Colleague expecting lifts everyday and follows me and jumps into car without asking

[Drivendementedd]

I started a job in January, a new colleague told me she lived in the building behind me and asked if I could drop her home. I naively agreed thinking that I would gel with new colleagues quickly. However, this turned in to a full month of lifts in and out to work with her asking me personal questions such as my salary and then arguing with the manager for a pay rise. I got fed up when I was late once or twice in the mornings and she would call me demanding where I was and that she has been waiting outside my building. I finally stopped collecting her as I would sometimes wait 10-15 minutes for her and was feeling so annoyed at her attitude bearing in mind she never once offered to pay for petrol and told me she was so happy I joined as it was getting really expensive for her paying taxi fares. I was still stuck bringing her home as she would just follow me out to the car and sit in. She commented twice on my personal belongings being in the car asking wow is this a sweet shop/beauty salon. It was driving me insane! This went on for 4 months until I finally told her last week that I’m not insured to carry passengers and if I have an accident they won’t pay out so I can’t bring her. The journey was awkward she seemed upset but seemed to understand. I went in the following day and she interrupted a conversation I was having with another colleague to ask when I was going home, I said I told you I’m not insured so she insisted I should drop her to the closest taxi station when I declined. I thought she got the hint but the day after she asked again, I replied no. Today, she snapped at me infront of colleagues and deliberately tried to make me feel incompetent. I ignored her and just as everyone was about to leave she asked me for a lift again, I told her I’m not a taxi service and she looked at me in shock. The problem is I’ve heard her complain about me behind my back preciously and she’s told me the other staff don’t like me/think I lied to get the job which I later found out to be untrue. What is it with these people and what can I do? It’s driving me insane!!

Update: the day I told her “I’m not a taxi, I went to sign out as I was trying to get rid of her before she followed me out to the car. As she has also used the excuse before that I hadn’t told her and that she has no way home in an accusationary manner or asked me to ask another colleague for her as if I owe her something. Anyway, I ended up signing out forgetting that day we were to stay late for meetings and the management didn’t look too impressed.

The school where I worked appointed a Classroom Assistant and told her that because she didn't have a car and lived near me that I would be able to give her lifts! They were put out when I said that I wouldn't and they could tell her, I used to value my time alone driving to and from school, it was often the only time I ever got to myself outside the bathroom!
Many years ago, when I was younger and kinder, I used to give a lift to a colleague who spent the whole journey raving about the iniquities of car-ownership! He didn't last long either.
In your case, no excuses or ruses, tell her No more.

I would put a lot of stuff in my car, like a large bag for the dry-cleaners, crates with glass bottles etc. to drop off at the container-parc etc. Keep that up for a few days, untill the message gets through to her, let her try and get herself in your car now.

Report to your manager and if he/she doesn't act on it take the issue to HR.

Daftquestion mine suggestion was a joke you didn’t pick that up no? In reality i’d so no, simple.

Tell her to jog on.

Type her an invoice for petrol and taxis for last 4 months...
Says since she verbally agreed to travel uninsured in your car you would now like her to settle her BILL for the car share.... if she pays up.... say thank you but now your agreement is at an end and you won't be driving her again.

She's a CF OP. Where I work we are all on different shifts. On a Monday and Thursday my shift coincides with a colleagues as I drive past her door with a minor detour (about 5 mins max) I have given her a lift for the past 12 years. Not once has she presumed I would and asks if it's ok every time.

I had a similar situation but wasn't brave enough to put my foot down and say no! A colleagues car broke down and I drove roast their house on my way to work so said I would give lifts. 3 weeks later and it became obvious they had no intention of getting the car fixed or replacing it. Never got a thankyou or an offer for money towards fuel. They they started expecting me to ferry their kid to school on our way to work too again without a word of thanks!
In the end someone braver than me took them to one side and told them they were taking the piss

Next time she follows you to the car do not unlock the car and get in yourself until you have said sorry I have already told you I’m not giving you lifts anymore and do not get in your car until she backs off.

That's really good advice.

I hope you find a resolution to this, OP. I know it's hard.

You don’t hknow have to take anyone you don’t want to. And she sounds like a CF. But you are misunderstanding the rules around third party insurance. The third party is another car/driver you are in a accident with, not a passenger.

What is the point of suggesting silly game-playing like filling your car up so she can't get in/giving her an invoice/driving in the wrong direction?

Just be a grown-up, OP, and tell her no. 'I am not giving you a lift any more.' Don't go into detail or react to her response. Don't unlock your car so she can get in. If she follows you to it, tell her 'I'm not opening up until you've gone away' and stand your ground.

Easy if you’re not working with this vile person day in, day out, to give the OP grief because she wasn’t more forthright in the beginning. OP was also new to the job, can see how it just got out of hand.

Stick to your guns now OP. Hope you get it sorted.

When you do tell her (again) that you are no longer giving her lifts, please don't use the word 'sorry'. You do not need to be sorry.

