To be upset dd is set on studying nursing when she could do medicine?

[Majamandy]

My dd is very academic - she got straight As/9s in her GCSEs last year (apart from 1 D in Art) and is half way through her A levels taking Maths, Biology, Chemistry and History. Her working grades are AAAA.

She's been doing a lot of medical work experience this year, as she's been set on doing something medical for a long time. She recently told us that she's decided she's going to apply for nursing.

AIBU to think that that's a waste of her academic potential? She'd earn so much more as a doctor.

It is up to her, she will be doing the studying and career. My dh was railroaded into applying for Dentistry by his parents, he did not get the required grades and is now a high earning computer programmer, which he thoroughly enjoys. He said that he would have hated Dentistry.

It’s true the status and pay is shot for nurses.

And even if the working conditions aren’t much better for doctors, they have more status and better pay.

Both are dealing with sick people in the nhs, and this does wear you down, be it nursing or doctoring.
Budgets are being cut left right and center and most contact time can be taken over filling in records instead of actually hands on helping, and healing.

For my pennies worth, I’d do something like engineering, and help out at a hospice as a volunteer.

Engineers and scientist really enjoy their work, don’t have the nhs to contend with: she’ll avoid the conflicts associated with overly high status / money given to doctors, or unduly low status and money given to nurses, and she can accommodate her nurturing feelings by helping out at a hospice.
Just a thought.

I can totally understand your disappointment. But what reasons does she give?

Her life. Her choice

YABU

I’ve always wanted to be a midwife but was pushed to go to university instead because I was ‘too clever’. (Nursing and midwifery weren’t degree subjects then)

I didn’t get into medical school but did a science degree at a good uni, got a 2-I and worked for years in the drug industry until I got fed up and went back to uni to retrain as a mudwife in my 30’s

As part of my current role I teach medical students and I still come across students who have been pushed into it. Being a med student or a doctor is tough even when it is your calling but when your heart isn’t in it it’s bloody miserable

Don't push her into something that she doesn't want to do, and never ever tell her that you are disappointed in her choice. It's her choice and it is what she wants to do. Do your best to support her wholeheartedly in her ambition.

Whatever you think, it isn't your life - it's hers. Don't live your life through her, or try and make her into the person you want her to be.

It's an awful burden to bear you know - to go through life believing that your parents are disappointed in you because you didn't follow the path they wanted.

Be proud of her academic achievements and be happy for her that she has found her vocation.

is the OP coming back?

YABU by the way - it's her life

Let her do nursing. It’s a career with much better prospects these days. Shorter training, less debt, more opportunities to specialise and work in niches or management.
Medicine and life as a doctor is a cesspit these days and no longer a good career choice. Hell will freeze over before I let my kids do it (if they’ll listen obvs)
If I was younger I’d be retraining but I’m stuck with doctoring now ☹️

Obviously she should do as she wants but I don't think it's a bad idea to see if she will articulate her reasons. Maybe she fears she is "not good enough ". Girls particularly can feel like this. You could then reassure her. Or maybe she just doesn't fancy that type of responsibility or the working hours or the work itself. In which case she knows best.

In the nicest way possible YABU. Someone's happiness is more important than what their parents want them to do.

If she really doesn't want to be a doctor she won't make it through her degree and if she does, she won't last as an F1/F2.

Being a doctor, when you don't really want to be a doctor, is shit. I mean it's pretty hardcore when you do want to be a doctor. Endless exams. Being told where to work and where you can live (because deaneries are massive and you might get lucky and get a job nearby or you might get sent miles away from your friends and family). Those things don't matter if you really want to do the job but they'd be pretty intolerable if you're also thinking 'and I don't even want to bloody do this'.

I'm a midwife. Considered being a doctor but in the end decided midwifery was the one for me. If she wants to be a nurse then support her being a nurse, she can do so many cool things with that and specialise in so many worthwhile areas. FWIW I do not regret my choice of being an NHS midwife, I love my job. I've got mates who have more than one Masters or PhD and who do such things as teaching, legal work, management and strategy, matrons who are the same age as me and I'm only mid thirties (I didn't go down that route for various reasons). The jobs are out there and there are some really interesting and worthwhile positions and some of them are paid really well!

If she goes on and does nursing, and decides she wants to go and do medicine later, she can. Graduate Entry medicine is 4 years and a previous medical background would be really helpful. If she hasn't ever actually said she wants to be a doctor then this really isn't coming from her.

Nursing is an amazing job and different from medicine in many ways, all of which I am sure your daughter has considered.

