To be upset dd is set on studying nursing when she could do medicine?

[Majamandy]

My dd is very academic - she got straight As/9s in her GCSEs last year (apart from 1 D in Art) and is half way through her A levels taking Maths, Biology, Chemistry and History. Her working grades are AAAA.

She's been doing a lot of medical work experience this year, as she's been set on doing something medical for a long time. She recently told us that she's decided she's going to apply for nursing.

AIBU to think that that's a waste of her academic potential? She'd earn so much more as a doctor.

I had a similiar response from my family when I said I wanted to be a nurse...geniune horror that I wanted to "wipe bums and empty bed pans for a living" when I was "clever enough to be a doctor ". Still get it now from time to time, but tbh I just ignore it cos I know they mean well, but they have no idea about working in healthcare...so tbh their opinion doesn't matter to me. It is a bit sad that so many people think nursing is a bad career choice though.

I couldn't imagine doing anything other than nursing, though tbh it a little bit crap sometimes. Very wide choice of jobs though, flexible hours etc, and she can always get a part time permanent post and work agency shifts that pay 30-50 quid an hour of money is that important.

I think yanbu, she'd be crazy not to go for the highest paid job, both are very hard work though. I regret not considering salary more when choosing degree/career, which I know sounds cynical, but starting out/rent/housing/childcare etc costs these days are massive and more money does make things much easier.

as a doctor you have more capacity - you’re not just carrying out other people’s orders

There are very few nursing roles with this dynamic nowadays. Most nursing is very autonomous with an entirely different, though complimentary, focus to that of the medical staff.

I’ll help you here - been a nurse for 23 years. All NHS jobs are pretty grim, I suppose the potential for private practice if she goes into a field that supports PP is a bonus.

Anyhow, nursing is pretty remarkable, and it’s certainly a career worth it’s own merit. Nursing being a whole different dynamic to the patient experience

Once poster above said Head of nursing are on 90k - sadly not true. That’s my job. Responsible for 400 ish nurses, £20 mil budget, a big a&e and 10 wards. I earn £50k ish

AI is set to replace a lots of the roles doctors carry out. But hands on care will always require a human
Utter rot. AI has no algorithm for complex,unique,case by case decision making
The reasoning that Doctors, Nurses,OT,SW undertake because it’s so skilled

I am a GP and would not recommend a career in medicine at the current time with the NHS state. it is utterly miserable. IMO nurses have it better from the point oF view of training and working hours. they can also train to be nurse practitioners earring £23 ph mon - fr- 9-5

Of course YABU. I don't even understand your reasoning. Personality is completely distinct from intelligence. She could train for a thousand well paid jobs, would you complain about the worst paying 999? She and you are lucky she has a goal.

Hahhha snobbery abounds, most children of
Doctors I know these days if they want to follow the family trade are nurses. I am a nurse self employed I could earn £50 an hour (I am in a speciality) as a employee I get £132 a day I work 3 days a week, the female doctor I work with earns loads more than me she barely gets to bed before midnight...(I will be honest on my work days I get paid for 8 hours I work about 11) but nursing is fab and we get to know our patients.
Hurray for her I love being a nurse (mostly) 28 years and counting.

I think people are overestimating how much doctors are paid. You can earn a lot of money as a locum but this does mean giving up a regular place of work and never being able to progress in training.

I am 4th year of working as a doctor. I have a great salary for someone my age, but my average hours are 45h/week not including routinely running over, and involves a high proportion of antisocial hours (nights, evenings, weekends) and I have to spend large amounts of my free time on portfolio, revision, extra leadership activities, training courses, meeting mandatory parts of my training in my free time, travelling more than an hour to a distant workplace I have been sent to, audit, catching up on admin etc and I spend at least £1k/year on membership, exams, courses and indemnity. Anything under 40h per week is paid as "part time" and will involve taking longer to complete training.

I'm sure there are professionals in other careers working just as hard but people don't seem to begrudge them their salaries so much?

I would earn more per hour working as a civil servant and having spent far less time and money at university. But obviously, there are a lot of other reasons to pursue medicine (academic interest, reward of "helping people", working with fantastic people within the nhs, practical, achieving "expertise" /status and financial security among them). I'm not complaining at all, still very fortunate, but pursuing medicine is a daft way to "get rich". You would be much better off in tech.

Nursing overall is a bit more family friendly, usually involves fewer hours per week (but more antisocial in junior roles), and a great flexibility to move between different specialisms and even into different HCP roles. The day to day grind of say, general adult nursing is literally backbreaking and awful (from what I have observed!). But that is not all that nursing is. If you are intelligent and academic I imagine you could do very well and reasonably quickly in a niche area - and if acting as an independent practitioner appeals these roles are only becoming easier to access. Midwifery, paediatric nursing, clinical specialists, nurse consultants, practitioners in AE - these are not mere drugdes who are told what to do by doctors! Midwives with additional training can and do carry out high risk births and procedures, unsupervised. Nurse practitioners may be the senior to whom doctors go to for advice. I am in paediatrics, the weight of ward nurses' opinions is very often just as important as mine, I literally rely on their years of experience every day - though we have different perspectives that is a good thing.

One of the key downsides of being a nurse, I would imagine, is constantly having to overcome the appalling old fashioned ideas that people have and everyone feeling "sorry for you" It is not a a career to turn your nose up at!

