To be upset dd is set on studying nursing when she could do medicine?

[Majamandy]

My dd is very academic - she got straight As/9s in her GCSEs last year (apart from 1 D in Art) and is half way through her A levels taking Maths, Biology, Chemistry and History. Her working grades are AAAA.

She's been doing a lot of medical work experience this year, as she's been set on doing something medical for a long time. She recently told us that she's decided she's going to apply for nursing.

AIBU to think that that's a waste of her academic potential? She'd earn so much more as a doctor.

I think that a lot of it depends upon your daughters personality. My daughter wants to be a dr but has spent a lot of time weighing up the pros and cons. She believes that as a dr she won’t have the time to get to know patients well and also that nurses will be an invaluable resource to her as a dr because they are much more hands on. If your daughter is a people person who likes spending time helping others then it sounds like nursing is the right career for her.

MN So you’re now derailing this thread with posts from other threads. Do you think that poster would be happy you’ve shown her up here?

Surely the focus is this one, in which the OP is apparently perfectly well informed as to the qualifications required for the courses in question; whose DD has already done ‘medical work experience’ whatever that may mean; and qualified doctors, nurses and midwives have shared their experiences and given advice.

The DD seems to have a fairly realistic assessment of the two careers and has decided on that basis she’d be better suited to nursing.

The discussion is whether the OP is justified in thinking DD may be wasting her potential, to which the general consensus is no.

No,jojo.Doctors are people person too.its not an either or
That people person notion that reinforces stereotypical divisions between professionals

I think I would've upset to , I think mainly because I tiny part of me may wonder if my DD was lacking in confidence.

I don’t think mncsum is derailing in least,her post illustrates amongst some folk there is a lack of understanding of the demands & rigours of healthcare career. I’d say as a lecturer mnscum is ideally placed to comment on candidates and the entry requirements

Sorry "would be".

You’re very odd Tatiana, it was you who kept blathering on about how you’ve never seen a thread from someone with an unrealistic view of nursing/midwifery as a career. And now I’m detailing the thread?

I’m quite aware of what the thread is about and what everyone else was discussing before you started sidetracking. I gave quite a comprehensive answer to the OP yesterday.

• derailing

As a former nurse I am insulted by this. Nursing degrees are hard work! I worked 37.5 hours a week on placement, most weekends as a carer whilst studying my nursing degree! Its not easy and not worse than being a doctor!
Why do you want her to become a doctor? Bragging rights? You should just be proud that she is so bright and knows what she wants to do, and wants to do a job where she will be helping people and make a difference. Nurses do a lot nowadays and in no way substandard to doctors.
You do realise she is going to be the one working in her chosen profession, not you?! I cant believe you think you need to talk her round. You need to have a good look in the mirror and think about how you might end up pushing her away instead of supporting her decision!

YANBU, but maybe she wants to be a nurse?

What a poster has said on another thread is totally irrelevant to the dilemma in this one.

I said I’d never seen a particular comment, a couple of posters have, that’s fine. That doesn’t detract from my point that there are many educated and well qualified women on here, with which MN agreed. People who are familiar with the demands of a healthcare career because they’re in them.

This is not a thread about a DD who shows lack of understanding of the demands of careers in healthcare, on the contrary she appears to considered the options and decided nursing is the best fit for her.

I had the grades for medicine but I went into nursing instead because that is what I wanted to do.

Yes, doctors are clever, but so are nurses.

So yes YABU, kindly fuck off with that attitude

Op I have two equally academically able daughters...
DD1 went into medicine
DD2 went into Nursing.

DD1 has wanted to be a doctor since she was four years old. Loves it, was born to do it I think...but it's still been tough and has taken a huge toll on her physical and mental health along the way ( went from a confident 18 yr old to a 5 stone 9 anorexic by the end of yr 1) She recovered but it was incredibly tough on her. She's well now, in her 3rd year since qualifying and having locum-d to give herself time to decide on speciality is going to do her GP training. She had all the right attributed but it still nearly killed her along the way! We are grateful she is now a happy healthy doctor, but dear GOD the hours she works.

DD2 did Learning Disability nursing, graduated with a first, got a great job and now, on her second job is in a highly specialised enviroment caring for terminall ill young people. She adores it, she is very well paid, and she is not half as stressed as her sister! She has the potential to continue through the pay bands, but have some life left at the end of the day.

Knowing what I do now, I would never push someone to go into medicine unless they were 100% sure. AN awful lot of capable, brilliant med students do drop out when they find it's not for them.

It is HER choice, not yours... and I might add I am equally proud of my girls.. I don't consider that DD1 has done 'better' than DD2 in any way whatsoever!

