MIL opened my birthday present

[cocktailsausages]

It's my birthday and I had a small get together with family. An aunt gave a present to MIL to give me as she couldn't make it. MIL opened both the present and the card before she came. I know because she told me. And anyway you could tell they had been opened and resealed.

WTF?

I didn't say anything tonight because I didn't want to cause a scene. I now wish I'd said something. Is it too late?

I would be livid. I probably wouldn't have said something at the time, but I would definitely text and be all like "WTF, bro?"

If you say she was a drinker then it explains it alot. People who drink alot often eventually lose control of their behaviour when they are sober as it damages the brain and the mind.

Next birthday send mil an empty box and announce someone must have opened it!

@boywiththebrokensmile
Yes, they are massively fucked up people and heavy drinkers. Long long story. Briefly, sil dislikes my mother immensely, takes it out on me. More recently taking it out on my dd. Brother abusive to me all my life, neither believe I am chronically ill and disabled, threatened violence toward me due to disability and pushed me over. As the scapegoat, I always took everything thrown at me for a long time believing I was somehow at fault just for being me (that sounds crazy now btw). We are now nc where they even failed to behave decently toward my dd and me at a family funeral.

M says MIL is drinking a lot so perhaps she was drunk?

That might actually be the key info. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and boundaries.

I don't think MIL was drunk when she arrived at my place, though she may have had a drink before she came. But she may have been drunk when she did it as she had had the parcel for a couple of days.

I really can imagine her sitting there getting loaded and looking at the parcel and thinking "What the hell".

It shows me what she thinks of me.

yep and the thing with long term alchos is that they eventually lose the ability to become sober technically in that they become forgetful etc even when the alcohol has worn off and makes their behaviour appear bizarre hence her reaction at the party would be to say it like it was no big deal.

is she a drinker though? does she often sit at home and get loaded by herself? I know several women in their 50s plus who do this and it leads to odd behaviour if they do it enough.

boywiththebrokensmile2 Right. I was thinking more that she sort of blustered it out because she had no choice.

MIL and FIL have always drunk more than recommended. DH says he remembers his mother drinking every night when he was school age but I've never seen her falling down drunk or anything. (Have seen FIL passed out though.)

If we are out somewhere and they pass a pub or a restaurant where people can be seen having a drink, they always stare and comment something like "Oooh look they are having a beer, look at her she's got a wine..." and I always think they wish it was them!

Cocktails: sounds batshit/alcoholic/early dementia/massive control issues.

Just downright WEIRD.

Yea then i think that is the answer, if he says she drank every night of the week when he was a kid and somebody else in the family suspected she was drunk then she's still on it some nights and the older you get the harder it hits you. That would explain why she would open it, when you are drunk inhibitions are lowered as people say and long term effects of boozing is that it causes lapses in judgement even when sober hence her reaction. Or else she had forgotten she had done it when drunk and was put on the spot when she gave it to you.

Also you do not have to be falling in gutters or collapsing to have a problem with it. My mates mum was an alcho for years[full time worker too] and I never actually released times that she was sitting loaded on the sofa watching tv until my mate pointed it out to me one time. Some people are very subtle at it and don't be creating scenes etc. She'd be drinking it from mugs as well so I assumed it was tea. If you are not looking for it you can miss it surprisingly.

Yes, makes sense.

From your follow up posts OP it seems clear that she was just being straight up nosy and also probably wanted to see what/how much her sister had spent on you. I wouldn't necessarily take it as a sign on mental decline, just a rather immature and nosy person. I also think she admitted it when she handed it over to you because it clearly looked opened and resealed and it would be obvious that she had looked at it, so by confessing laughingly she was probably trying to minimise it as a bit if silly behaviour. I think her "confession" shows that she KNOWS she shouldn't have done it.

Not sure what the solution is, mayber your DH could get angry enough with her so she knows not to do it again and make sure the aunt knows not to trust her with presents.

If she is a drinker as I suspect, I'd just personally leave it. You cannot change these people easily and you are creating alot of stress for yourself and possible tension in bringing the issue up but just be cautious around her in future and know that she has that side in her.

Thanks all. I wasn't planning on saying anything else but will keep my distance. I don't handle this sort of stuff very well.

you have my sympathy, i too find confrontation very hard.

Grief. Really beginning to appreciate my MIL for the quietly loving and non intrusive woman she is (in another country). These are barmy stories!!!

Is there any chance that she did it absent mindedly? Sort of went on to autopilot and just opened them?

I'm not surprised you were shocked! speechless even! That's wrong on all levels.

Sounds like pure and utter nosiness. Very rude.

I'd say thanks to your Aunt...and drop in that MIL opened it.

My FIL does this, as some post goes to his home for DH, every single time he opens it and says the same shitty excuse when he drops it down, oh sorry I thought it was for me, when its clearly a different name on it, they are usually bank statements so the nosey fucker probably just wants to see what he has in the bank. Irritates the shit out of me, I feel like saying oh you said the same thing the last 30 times.

Very weird. If she'd had it a day or two and opened it why didn't she just re-wrap it in new paper...as the giver wasn't there to notice, no one would have been any the wiser!

Yes i would leave it but i would call the aunt and say thank yous and ask if she asked MIL to open presents🤣🤣🤣 and let see the stir hahaha

i would hate this and totally see it as overstepping boundaries.

i always send gifts early (hate being late) and my opinion is that when ive given the gift its theirs. if they want to open it a week before their birthday - go ahead. its no longer my issue.

My (normally lovely) MIL goes mad if anyone opens my gifts early though and checks the night before that you have all her families gifts intact!! its most odd. i cant imagine giving a shit what people did with other peoples gifts!

If she wants to know all about your private life. Invite her round, take her in the bathroom with you and have a sh one t. Then slap her around the face with a used tampon. Tell her now you know I'm a little upset you opened my present - of course it may affect the relationship between you and DH