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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That many people believe they are pro choice but are not

555 replies

winterstail · 28/04/2018 15:32

My understanding of pro choice is that you support a woman's right to terminate a pregnancy.

Many people claim to be pro choice but then express shock at the reason a woman chooses to terminate.

This isn't pro choice then, is it?

OP posts:
formerbabe · 28/04/2018 16:28

nancy75

I agree...I couldn't care less if someone uses abortion as a form of contraception.

RebelRogue · 28/04/2018 16:28

I know a woman who planned her baby. Sadly she also had a medical condition that due to the pregnancy and interrupting certain meds affected her in an awful way. She became partially sighted and doctors couldn't sa either way if her vision would return fully after birth and restarting meds. So she had a choice,keep the baby and hope she doesn't become severely disabled or worse(while already struggling with the child she had) or abort the baby. The forced birthers throwing vitriol and pointless "ohh your child would love a sibling " , "you'll be fine,no one regrets having a baby" made me so fucking angry. There never is an interest or welfare concern for either woman or children past the giving birth point.

notWithoutFault · 28/04/2018 16:28

@Longwavyhair

"Pro choice is respecting every woman's choice no matter what the circumstances and not judging her at all."

So 35 weeks because you wanted a girl and it's a boy?

TotHappy · 28/04/2018 16:29

@LongWavyHair that makes no sense! There are lots of people who wouldn't be in either of those camps!

SoyDora · 28/04/2018 16:30

including one with her husband with whom she went on to have 2 children only a couple of years later

Things can change a lot in a couple of years. There could be many reasons why she didn’t feel able to have a child at that time, but did feel ready to a couole of years later.

TheFallenMadonna · 28/04/2018 16:30

Clearly there is a grey area LongWavyHair , and the majority of posters on here occupy it. Why pretend a binary?

Smeddum · 28/04/2018 16:31

I am pro-choice, but would struggle with the morality of it after a certain point. I don't think it should be delayed by the necessity of getting approval from various doctors, the sooner it's done the better

I agree with this. I’m pro choice and would never tell any woman/girl that she didn’t have the right to seek a safe, easy to access termination.

I strongly disagree with emotive language being used and the harassment of women outside clinics.

If someone used terminations as a lazy method of contraception, I would privately disagree, but wouldn’t say so to her. Because that’s between her and her conscience, not for me to judge.

JacquesHammer · 28/04/2018 16:31

I would be able to be pro choice if people didn't use termination as a lazy form of birth control, because that makes my piss boil

Why does it?

ragged · 28/04/2018 16:31

I don't care if I'm pro-choice or not. Or pro-life or not. Thank heavens for other worthwhile identities.

exLtEveDallas · 28/04/2018 16:32

I am pro choice.

As early as possible
As late as necessary
For any or no reason

TheNavigator · 28/04/2018 16:33

*You're either pro choice or you're pro life.
Pro choice is respecting every woman's choice no matter what the circumstances and not judging her at all.
Pro life is disagreeing with abortion in all circumstances including rape, incest, and medical reasons.

There is no grey area.*

Nonsense - I am pro choice because I support every woman's right to access legal abortion. That doesn't necessarily mean I won't judge. I judge loads of things that I think should still be legal, abortion doesn't get some special free pass from judgeyness.

YayImALlamaAgain · 28/04/2018 16:33

*I'm pro choice but certainly have caveats.

There needs to be a limit as to the age of the baby / fetus and I wonder if we've got it wrong in the UK at the moment.*

You can decide, as part of your own choice what caveats should exist for you.

You can’t however be pro-choice and insist on your own caveats for other women as you are then limiting their choices.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 28/04/2018 16:34

You can disagree with someone's choice/actions morally while still supporting their legal right to make that choice.
Personally I believe in unrestricted abortion up to 24 weeks, and based on extenuating circumstances up to term.

I also disagree morally with the idea of using abortion as contraception (though I can't imagine this is anywhere near as common as some make out), and feel for any potential father who loses a wanted child (though I 100% believe a termination should be solely the mother's choice and she should be supported in that decision).

I would describe myself as pro choice, but if the above makes me not pro choice then so be it.

I don't honestly know how I feel about the legalities of termination past the point of viability - I'd like for a woman to be able to end a pregnancy at any point with no restrictions, and I'm aware that almost all late term abortions are done for medical reasons ir mental health reasons or extenuating circumstances, and that no woman is likely to take it lightly. But there would come a certain stage in the pregnancy where if the foetus would be viable if birthed at that point, then I do feel that the ethics around termination do change. To very poorly paraphrase a pp on a different thread - for very late term pregnancies the method of ending the pregnancy (getting the baby out) is the same, if the foetus is viable there's no need to commit infanticide in the process.

As said above, though, I'm aware that this would only apply to the tiniest percentage of pregnancies (if any), and also that it's not that simple WRT medical support for both parties, etc.