As we’ve discussed, nurses can be highly specialised, academic and if ambitious can reach a good wage fairly easily (especially if live in a city / within reach of teaching hospitals).

I would add however that nurses are still treated shabbily, mostly badly paid and considering they are the largest professional workforce, do not have a proportionate voice in the running of hospitals and services. They are still forced to wear uncomfortable, military style uniforms in contrast to other professionals who either wear what they want or something that is practical. It’s a pretty misogynist world and male nursing numbers have not risen, which is a shame. Once newer generations of graduate, empowered nurses rise to the top I’m sure things will improve though.

@StillMedusa learning disability nurses are the best ones in my opinion
Its an even tougher branch of nursing to go into, as you constantly get people who have no idea what it is, and the amount of times I've been told I'm not a 'real' nurse is unbelievable!

Medusa wow, you must be so proud of both of your girls. I was anorexic as a teen and it is one of the reasons I would not go into medicine. That's an incredible achievement to have beaten anorexia and continue as a doctor.

@Heartofglass12345 We are the best right? 😉

Definitely! I don't do it anymore but I miss it! (Certain aspects not so much lol)

OP, please don't 'talk her round' - this has to be her choice and her decision. Don't make her choose medicine to please you.
If she is lacking in confidence, worried about making the wrong choice or really isn't sure just yet, then perhaps a year out might be a better option for her right now.

Peakpants

I worked in a large public sector legal department for many years. Solicitors snd legal executives were paid on the same scale and had the same responsibilities. It's wrong to compare legal execs with paralegals.

Medicine is hugely oversubscribed in terms of applicants. A real dedication to want to study medicine will be needed, plus evidence of work experience in a hospital, if she is to get a look in in being offered a place though Ucas. A lack of confidence will not do her any favours.

Should she get onto a Medicine course, confidence and total commitment will be needed to stay the course. Again, if her heart is not in it, she'll have a miserable time.

Let her go with what she wants; she'll be far more likely to succeed. There's always the option of keeping her options open with a range of sciences at A Level, as has been suggested. My younger daughter did a Physics degree, and is now in her first year training as a clinical scientist in Medical Physics, in the NHS. She is really enjoying it.

(I agree that £28k after 8 years as a paediatric doctor with 10 years experience does not sound right. DD, as mentioned above, is starting her training on £32 (including London weighting) - so that does not add up.

I'd suggest she takes a gap year and works as a Healthcare Assistant. This would enable her to see first-hand what both jobs are like, and would also be a massive help to her application, if she does decide to go for either. For medicine in particular, having done some relevant work experiencemakes a big difference. Lots of people want to help others, but it turns out some of them jut can't handle either nursing or medicine. She might also want to look at some other branches of health care eg research or public health.

I tried to be a nurse. I started my course at St Barts in 1997. My mum was very proud. I wanted to be a writer or work in media in some kind of writing capacity, maybe a journalist or write for the emerging World Wide Web. Mum didn't approve. My second career choice was nursing because it was a career in demand of new blood and I thought well, I could do that anywhere, around the world. Young, foolish child that I was.

I sucked at it. Scraping by, really. My maths wasn't up to speed, and I realised after three years of trying I wasn't cut out for it. It is a hard hard job, requiring all if your physical and mental capacity. I had some emotional problems at the time too, so I quit. Mum was devastated. Then I went to see a careers advisor at Peckham Library and mooted doing something creative again. I wanted to take that journalism course. Long story short, Mum still disapproved and after a brief spell in retail, ended up working as station staff for London Underground.

I wish I'd never bloody listened to my mother. We are not close anymore. I like working on the Tube but wished I could gave developed my writing skills more.

But my point is this; Stay out of your daughter's life choices, and don't think for one moment nursing is an "easy career". I earn much more than a D grade nurse now, with none of their stress, politics, or frustration. I respect every single damn one of them, for their commitment and care. I have nothing but my utmost respect. Let your daughter follow her heart, PLEASE.

Has she watched "Meet The Fockers" recently, by any chance?
If not, might be fun for both of you. Ben Stiller film about someone who chose nursing over an offer for medical school. Utterly hilarious (as long as your sense of humour is not too sophisticated...), and also explores some issues about this choice. There, that's proper careers research for you .

I think we'll be able to tal her round into applying for medicine

Please don't do that. She will not get through the course if her heart isn't in it.

TBH, I'm not surprised she lacks confidence, you seem very disappointed in her career choice, it must be hard for her to know her parents aren't supportive.

She is an intelligent young adult, being clever isn't just about getting A* grades, it's also about making intelligent choices in life. Please respect her decisions.