Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL opened my birthday present

134 replies

cocktailsausages · 29/04/2018 00:32

It's my birthday and I had a small get together with family. An aunt gave a present to MIL to give me as she couldn't make it. MIL opened both the present and the card before she came. I know because she told me. And anyway you could tell they had been opened and resealed.

WTF?

I didn't say anything tonight because I didn't want to cause a scene. I now wish I'd said something. Is it too late?

OP posts:
Shiftymake · 29/04/2018 08:45

What makes me wonder is she wanted you to know that she had done this. She could have easily repacked the present and a new envelop for the card if she didn't want you to know, so in that she is showing honesty and you would have been none the wiser. So the question would be, hi Dmil, I am trying to understand why? Is there any reason for doing this?

Piffle11 · 29/04/2018 09:13

I think you should still say something. My MIL has done many weird things over the years, and due to my doormat personality and reluctance to 'cause a scene', I never called her out on any of it ... now I am actually standing up for myself and wish I had said something at the time. Nip it in the bud as if she gets away with it, this sort of thing will continue.

BalloonSlayer · 29/04/2018 09:15

Could she have thought her sister was going to show her up by buying you a much more expensive present (& more affectionate message in the card) than she had done herself?

She'd assumed she could re-seal them both but realised it was obvious what she'd done so thought she had better confess?

People can be surprisingly paranoid . . . I could see that she might have thought "What sis up to with the present? Is she trying to muscle her way into DIL's affections?"

SaltireSaltire · 29/04/2018 09:16

Wonder if she has intercepted other gifts - maybe some have never reached you!

MadMags · 29/04/2018 09:19

How bizarre!!

Do you have a good relationship with her usually?

Sorry, Plum I agree with others, I don’t think her being there with you was that awful...

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/04/2018 09:30

I don’t understand why she didn’t tell you WHY she had opened it when she told she had. I can’t imagine anyone just saying “oh my the way I opened your present”, but I can imagine someone saying “oh by the way, I opened your present as I thought we might have bought you the same present/she said she’d got you some smelliest and I was worried she’d bought you some non-animal friendly beauty products as I know you only use those etc etc”

Did she really just say “I’ve already opened these”??? No “sorry, couldn’t resist”??

NeedAGoodBook · 29/04/2018 09:31

I'd make light of it. ''Tease'' her.

Say "mil, I'm scarlet for you, I could see the cellotape had been picked off and re-sealed, you REALLY needed to know what aunt gave me did you!?'' and then just change subject.

zzzzz · 29/04/2018 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 29/04/2018 09:34

Tease her endlessly

ittakes2 · 29/04/2018 09:41

My m'n'law is similar to this - she has boundaries issues. The very first time I met her, she said to me..."Ittakes2 I know you like hats, hats don't suit me - I know because I went into your bedroom and tried on every single one of your hats Ittakes2 while you were at work and none of them suited me." I had my hat collection in the bedroom I shared with her son - he had given her a key to his house long before he had met me - she was actually basically telling me she had gone into our bedroom while we were at work and looked through my things!
This was 20 years ago and she does not have dementia. She is not an unkind person - she just doesn't get boundaries. She does exactly what your m'n'law did and tells me what she has done - not in a gloating way - almost like its a non issue.
If your m'n'law thinks its OK to open your present...then unfortunately I think you are in for more of the same. My advice to you is to prepare yourself with some appropriate comments you can say on the spot the next time she has told you she has overstepped a boundary.
My m'n'law has done all sorts of things and we are now low contact (and she is not allowed a key!) - if I had my time again I would be clearer when she broke the boundaries that it was not acceptable - rather than trying to keep the peace because it all builds up in the long run and now it has affected the way I feel about her. Good luck.

BrigitsBigKnickers · 29/04/2018 09:47

Did the aunt send the gift to MiL or hand it to her?
If posted there is a chance that she opened them without looking at the address label by mistake and then when realising her mistake, hurriedly wrapped them back up?
clutching at straws to explain weird behaviour!
If not then totally inappropriateHmm

iffyjiffybag · 29/04/2018 09:51

Could it be that MIL made the confession because someone else knew she had done it, and she therefore wanted to deflect criticism from you by acting like she was assuming it was just a matter of fact and she would naturally be forgiven?

I mean this kindly, OP - get off the doormat with this person and take what happened as a warning.

Casz · 29/04/2018 09:57

Could MIL have been checking up on her sister, to make sure the gift was "good enough"? Maybe she was thinking if it was tat it would be embarrassing to give to you so wanted to check first.

