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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset dd is set on studying nursing when she could do medicine?

254 replies

Majamandy · 27/04/2018 16:35

My dd is very academic - she got straight As/9s in her GCSEs last year (apart from 1 D in Art) and is half way through her A levels taking Maths, Biology, Chemistry and History. Her working grades are AAAA.

She's been doing a lot of medical work experience this year, as she's been set on doing something medical for a long time. She recently told us that she's decided she's going to apply for nursing.

AIBU to think that that's a waste of her academic potential? She'd earn so much more as a doctor.

OP posts:
LucheroTena · 27/04/2018 16:54

I turned down medicine for nursing (>25 years ago now). I wouldn’t want my daughter doing either job sadly as the NHS is in such a state. I regret being a nurse but wouldn’t have wanted to be doctor, they don’t seem a very satisfied bunch. There are lots of reasonably paid roles in nursing for ambitious people but unfortunately few are clinical. Consultant nurses are normally on 75k, head of nursing on 90k+ (we have many of both jobs at our large teaching trust), chief nurses on 120k or more. Or she could work at a university (I know plenty of nursing professors but couldn’t tell you what they earn). Sadly, although clinical nursing is highly skilled in many specialities the pay is shit.

LucheroTena · 27/04/2018 16:56

Ps most nurses I’ve employed recently have at least 3 Bs at A level. It’s not been unusual to see a clean run of As on applications. Nurses are not the thick stereotype that is made out.

YearOfYouRemember · 27/04/2018 16:57

Nothing wrong with being upset she's choosing nursing rather than being a doctor but it's her life. She's her own person and she must do what she feels is best for her.

My dd is also very bright, is currently doing some GCSEs a year early and has already started an AS level and will be doing another next year. I would like her to study X and she's chosen Z and that's fine as it's her life. Can't understand why I would have a say in her choices other than to offer my experiences.

MeanTangerine · 27/04/2018 16:59

Read the book 'Also Human' before you tell anyone to be a doctor.

I saw a (highly specialised) nurse practitioner on here who earns 84k. Nurses are not all doomed to a life of penury.

Lifeontheoceanwave · 27/04/2018 16:59

Good for her not being swept a long with expectations. Have a conversation to satisfy your own curiosity but don’t try and persuade her.

PeakPants · 27/04/2018 17:00

Tough one. I would have a serious word with her about it and maybe ask a teacher to speak to her too. There is nothing wrong with nursing, but she might find that on her degree course, she will not be surrounded with like-minded people and that might cause her to drop out. It's hard to word it so that it doesn't come across as condescending to nurses, but I think she may find that she is unfulfilled on her course.

Sometimes 18 yo's have strange ideas and make strange choices. A girl at my school who was predicted straight As decided to apply for some mickey mouse course at a former poly. Predictably she hated it and dropped out, mainly because of having nothing in common with her course mates. She never went back to uni.

How about if she does something like biology or chemistry for now, leaving open the option of going into graduate medicine after she graduates? That still opens up a lot of other doors for careers and she could always go into nursing afterwards if that is what she fancies.

MikeUniformMike · 27/04/2018 17:01

What if it was the OP's DS? Would the responses be the same?

Ginmakesitallok · 27/04/2018 17:02

Nurses aren't just failed doctors

pombal · 27/04/2018 17:04

I would advise her to do a life science degree then postgraduate entry into nursing. Shorter course and you qualify with a post graduate cert or dip - can’t remember - Southampton Uni do a course like this.

Then she can branch out more easily into Pharma, research or teaching if she wants to.

I’m also a nurse but currently work mainly as a freelance medical translator.

I haven’t stepped foot on a ward for over 15 years.

The image of nursing being hospital based ward nursing doesn’t really reflect the scope of careers on offer once qualified.

Tiddlywinks63 · 27/04/2018 17:05

You sound just like my mother op, 45 years ago. She was determined that I would be a doctor, I became a nurse instead and she's never let me forget that I didn't fulfill her dream of having a 'daughter who's a doctor '.
Please don't try pressurising her into what you want.

sausagedogsmakechipolatas · 27/04/2018 17:06

I’d thank my lucky stars my 17yo knew what they wanted to do, and was achieving the grades needed to get onto the relevant course. Money is not everything, and nurses can specialise if they want to.

My answer would be the same whatever sex my child was. Why wouldn’t it be?

Fatted · 27/04/2018 17:07

YABVU. I say this as someone who's own mother constantly criticised my choice of degree and career, constantly telling me I could do better.

I have family members working in medicine, both of whom were straight A students. Both got first degrees - neither in medicine - and one went on to get a doctorate in their field. Both are now earning good wages in high ranking roles.

