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Original poster

That many people believe they are pro choice but are not

555 replies

winterstail · 28/04/2018 15:32

My understanding of pro choice is that you support a woman's right to terminate a pregnancy.

Many people claim to be pro choice but then express shock at the reason a woman chooses to terminate.

This isn't pro choice then, is it?

OP posts:
tjr1971 · 29/04/2018 18:33

I have held the hand of a sister while she had a termination because SHE felt it was the right choice. I have also held the hand of my cousin who had to have weekly scans until her baby girls heart stopped beating, for 8 weeks she had to do this because SHE HAD NO CHOICE, she couldn't afford to go to Liverpool. She knew her baby was not going to survive due to illness.
Im irish living in Ireland and had my first baby at 17. I still have my baby who is now nearly 30 THAT WAS MY CHOICE. But I will never deprive ANY WOMAN of their choice. I am pro choice because my choice may not be your choice, and as woman, we must all be aware that we should have the right for choice. How can anyone decide what is right or wrong for another person. They have to decide that. Not anyone else.

zzzzz · 29/04/2018 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mishfish · 29/04/2018 18:55

I just don't buy that. Whoever the mother was, she didn't have access to abortion at all, early or late. That baby was absolutely hated. Who kills a baby, rather than leaving it somewhere to be found?

I don’t understand your post. What do you mean she didn’t have access at all?

Thefirsttulip · 29/04/2018 19:02

I wonder if a person murdered one your children/close family members and they only got a small number of years behind bars, whether given the chance to slip that murderer a pill that would end their life, you would?

MrsLemonadeBrain · 29/04/2018 19:15

To everyone slating late stage abortions, you do know there are less than half a dozen places in the U.K. you can get on, they are terrifying, painful, and no one actually “wants” one. It’s just that having their child is not possible or right for them.

Branleuse · 29/04/2018 19:16

Im pro choice, in that i think a woman should be able to terminate any pregnancy if she doesnt want to go through with it at pretty much any stage, although i think if the pregnancy is viable, she should have the option to be induced prematurely if she would prefer the baby to be adopted and shouldnt be forced to carry it.

Im not sure how this would work with the NHS though, as it seems theyre making abortions harder to get now

IHaveBrilloHair · 29/04/2018 19:28

MrsLemonade
I had mine in a BPAS clinic in London, I live near Glasgow.
That's where I was sent, it's a private clinic but takes NHS referrals, they don't pay for the travel or overnight stay beforehand or food though, of course, nor should they, but it was hard for me to find that money, which is why I left the clinic at 11am, and arrived home at 9am the following day.
I spents the time walking/on the tube/in the coach station/on the coach/walking/on the train/on a bus.
Oh, I was punished good and proper.

IHaveBrilloHair · 29/04/2018 19:30

I was sterilised a year later.

IHaveBrilloHair · 29/04/2018 19:33

In case it wasn't clear, I'd had the procedure at 9am so was in pain and bleeding very heavily.

Thefirsttulip · 29/04/2018 19:35

That's another issue too - contraception. It's one thing for people to say "I just doubled up on mine." That's not an option for me because I cannot take hormonal contraceptives and so have to have a copper coil. The copper coil isn't for everyone, particularly if you suffer from heavy, painful periods. People also do get pregnant on the coil too. Condoms are what they are and I have known them to split (hence an emergency dash to Boots for the morning after pill!) So some woman are stuffed!

They said I was too young to be sterilised too Sad

Juells · 29/04/2018 19:39

@mishfish

I don’t understand your post. What do you mean she didn’t have access at all?

We'll never know the circumstances, but it seems likely that it's someone very young who didn't know how to go about getting an abortion, the police say they think there was abuse or incest involved. I wonder if, no matter how late abortion was permitted, that woman/girl/child would have been able to access it? There are circumstances where someone has no freedom to go to a doctor, even.

Juells · 29/04/2018 19:41

People also do get pregnant on the coil too.

When a friend had just given birth the doctor picked the coil off the baby's head and said "Well now you know the coil doesn't work for you..."

ChattyLion · 29/04/2018 19:42

As early as possible as late as necessary. Access to safe legal abortion should be a basic human right. Yes, people have all sorts of strong feelings about what other people should do with their bodies, and that’s fine and fair enough, but at the end of the day, it’s about the woman or girl that needs the abortion and thank goodness in England Wales and Scotland the law permits two doctors to support her choice. (Not saying this system is at all perfect and I would like to see it modernised so that women can have an abortion because they say so, but what we have in Britain is way better than nothing.
(before 1968 when it was hardly available lots of women died having unskilled abortions or had children that they didn’t want and couldn’t look after or got into debt to pay for an abortion.)