Poor you, Driven! I really feel for you. I have had two different experiences of giving endless lifts to a fairly nearby-living colleague. It would be perfectly fine, IF they managed to get into their heads that it is a "favour" and not a duty. They don't have a car, so they have no expenses, no road tax, no insurance to pay, no MOT, etc. etc. but given my experiences, I would now just say NO straight away.

I started giving a lift to a colleague (who asked) - and as she lived quite close, I saw absolutely no problem, and was pleased to be able to help. However, after very many mornings sat outside her house waiting for her... (she was always late, except for the very first lift) I started to have my mis-givings. Then, on the way home, it began ... "could we just stop at xxx convenience store, just want to grab some milk" - then, "could we just take a slight detour, need to drop a birthday card into someone's house" ... (just two that I remember out of literally dozens of such requests) over a 6 month period which lead to me feeling like her personal courier. It came to a head one night, when I particularly wanted to get home promptly - and again it was "I have no loo - rolls, please can we just stop for two minutes at xxxx convenienc e store?" "Please" .. So I did. Ages seemed to go past, and in a high degree of irritation, I got out and went into the store. She was leaning over a TROLLEY, with what looked like about 15 different items, having a lovely chummy chat with a friend!!

I returned immediately to my car and drove off - leaving her there with her "friend" and her shopping! After a very unpleasant text messaging session, she finally got the message. But it was very unpleasant an unnecessary. Another time, (previously) when I had agreed to give another colleague a lift ( a man) I became very unsettled, as whenever he got into my car, early in the morning, he STANK of alcohol, such that I had to roll the window down even if it was freezing cold, as the smell was making me sick. For these reasons, I now believe it is best to just say "NO" - always. And never again! Please don't feel bad, you did her a lot of favours, and I would really, really recommend speaking to your managers, and telling them how stressed she was making you with her demands and her spiteful gossiping about you (Usually a big no no in a big company!) which is why you made a mistake on that particular evening. Good luck, but please, seriously, do think about explaining your side of the stressful situation to your managers? xx

There are really so many CFs around, I've been constantly amazed on here. But I have known people who attempt to cadge lifts. I remember working for a Christian charity once. They had volunteers from other countries, who worked for pocket money. I had a car at the time. They were constantly asking me for lifts. One of them told me that a group of them asked me to take them to Windsor and then pick them up. I would have happily done this if they'd asked me to go with them. But they just wanted me to be their chauffeur.

I pointed out that there was a perfectly good bus service. She shamelessly said that it costed money to get on the bus. I asked, 'Do you think it costs me nothing to drive you there?' She didn't dare to say anything more. Sometimes you just need to stand up for yourself.

The point of filling up the car is to reinforce the forceful, unambiguous "NO" that will be ignored.

This CF has the nerve to jump into a taxi with the OP and then expect her to pay for the trip, after all. She is not going to take No for an answer unless it is clear that there is no way for her to get into the car.

Personally I would just say No. You are not needing to do anything else.

If she gets in the car - ask her to get out. Nothing else. Just 'Please get out' - Nothing else. And then silence. Any answer -repeat it 'Please get out of my car'.

If she refuses get out your phone and say 'You have 30 seconds to get out -before I phone the police -No means No' -if she refuses phone them.

But ......prior to this -you must go to HR and tell them what's going on -this is bullying, harassment and stress.

Do that at the start. At home time -if this happens -phone the police and then HR.

Can you not just be straight with her? I'm sorry but I don't give lifts to people I've heard slagging me off behind my back.

And why do people keep offering suggestions for 'if she gets in your car'? Don't unlock the car until she leaves, after you have told her No.

Mental. Tell her to get driving lessons. Why the heck does she think it’s suddenly your concern.
Can’t even have the decency to offer to pay or pay for petrol. Rude and crazy.

Rainbunny is correct.

Don't take money for petrol for lifts, your insurance is then invalid, I think.

It's OK, you think wrong tilly.

Insurance wise, money for petrol is fine. What's not OK is driving for 'hire or reward' ie being a taxi driver and charging accordingly.

Anything up to 22.5 p a mile (or local equivalent - I don't think the OP is in the UK) would be OK as that's based on what the tax office says you can claim for running costs without profiting.

Barbara, the OP is in the United Arab Emerites, so GB law and tax doesn’t apply.

Cover your ass OP. Don’t leave yourself open to anything! Get comp insurance. Make sure your visa is valid for six months to a year at least, and all debts are paid before you say anything.

Lock your car door until you’re getting in then relock immediately when inside. Take pictures of her banging on the window.

You DO NOT want to be under investigation by the authorities, but it’s good to have evidence.

If you have an international company, let your manager and HR know you’re being stalked, slandered, and harassed by this colleague and it’s affecting your work. You may need a local liaison person if it’s a UAE registered company.

Any any update @Drivendementedd x

Are you there on a visa OP? And what kind of company are you employed by? ie international or local. What are the stakes? What happens if you lose your job over this?

How long has this other woman been working for the company? She’s determined to trash your reputation, and you seem to be letting her at the moment. You don’t get prizes for allowing someone to trample all over your personal and professional boundaries!