Also, she has good grades but so do lots of other people applying for medicine which is a very over subscribed course. There are also often interviews, the UKCAT etc. Meaning that just because she's on track for a solid set of marks does not mean she is guaranteed to be offered a place to study medicine.

It is ultimately her decision as she is the one who will have to go to the job everyday and live with this decision. Nursing is an amazing vocation and you should be proud she wants to help people in that way.

YABU. I’m like your daughter, achieved similar grades in my school exams. Was told I was “too clever” to study nursing but I was so adamant. I did a lot of work experience, targeted at medicine, but what it actually taught me was although I adored the healthcare setting, I wanted to do the nurses job not the doctors. It’s a very specialised, autonomous career nowadays. Nurses run the show on wards, you can progress up the bands really quickly if you want to. Excellent, wide ranging career prospects. I am currently in my second year studying paediatric nursing at a highly respected university and I have loved every second. It’s academically challenging but not to the point that I don’t enjoy the learning, and the mixture of placement and theory is so refreshing after studying such academic A Levels. I’m truly excited about the future, and look forward to being graduated and working autonomously in my career before I’m 22.

I understand the instinct - truthfully I'd probably initially feel the same rightly or wrongly simply because being a doctor seems more 'prestigious' and seems to offer more potential. I also don't think the potential to earn more money should be sniffed at and I understand that nursing can involve pretty brutal shift work which, unlike doctoring doesn't necessarily end. But I do think that it really depends on the person and their vocation. You have to really want to be a doctor or a nurse and they are different jobs. I have the greatest admiration for those that do either job well. Talk to your daughter and understand her thinking and reasons and discuss then with her. If her reasons are ill founded that is one thing. If they are not, that is another.

A junior doctor earning £28k - really? 😐 Maybe base salary but surely not their 'real' take home pay.

My niece is a nurse, and a doctor! Not in the medical sense, she's got a PhD in nursing. There are all sorts of opportunities nowadays, it's not all ward based.

Yabu. Nursing is a completely different profession to medicine. As well as the medical side it involves a huge amount of pastoral care and support and comfort which doctors aren't responsible for. Lots of nurses have the grades to have studied medicine - it's not like they just weren't bright enough to be doctors!

I got accepted into medical school but decided I couldn’t afford it. Became a nurse, did midwifery conversion, did a masters, got promoted quite a bit and am now a uni lecturer. Am hoping to do my PhD soon.

So plenty of opportunities and chance to be academic.

I would say it depends on her reasons for not wanting to study medicine. If it’s lack of confidence then I can understand you being disappointed and wanting to rectify this. If she wants to be a nurse and is prepared for the first few years of being a junior nurse before potentially working her way up (if that’s what she wants) then yabu.

YANBU. I'd be devastated if my child wanted to be a nurse when they could be a doctor. Has she no ambition?

My dil is in her final year of a degree that seems to be a half way between nursing and a doctor. It's very specialist and she will start on a decent salary. My friend's daughter also did extremely well in her A levels but was not accepted by any university to do medicine,just having the grades isn't enough to get a place

OP, what is medical work experience?

It isn't all about money, but let us now acknowledge that, hours being equally long....
Average nurse earns 26 to 35k
Average GP earns 55 to 80k
Now, call me old fashioned, but I'd say that would be a fairly strong reason to give your child a little nudge in one direction, if the hours are going to be long either way, and her only real reason was that it looked a bit more fun for instance. It does of course depend on her reasons too though.

Since when was it a requirement to aim for the absolute most complicated and well paid a career as your intelligence allows rather than choosing the career path you'd find most rewarding?

I'm a student nurse. I've gotten top grades in every exam I've taken since high school, and I've taken many. I've (unintentionally) shown up a couple of med students in practice during my studies. Yet I can think of nothing worse than looking at patients with a focus on diagnosis and treatment rather than full holistic care.

You are being hugely unreasonable. It is her decision in any case. I wouldn’t want my children to be doctors (although would support them if they wanted to be as it is their decision). The hours are awful and the idea that as a consultant you do 9-5 is just not true in most specialities now. The training is long and there is very little public respect anymore (towards all HCPs but I think it has particularly worsened towards doctors).

As PPs have said, you can end up very limited in where you can live in terms of where you can get a training post or a consultancy post. Plus, I have seen many doctors struggle to get time off for their own weddings, the system is so inflexible and tight.

I could have done medicine but am very glad I did not (am a different HCP). It’s an awful job. Nursing is pretty bad too but at least is a little more flexible.

All these posts and no response from the OP! 🤔

Icky, I thought exactly the same