To be upset dd is set on studying nursing when she could do medicine?

[Majamandy]

My dd is very academic - she got straight As/9s in her GCSEs last year (apart from 1 D in Art) and is half way through her A levels taking Maths, Biology, Chemistry and History. Her working grades are AAAA.

She's been doing a lot of medical work experience this year, as she's been set on doing something medical for a long time. She recently told us that she's decided she's going to apply for nursing.

AIBU to think that that's a waste of her academic potential? She'd earn so much more as a doctor.

YABVU

Firstly it's not so unusual these days to get straight A*s, sorry nothing special there.

As others have said, nursing is no easy ride but it can result in a rewarding career. If that's what your dd wants to do, why on earth wouldn't you support her?

Personally I wouldn't be happy about my dc doing medicine. The incredibly long hours junior doctors have to work is shocking.

Girlie why didn't you want to be a doctor?

Bloody hell. dd has just graduated as a nurse and her course was full of people with school As and Bs.

My sister did a nursing degree and dropped out in her second year. That was not her experience.... I am sure there are some very bright students on nursing courses but they definitely didn't make up the majority where she was studying. On the NHS website, the entrance requirements for nursing are listed as 5 Cs at GCSE and 2 A-levels. It obviously varies from uni to uni though. At KCL you need BBB for instance.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a nurse, but if you are an extremely academic person like the OP's DD, I don't know if it sufficiently academic.

One of my oldest friends trained as a nurse, worked for two years and then trained as a doctor.She is now a surgeon. In her case, her parents doubted she would cope doing medicine.
The excellent nurses I know have ended up in dull and burecratic managerial roles.

Yabu. It's her life, her choice. All you can do is support her. Has she said why she is choosing nursing over being a doctor? If she wants to progress there are plenty of extra qualifications she can do once she's qualified and found the area she'd like to go into. I also think we're going to see more and more specialist nursing roles the way things are going. Nursing has changed so much in recent years, nurses are highly knowledgeable and skilled, unfortunately I don't think the public perception of nurses has quite caught up. I've been a nurse for 13 years, it's hard but I love it and I truly believe it's my vocation. Good luck to her and whatever she decides.

You are being very unreasonable. Even with those grades and experience there is no guarantee she would get a place at a medical school. And if they suspect her heart isn't in it she's got no chance.

It's hard as ultimately it's her decision but yes I'd be disappointed. You must have some clue as to her reasoning though?

Maybe medicine just isn't for her? It's not all about the grades, it's about the pressure and the stress of making a wrong decision which could literally be life or death, it's about having to tell patients bad news.....I could do on and on.

If it's not for her, then good for her for recognising that at this stage and not wasting time and effort only to drop out at a later stage.

You should support her choice. Nothing wrong with nursing. And it can lead to a very senior position - Directors of Nursing etc probably earn similar to doctors but trained as nurses initially.

I'm going to dissent from the majority here, but let me preface what I say with this: I come from a family of nurses. Grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins all in the profession. I know how skilled it is, and what hard work it can be. So in what I'm about to say, I mean no disrespect at all to my family, or anyone else who is a nurse.

I think you're being unreasonable to be disappointed, but I don't think you're being unreasonably to be fearful that she might not be fulfilling her entire potential, to capacity, with that career choice. I've worked in the NHS (not medical), with doctors and nurses, and there is a chasm between the best world-leading doctors and nurses - because there's a chasm between the best doctors and the vast majority of human beings! These are an elite bunch, they really are. (That doesn't mean that they are necessarily a nice bunch, mind).

I do think it's worth sitting your DD down and asking why she doesn't want to apply for medicine. It may be that the grades it requires are intimidating to her (despite the fact that it sounds like she could easily get them!) - someone's confidence level and their ability are two different things. If this is the problem, then would suggesting something like a gap year help to reduce that pressure? It might be something else - the hours, the state of the NHS - but she'll be exposed to that in nursing too. I think this needs further investigation, basically, to determine why she's making this decision and whether her reasons are rational.

However, if she can provide reasoned arguments why she wants to be a nurse, and they are based on fact not some misconception she has, then at the end of the day, you have to let her choose for herself.

I am actually quite stunned by your post. Are you saying that she's 'too good' to be a nurse?

She could be a sister relatively quickly and picking up a very good salary by the time she's in her late 20's.

My mate is a paediatric doctor, qualified for eight years. On nights, she is the only doctor responsible for two children's wards, one nicu, backs up paeds A&E and is on call for crash and MIT.
The hospital has just closed the on-call rest rooms so she had to rent a bedsit very near the hospital as her home is 40 minutes drive away, which breaks regs if she's on call. £28k. That's all she gets. And is still referred to as a Junior Doctor.

My daughter has just qualified as a nurse and thinks that medicine is a mug's game. She had to work really hard at uni as the 50% practical has to fit into the (45 week) academic year. But she had time to enjoy herself too.

She had a choice of jobs and is already earning more than her older graduate siblings for three 12.5 hour shifts (4 free days a week!) including paid study days. She is considering a masters in the future or possibly aid work (ok, there won't be any money in that). But there are alternative options of 'office hours' or specialist training or any other aspect depending on lifestyle choice.

She knows she can move to another part of the country without ruining her career, she can work part time, or agency. She works incredibly hard on her shifts but not at the relentless pace of junior doctors.