Upsydaisy good luck to you we need lot of nurses as keen and happy as you xx

And apologies doctors when I said nurses get to know our patients I of course meant in a ward setting where they do not have a chronic illness. Most doctors I know in chronic/primary care know their patients extremely well.

As a lifestyle choice I'd definitely choose nursing over being a doctor. The training for a start is very arduous, can be stressful and is not well rewarded.
Granted the pay is less but life is not all about pay. Maybe your dd wants a more hands on role with the patients?

I agree with those saying to talk to her and find out why.

You might be being unreasonable but you might not be.

If she feels like she isn't good enough to be a doctor, lacks confidence in herself or is worried about the grades then YANBU.

If she has absorbed some kind of stereotyped message about men becoming doctors and women becoming nurses then YANBU

But if she wants to do nursing because she wants to do it then YABU. It's a very different job to nursing and she might prefer it. If she shares your worries about the NHS then she could choose to work in a private hospital or school.

You can't choose your intellect and it doesn't necessarily match your interests and passions in life. I am (was?) very academic. I got 4 As at A Level, went to a prestigious university and studied an academic subject. But I never loved studying, I'm not ambitious and my interests aren't academic. I only ever really cared about dance, drama and music. My parents wouldn't hear of my studying those things. I teach performing arts now and I adore it. But my mum has never really got over it ('such a waste' 'you could have had a proper job' etc). She's 'lucky' I got pregnant young and wasn't talented enough to get sufficient professional stage work to reliably support my daughter!

Your DD is obviously an intelligent young woman OP.

Perhaps you should have more faith in her ability to make sensible informed decisions for herself in matters that affect her life and her career.

If I weren't a doctor I think I would want to be a nurse and go into a specialist area with opportunities to run own clinics, act in a specialist advisory role, or research. When I see nurses in some of these roles (and many are highly paid) I do wonder about whether I made the right choice. Not sure I would want to be an ANP on a Reg rota because they have to be Reg's with all the same antisocial stuff and responsibility but are paid worse and get treated like shit by managers (eg breaks deducted when they are carrying an on call bleep, only paid pro rata for covering an empty reg shift last minute) and patients are also less respectful unless they mistake them for a doctor!

One of the key advantages of medicine is to your ego. Because people still use that phrase "just a nurse"

To be clear I don't actually think it is doctors who have this bad attitude (obviously some do) so much as it is the public and the "system"

What would be easier? Study medicine, but then transfer to nursing or the other way around? That might be one way to guide the decision.

@Gwenhwyfar

Unfortunately both of those options are terribly financially and socially punitive (either way around it is at least 7-8 years of unpaid study, greatly reduced support to fund the study, increased loans, starting back at the bottom). There is no "transfer" between medicine and nursing, only staring again, basically from scratch. Far better to just stick to one choice.

If you had to, I guess medicine first because it is the longer and more expensive degree (so a nightmare to get through as a grad with minimum funding). But if you don't want to be a doctor it is so not worth going to medical school! Like literally do something more interesting that takes less time.

I know someone who dropped out of medicine and became a nurse. He didn't have to start from scratch. This wasn't in the UK though.
I get the point about going to medical school for many, many years though.

I am a nurse, I have 2 degrees (one nursing obviously) and an MSc.
I have had a great career so far, working in the private sector up to management level and I am currently in the NHS as a ward manager.
Yes it is hard work, yes it is thankless at times, yes we could do with more pay, BUT I get such rewards from caring for our patients and relatives, I get excellent training and the opportunities are ongoing really, you can work in lots of countries, in the armed forces, charities, private sector and NHS and you can specialise.
I would still say it is s good career if you want it to be....

Do you think she really wants to be a DR but lacks confidence?

Just started reading this thread but this stopped me in my tracks. Nurses are not sub standard Drs. It’s a different profession. Perhaps your daughter is attracted to the more holistic care model that is nursing.
FWIW I was always academic at school. Nursing was my second career, I took a pay cut but it’s been a fantastic choice.

I can see where you're coming from but honestly it sounds like she's thought it through and made a good choice.

Being a Dr is a lot of pressure. My dd has it in her head as a career path and I can see objectively she might succeed as she is very resilient and quite "hard" / driven. But to be honest it scares me witless. The pressure and responsibility must be immense and there are no doctors in our family so she has no clear line of support. Often you seem to see children of doctors going on to be doctors.

My niece got really good A level results but despite applying for two years on the trot she was rejected for medical school and was really gutted. She is now a qualified radiographer and doing well in her career. You cannot decide for your daughter, she will make her own choices.

I am a senior nurse and have done very well in my career, but tried really hard to put my own daughter off doing nursing, as it is still a regarded as a low status job by many. She didn't pay any attention, should qualify as a nurse later this year and is hoping to take up a post in Accident and Emergency as a Staff Nurse. I imagine she will do really well to be honest, if it had been my choice she could gone further, but simply it was up to her.

The advantages of nursing from my own experience are that it is not difficult as a married woman to combine earning quite decent money with bringing up a young family. As children grow up, there are many opportunities for career development, if you have kept up and constantly studied and developed new skills.

Her carere her job her life her choice not yours stay out of it.

@Weezol your friend is lying. A doctor with eight years’ experience is not paid £28k.

It would be good to tease out what appeals about nursing and take it from there.

There's a huge number of careers in the medical profession that aren't doctors or nurses and it would be helpful to check these out too.

On saying that, how many of us listened to our parents?! If you have any friends in the medical area arrange for them to have a coffee.