I don't know what the "right" answer is.

idobelieveinfairies86 · 28/04/2018 16:34

Pro choice isn't all or nothing though?
It isn't you are either pro life or ur pro abortion.
Pro choice is a balance of both. I am both. I am pro life BUT at the same time I am very aware that there are situations where a pregnancy cant be continued, failed contraception, rape etc
I am pro abortion for when the pregnancy can't continue (for reasons above) BUT at the same time I cannot tolerate woman who either push abortion as the 2nd coming or who use abortion as contraception because they are too lazy to make sure he wore a condom, take their pill everyday or walk to the chemist and get the map.

Oh and pro choice means excepting a woman's right NOT to have an abortion no matter what the circumstances wether you agree or not!

atthecopacopacabana · 28/04/2018 16:35

I am pro choice. I also believe that some early born babies have too much medical intervention to keep them alive without consideration for the future quality of their lives.

SemperIdem · 28/04/2018 16:36

notWithoutFault

There’s not much point in asking “if it was a girl and she wanted a boy at 35 weeks”...that is against the law so wouldn’t even happen in this country.

However that late on I would imagine the possibility pre-natal depression/anxiety would be investigated first and foremost and at what severity i.e a medical reason, before any steps towards termination were made. If we lived in a country where there was no legal limit on “social” abortions, that is.

formerbabe · 28/04/2018 16:36

Oh and pro choice means excepting a woman's right NOT to have an abortion no matter what the circumstances wether you agree or not!

I don't think anyone is advocating forced abortions Confused

zzzzz · 28/04/2018 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 28/04/2018 16:39

I am definitely pro choice, however, I had an abortion age 14, I’m almost 27 now, have an almost 7yr old and due DC2 next week, and I’m still quite haunted by what I did. I wasn’t offered any counselling that I can recall, maybe I wouldn’t feel like this if I had. I’m not sure if it’s guilt or sadness, but I don’t feel like it was ever my choice to abort. My mum emotionally manipulated me into doing it, she told me she was ‘Done with all that’ and that she wouldn’t support me if I kept it, so I felt as if I didn’t have a choice.

It was a pretty horrific experience to go through, especially for a 14yr old. I had a medical abortion so I was aware of everything. The nurses put cardboard bowls in the toilet for me to go in, so they could check everything I passed, they told me I wasn’t to look down after I’d been but of course I did. I’ll never forget that. My friend had a surgical abortion last year and it sounded much less traumatic, I wish I’d been offered that option.

Because of my experience I would only do it again if I felt I had no other option (rape, medical issues etc) and would make sure I had access to counselling.

I do fully support a womans right to abortion but I strongly feel there should be more aftercare support in place.

formerbabe · 28/04/2018 16:39

I couldn't care less either if someone wants to terminate because of the sex of the fetus. My only concern would be the wider impact on society if numbers of boys/girls born was heavily skewed in one direction.

AngeloMysterioso · 28/04/2018 16:40

RomeoBunny

I'm not pro 'choice'. I'm pro 'required for medical reasons' or 'this kid will grow up neglected/abused/poverty - choice' or 'result of rape'.

What I am not, is pro abortion for 'accidents' (which is basically a cop out for poor birth control and choices) or lifestyle reasons like 'not being ready yet'. Which is all basically after the fact birth control/family planning.

I am Pro - 'Don't be a dickhead and have sex if you don't want to handle the possible consequences'.

Nice bit of judgement there. I guess that makes me a dickhead then.

I had an abortion last year, with the full support of my then fiancé, now DH. We were using condoms but apparently one of those little fuckers just slipped through. It was not a difficult decision and I don’t regret it one bit- we were not emotionally or practically prepared to become parents.

And yet we do still want to have sex! Shocker!

When we do become parents, our babies will be much wanted, loved and cherished children, not just consequences.

ThisIsNotARealAvo · 28/04/2018 16:41

Who are these women who use abortion as contraception? To me this sounds like a way to further vilify women.

I am totally pro choice. What other women do with their bodies is nothing to do with me. I've never been in that position and am unlikely to be as I have never managed to conceive, but as far as I am concerned it is a decision which concerns only the woman making it.

merrymouse · 28/04/2018 16:41

Realistically who has the choice of an abortion on a whim at 35 weeks anywhere? Where is this supposed to be taking place?

CandiedPeach · 28/04/2018 16:42

I’d say I’m pro choice and I think that means believe it’s the women’s choice to make under advice and guidance from trained medical staff. I don’t think the reasons are anyone else’s business.

I do struggle around, repeated abortions and gender specific abortions. But from the side of wondering if it’s really what the woman wants or if she’s been somehow coerced into it. Of course some of that comes from my own feelings and choices and I’m sure for some women it’s completely their choice and I respect their right to it.

Korg · 28/04/2018 16:42

I think it’s pissible to be pro choice and not ideologically aligned 100% with the OP.

The OP comes across as arrogant to imply that they alone can define “pro-choice”, and anyone that doesn’t come into line isn’t properly pro-choice. There’s a spectrum of views. Why shouldn’t there be?