And again we both get annoyed that nursing is seen as second best!

Completely agree with @Tiddlywinks63. I was a straight A student at GCSEs and A Level and my Mum was so clearly disappointed that I applied for nursing. It has in some ways irrevocably damaged our relationship because it felt like she was unable to respect my decisions and what I wanted to do with my life was not good enough for her. Even if you do feel disappointed, please be careful that your DD doesn't feel like you are.

As @Ginmakesitallok says, nurses aren't failed doctors - it's a completely different role and there really is more to life than money. If your DD has been doing lots of work experience she probably has a very logical reason for her choice.

The fact that your DD is predicted good grades at A Level doesn't mean she is cut out for a career in medicine by the way. I've known many a Med student or junior doctor crack under the pressure and these were people who desperately wanted to be Doctors

Completely agree. The dd of one of our friends is now in her first year of Medicine also having got straight A*s at GCSE and A Level. However she suffered with anxiety and stress which required counselling and she used to be physically ill with exam pressure. Our friends are not happy about her choice of medicine, her health and emotional well-being are so much more important.

Medicine is not for everyone, no matter how clever you are.

If she is very academic and enjoys academia there is nothing stopping her pursuing an academic career in nursing. Or else she may prefer being a nurse. I really would hate for any of mine to do medicine, it is such a demanding unfamily friendly career. I would support whatever they choose but I would never encourage medicine. Nursing is very difficult but better than medicine from that point of view.

Nursing can be a fabulous and rewarding career especially working in a large teaching hospital.
My hospital has a Clinical Academic careers pathway which actively encourages nurses at all levels to study academically to PhD level.

People keep talking about rising through the ranks and becoming a clinical nurse practitioner. That will take years and years and most never get there. The majority will be the underpaid nurses on the wards

Many don't want to get there and that's perfectly ok. I know lots of nurse who have the academic ability to progress to that extent (and have Masters degrees and published papers to prove it) but they choose to remain at a certain level because they value direct patient contact and find working on the frontline of nursing rewarding. The point people are making is that nursing isn't just about making beds and taking orders from doctors anymore. There are opportunities for OP's DD to take on additional responsibilities and to pursue postgraduate study within the nursing profession if she wants to but if she wants to be a Staff Nurse on the wards then that doesn't mean she'll be lacking in intellectual stimulation.

I've worked in hospitals for 15years and other than being proud of the achievement, I wouldn't encourage my children to become doctors. It is incredibly tough and getting tough and you are a long time (years and years) before you get to a point in your career where get a good work life balance.

Nursing is a perfectly good choice but there's so many other medical related careers she go look in to that are perhaps more academic than general nursing (although there are many nurses working in very academically demanding roles)

It’s really disheartening to see so many people that would consider nursing disappointing choice for a bright kid. I’m a midwife - I could’ve trained as an obstetrician but it’s a completely different job and not one I have ever been attracted to. I have a PhD and work in research and impact care at national level - I am academic and I use my academic and practical skills every day. I earn less than my medical counterparts but I certainly don’t earn badly - and given I have a job I enjoy, I’m very happy with my lot - there are ways I could earn more but it’s not all about the money is it?

I would get her to speak to as many nurses and doctors as you can find.

Nursing is different and surgery is different to general practice - the salaries are different too. It’s her choice but I can see where you are coming from.

We are a medical family but none of us considered nursing, as we are all doctors, vets, dentists so know the jobs inside out. I’d advise speaking to those involved in nursing to see why, advantages and disadvantages etc and then support

I wouldn’t recommend nursing as a career. Get in student debt of 50k + for a job that starts on 22k. Then work in a failing NHS. Yes, there are senior, well paid nursing roles but these are few and far between. Most nurses stay as band 5 their entire careers.

Being a doctor also involves shed load of money and stress. I wouldn’t be pushing my child towards either.

Both are demanding but rewarding careers. A lot of nurses arent very academic but for those that are there are amazing and prestigious opportunities in leadership, research, advanced practitioner etc. In some ways the career is more diverse and flexible than medicine. Senior nurses who subspecialise can earn good salaries (though not as much as they deserve!). Trust your daughter to make the right decision for herself. You will damage your relation with her if you are pushy or judgemental.

I can certainly see your point and the only way to progress in nursing is to go into management which is not nursing at all, the h c assistants do the hands on, what a waste of her brill results

I can see both sides of this. Nursing is a wonderful career but your DD will probably never earn very much which is fine if she’s ok with that.

My suggestion would be that you talk to her about her choices in a non judgemental way saying that you want her to be happy but also to fulfil her academic potential. Has she seriously considered other health related degrees too, such as pharmacy or ophthalmology? If she has a true vocation to become a nurse it sounds like she’s a wonderful young woman.

I taught a Sixth Form for many years and it is surprising the amount of parents that try to persuade their children to do what they want them to do because they think they know best. Your dd has carried out work experience so knows the different roles. If she wants to do nursing do you think it is something to do with the bursary nurses get. Is she afraid of having a large debt? Either way it is her life and so her career choice. The training to be a doctor is 7 years, without a specialism, maybe she does not that. I would support her choice.

isadoradancing123 That’s not true at all, go ask a nurse consultant or a clinical academic nurse. Yes these roles are not ten-a-penny but they certainly exist for those who want to pursue them.