Jaxinthebox · 29/04/2018 10:01

I want to know what the gift was. I think MIL was being nosey! And yes, you have to nip this behaviour in the bud.

Tinkobell · 29/04/2018 10:07

How bizarre. It's the behaviour of a 5 year old!

Lizzie48 · 29/04/2018 10:12

That's really odd behaviour. I would mention it to your aunt, so in future she can send things to you in the post rather than via her sister. I'd be really cross if my DSis did something like that, and vice versa. But we just wouldn't.

Does your MIL have form for this? If it's a change in her behaviour then I would wonder about dementia. Otherwise, she's just nosey.

boywiththebrokensmile · 29/04/2018 10:48

Mummyoflittledragon

''A few years ago, sil was fanny arsing about what to give nephew for his present. It had to be of her choosing. But despite 3 attempts I got nowhere. In the end, we agreed she would get the present and give it to me to give to her ds we saw them. They were visiting a few days later. The day before, I sent her a text to remind her to bring the gift. To which she replied she’d already given it. I queried it and she went ballistic, ie “I thought we’d agreed x”. Cue nasty messages from her, my brother, my brother to my dh. The next day brother started calling and we ignored the lot and they didn’t visit. We are now nc with them. Not for this btw.''

I am sorry but this story sounds completely bizarre and ott, your sil and your brother sound completely nuts and mentally deranged if this was their reaction to a dispute over something so trivial over a child's birthday present. Texting and ringing angry message??? Is there more to this story as it all sounds ludicrous behavior from adults and sounds like a dispute kids would have. And i don't mean to sound sexiest but i could maybe justify sil's reaction if she was on period/pregnant or something and her hormones were out of whack but for your brother to join in in such a petty dispute between 2 women as most men I know would roll their eyes and laugh at such an incident as men by their nature care much less about such matters. Is there more to this story like was there underlying tension??

Original poster
cocktailsausages · 29/04/2018 11:06

Thank you all.

MIL handed over the bag of presents and announced "I opened that!" when I took out the one from M. She said it with a giggle, no shame. It was obvious it had been opened so perhaps she felt she had to say something?

I was confused (house full, everyone talking) and was wracking my brains to try and remember whether there was a reason for her to have done that. (The ILs are very difficult people to talk to, they miss out bits of information as if you know stuff by telepathy, so I am often confused!)

When I told DH later he thought I meant MIL had opened the present instead of me when I was given it, sort of as if she were helping (WTF?). He doesn't seem to think it is as batshit as I do. Anyway he rang her this morning and asked why she had opened it and she just laughed and said she wanted "a peep" to know what what it was.

So I rang M (auntie) to thank her and grass on MIL and because I am hungover told her because I am mad about it. M is normal. She is confused as me. I don't think there is any love lost between them. M says MIL is drinking a lot so perhaps she was drunk?

OP posts:
Original poster
cocktailsausages · 29/04/2018 11:23

Plumsofwrath I can't believe she just stayed there in the delivery room Shock. No boundaries whatsoever. You are kinder than me. I'm the sort that walks away and doesn't look back if annoyed.

OP posts:
Original poster
cocktailsausages · 29/04/2018 11:28

daisychain01 I think you are onto something there. I think she opened it because she couldn't help herself and then realised what she had done so blurted it out when she saw me.

Who does that though? Or rather WHY does someone do that. They just wait and see what the present is like everyone else.

Years ago I remember MIL being annoyed that one of SILs' children opened every door of their advent calendar (SIL had put them in their bedrooms!) and eaten all the chocolate. She's just like that!

OP posts:
llangennith · 29/04/2018 11:30

Odd thing to do. Make sure you mention it to your Aunt when you thank her for your present.

Original poster
cocktailsausages · 29/04/2018 11:35

llangennith I did! She thinks it's odd also!

OP posts:
Original poster
cocktailsausages · 29/04/2018 11:37

Jaxinthebox A book bag! So the parcel was a floppy thing about the size of a large pizza.

OP posts:
FrozenMargarita17 · 29/04/2018 11:37

Every time you get a present in front of her now you should tease her and say 'MIL, did you open this one before me this time?' Grin

boywiththebrokensmile · 29/04/2018 12:18

''Years ago I remember MIL being annoyed that one of SILs' children opened every door of their advent calendar (SIL had put them in their bedrooms!) and eaten all the chocolate. She's just like that!''

i used to always do this...when i was 10.