with no repercussions - because it’s so batshit that I’m shocked more than angry, even after all these years - is that during my first labour she was in my hospital room for the entire duration, even when my (then utterly clueless) DH wasn’t. It was a long and drawn out labour, I was heavily sedated (we live in a foreign country) it hadn’t occurred to me to think about privacy issues, I’d been totally laidback about pregnancy and birth etc etc. It’s complicated. But basically the only time she wasn’t there was when I went into theatre and she wasn’t allowed in.

I manage the situation. Mostly by spending no longer than 48 hours at a time in her company and never leaving her in my home when I’m not there. It doesn’t help that I’m super-private and she isn’t; that she’s a giver and a taker of things and I’m neither; that she’s selflessly devoted to her children and grandchildren above absolutely everything else and I have what I consider to be a healthy perspective on my relationship with her son and my children. If she weren’t related to me I’d find her very thoughtful, kind, generous, giving, selfless. As it is, I find her overbearing, commandeering, lacking in boundaries and disrespectful of much of what I am (she is many positive things in my life too). 🤷🏻‍♀️ Ultimately she’s my husband’s mum and my children’s grandmother. One day, I’ll probably be a dickhead MIL in one way or another, too.