That Northern Irish women have to travel outside NI for safe, legal and taxpayer funded NHS abortion care in this day and age is a political disgrace.

IHaveBrilloHair · 29/04/2018 20:00

I had a mirena coil.

MiserableFucker · 29/04/2018 20:10

I have had a termination (through choice not medical need) My eldest daughter is severely disabled due to prematurity (born not too long after the cut off date for terminations ironically enough) so I felt I couldn't cope with another child. I did want the baby and felt I had no choice but I made that call and went through with it.

Do I regret it? Yes I do. Everyday. Do I judge women who have terminations and don't feel any regret? No but I don't understand them. At all. It's something that will haunt me forever.

For the vast majority of women whether they regret it or not, whatever the reasons for it I don't think termination is a easy thing to do. Pro lifers do nothing but make a horrid situation a million times worse.

What I do think though is that the process should be different. I was 7 weeks pregnant when I found out and the whole process was incredibly quick from appointment with GP to being given the tablets. Staggeringly quick. I rushed into it as I wanted to be as early into pregnancy as I possibly could be but had I had more time to think I probably wouldn't have gone through with it.

I don't know what the answer is and if anyone is ever truly pro choice. It's really shitty though and if my daughter ever found herself in that situation I would support them regardless.

IHaveBrilloHair · 29/04/2018 20:23

The process for me was slow, very slow, 4 weeks from beginning to end.
I had made up my mind, I was sure, but I had to wait, and it was torture, I'd lie in bed at night wondering if the banister would take my weight, or if any medication was painless.
It wasn't fun, or easy, or without consequences, but it was right for me.

I would also support my DD if she was pregnant, I'd support her to make the right choice for her.

MrsDylanBlue · 29/04/2018 20:32

I hate these threads and shouldn’t read them.

24 years on I still remember the baby I terminated and wonder what if. It stays with you for the rest of your life.

I couldn’t care less what anyone else’s opinion is they weren’t me back then and they wouldn’t have had to raise my baby.

bananafish81 · 29/04/2018 20:35

A friend had to have a TFMR at 16 weeks because of fatal chromosomal abnormalities. The NHS refused to do a surgical termination, they insisted she had to deliver the baby - and if she wanted the operation she would have to go to an abortion clinic. Which she did. Because of doing this she didn't get any of the counselling she was entitled to, no information about SANDS, nothing. The NHS made her wait that long because of the wait for CVS, then told her it was too late to have a surgical termination. The support she received was woeful.

Juells · 29/04/2018 20:37

@IHaveBrilloHair

I had a mirena coil.

Do you mean you got pregnant while you had it? My daughter has one at the moment and is having awful problems with it. I think she should get it taken out :(

IHaveBrilloHair · 29/04/2018 20:41

Yes, with one in.
They are generally very reliable but nothing is 100% safe.

Windthebobbinup1982 · 29/04/2018 20:43

But the women can still abort, regardless; even if someone else thinks it's 'murder'. Because it is her right! It doesn't matter what opinions are flung her way, it won't change the outcome, will it?

Well, legally it’s not her right after 24 weeks.... but anyway, if someone believes a foetus has rights (and I’m not making a judgment here as to whether it does or not) then you can’t expect them to simply also believe “her body, her choice”, in much the same way as you wouldn’t expect someone to say “her child, her choice” if she killed her 18 month old child.

The argument boils down to whether a foetus should have rights, nothing more, nothing less. If “no”, then logically abortion on demand is the only reasonable position. If “yes”, then it’s very different.... but until that issue is dealt with, there’s absolutely no point thinking “my body, my choice” will have any impact. It’s just a mantra that completely misses the point. It’s like trying to argue that Islam is superior to Christianity with an atheist!

IHaveBrilloHair · 29/04/2018 20:46

I had no counselling, none.
I was sure about my choice, but still, no counselling for a TOP at 23+5.
The help is woeful, non existant.
I suffer to this day, not because of my choice as such, but because of the judgment.

Juells · 29/04/2018 20:52

Have you had any counselling since, Brillo? It sounds just awful.

OrchidInTheSun · 29/04/2018 20:57

I always have been, and always will be, pro-choice. Women should never have to carry a foetus if they don't want to, wherever it is in gestation.

FWIW I've had an abortion, miscarriages and children.

user1457017537 · 29/04/2018 21:05

Are some posters seriously considering the right to abort at the same time as a c-section ie birth. Who could do this would you expect doctors and nurses