Chinesecrested · 27/04/2018 17:07

She'll need a degree to be a nurse. If the money's rubbish afterwards she could do agency work; work on a cruise ship or go abroad somewhere they value nurses

NordicNobody · 27/04/2018 17:10

I was 3/4 of the way through med school when I dropped out because I hated it so much and felt like I was losing my soul/ sanity. Every day I went to placement I saw other healthcare roles and thought "why am I doing this when that job looks just as good?" The best piece of advice I ever got before applying to med school was "ask yourself if you can see yourself doing any other job, and if you can then do that instead". I really wish I'd taken that advice! I'll be going back to uni in a few years hopefully to train as a physician associate instead. Everyone gave me a lecture on how I was "so close to finishing" and "wasting all my hard work/ potential" but you couldn't pay me to finish medical school. Being a doctor is not just about being at the top of the medical food chain and earning big money, it's a whole lifestyle. You have to put your heart and soul into medicine and once it's taken those it'll shake you down to see if there's anything left it can have. If your daughter has any doubt at all about being a doctor, she should 100% not be a doctor.

PeakPants · 27/04/2018 17:12

Nobody is saying nurses are failed doctors or a failure at all but the fact is that they are hugely underpaid for the hard work they do. They really are. I genuinely think she will regret it in a few years' time.

It's the same with solicitors and paralegals. There is nothing wrong with being a paralegal or a legal exec but they often do similar work to solicitors but for rubbish pay. Therefore, I wouldn't recommend anyone to take this path unless they feel that there are reasons they can't be a solicitor (such as grades etc).

People keep talking about rising through the ranks and becoming a clinical nurse practitioner. That will take years and years and most never get there. The majority will be the underpaid nurses on the wards.

At least if she does a science degree, she will have options- nursing, medicine, or something else.

Dynamitewithalaserbeam · 27/04/2018 17:12

"on her degree course, she will not be surrounded with like-minded people"

Bloody hell. dd has just graduated as a nurse and her course was full of people with school As and Bs. The academic requirements, the maths, the assignments, together with the ability to work long shifts, to remember complicated drug regimes and doses etc etc etc means that nursing is no longer for people who are just "kind" Hmm

It's a tough academic degree these days.

Listen to her; she may have very good reasons. Any student doctors I know atm hate the long hours, the high expectations, the way they are treated like shit by consultants and the fact that to get anywhere they will have to continue to study for at least another ten years.

frenchknitting · 27/04/2018 17:12

I had a friend who was pressured into doing medicine rather than nursing, just because she could. She hated it, and dropped out and switched to nursing after a year.

I had twice as many UCAS points as I needed to get into my course. But I don't regret not doing something else. I loved my course and will be working for 45+ years - it's important to find a job that you enjoy.

Orangecake123 · 27/04/2018 17:13

I think you are being unreasonable.

My cousin is currently doing core training as a qualified doctor and earns less than my therapist working part time. Apples and oranges though. She's happy.

I'm in my third year of medical school. It's not the place for people who don't really want to be here. You have to have something that makes you push on when you will want to quit. rather than I'm just here because "I want to make my parents happy".

MissTeri · 27/04/2018 17:13

YABU I'm shocked anyone would be disappointed that their child wanted to be a nurse! I'd be so proud of my son if he became one!

I did an Health Science access course a few years ago, most people went into nursing degrees afterwards and all of them absolutely love their placements and are gutted when they have to leave. They work so hard but find it incredibly rewarding.

KurriKurri · 27/04/2018 17:14

I was very academic at school, - I wanted to do nursing but was basically bullied persuaded to go down the academic route. Have regretted it all my life.

Let your DD make her own choice as to what will make her happy and fulfilled.

mostdays · 27/04/2018 17:14

I would not advise anyone to go into a career as demanding and pressured as medicine if they weren't fully committed to it.

BoudicasBoudoir · 27/04/2018 17:14

Some very senior academics are nurses, including the Vice Chancellor of the University of Kent. And we all know what VCs earn.

KurriKurri · 27/04/2018 17:16

Should say I was a teenager 40 yrs ago when nursing was not a degree course.

I can't see any reason why you wouldn't want your academic Dd to do nursing these days.

TheJoyOfSox · 27/04/2018 17:16

Yabvvvvu.

Your daughter has her own life to live.
This has nothing to do with you.

If she decides to run away and join the circus, that’s her choice.

You can offer advice and guide her, you are being unreasonable but If you try to push her into doing what you really wanted to do but didn’t.

Be grateful she has chosen a nice safe career, some girls find themselves pregnant, drunk, shoplifters or drug addicts. At least your dd has an idea of what she wants from her life, please don’t be that pushy mum who forces her to do what you wanted.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 27/04/2018 17:17

Good for your DD for being her own person and choosing a career that she feels will be inherently rewarding instead of focusing on money and status. Perhaps you could learn a thing or two from her OP.

The fact that your DD is predicted good grades at A Level doesn't mean she is cut out for a career in medicine by the way. I've known many a Med student or junior doctor crack under the pressure and these were people who desperately wanted to be Doctors. I imagine people who don't genuinely want a career in medicine but are pressured into following that path by parents who like the way "my son/daughter is a doctor" sounds are much less likely to get through with their sanity in tact.