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AIBU?

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Original poster

Colleague expecting lifts everyday and follows me and jumps into car without asking

187 replies

Drivendementedd · 27/04/2018 15:35

I started a job in January, a new colleague told me she lived in the building behind me and asked if I could drop her home. I naively agreed thinking that I would gel with new colleagues quickly. However, this turned in to a full month of lifts in and out to work with her asking me personal questions such as my salary and then arguing with the manager for a pay rise. I got fed up when I was late once or twice in the mornings and she would call me demanding where I was and that she has been waiting outside my building. I finally stopped collecting her as I would sometimes wait 10-15 minutes for her and was feeling so annoyed at her attitude bearing in mind she never once offered to pay for petrol and told me she was so happy I joined as it was getting really expensive for her paying taxi fares. I was still stuck bringing her home as she would just follow me out to the car and sit in. She commented twice on my personal belongings being in the car asking wow is this a sweet shop/beauty salon. It was driving me insane! This went on for 4 months until I finally told her last week that I’m not insured to carry passengers and if I have an accident they won’t pay out so I can’t bring her. The journey was awkward she seemed upset but seemed to understand. I went in the following day and she interrupted a conversation I was having with another colleague to ask when I was going home, I said I told you I’m not insured so she insisted I should drop her to the closest taxi station when I declined. I thought she got the hint but the day after she asked again, I replied no. Today, she snapped at me infront of colleagues and deliberately tried to make me feel incompetent. I ignored her and just as everyone was about to leave she asked me for a lift again, I told her I’m not a taxi service and she looked at me in shock. The problem is I’ve heard her complain about me behind my back preciously and she’s told me the other staff don’t like me/think I lied to get the job which I later found out to be untrue. What is it with these people and what can I do? It’s driving me insane!!

Update: the day I told her “I’m not a taxi, I went to sign out as I was trying to get rid of her before she followed me out to the car. As she has also used the excuse before that I hadn’t told her and that she has no way home in an accusationary manner or asked me to ask another colleague for her as if I owe her something. Anyway, I ended up signing out forgetting that day we were to stay late for meetings and the management didn’t look too impressed.

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 27/04/2018 19:00

I remember that in the past when I was a student and had a car, I used to really resent being treated like a chauffeur. I remember taking a very young couple with me to church and they say together in the back seat canoodling. I felt like I should be wearing a chauffeur's cap.

Also, non car drivers have no idea about how much it all costs. I remember one friend asking me if I could afford to go home at half-term. Then she said, 'Oh, but you don't have to pay for a train ticket, you have a car.' Really, did she think cars drove on fresh air.' Grin

LexieLulu · 27/04/2018 19:10

Do you have reviews/appraisals or one on ones? Can you explain that your colleague is really effecting you

quizqueen · 27/04/2018 19:13

Arrange to see a friend or relative straight after work ( better still stay the night) and let her get in your car without permission one last time and see what she says when you drive in the opposite direction to home. Just park up at friend's and say, 'Bye'. That will be the last time she gets in your car. If she catches you in a morning by your own home, make sure your passenger door is locked and wave.

lavendargreen · 27/04/2018 19:18

Can you not go by public transport for a bit?

DH did this when the same thing happened to him some years back.

lavendargreen · 27/04/2018 19:19

I mean you shouldn't HAVE to do this, but it's just an idea. Just for a few weeks maybe. Smile

Original poster
Drivendementedd · 27/04/2018 19:28

@lavendargreen I already tried all the excuses then decided to take taxis as it’s my husbands car and he hadn’t had access to it for ages to visit friends/run errands. She would just wait until I got into the taxi and make excuses when we reached my apt saying she either had no money as she didn’t expect to take a taxi or that she would pay the “next time”

OP posts:
lavendargreen · 27/04/2018 19:55

Oh gosh that is difficult then.

Apart from being really rude to her, I can't think of anything else that hasn't already been suggested.....

OnTheRise · 27/04/2018 20:25

Apart from being really rude to her, I can't think of anything else that hasn't already been suggested.....

I don't think that telling her a clear and concise "I am not giving you any more lifts" is rude, though. She's the one being rude by refusing to listen to the OP when she's told she can't have any lifts; she's the one being rude by getting into the car despite being told she's not welcome.

OP, next time she gets into your car tell her to get out. Keep repeating, "I am not going to drive you anywhere ever again" and sit in your car without starting it until she gets out. Do not get drawn into a conversation. Do not give her reasons. Just keep telling her no.

She's treating you very badly. It's fine to stand up to her.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 27/04/2018 23:22

No one's really picked up on this, but as well as everything already mentioned, I think it's horrendous she's never paid a penny towards petrol or wear-n-tear.

OP, I feel for you very much. I think you've tried hard to be assertive and clear, and she's just walked all over all of it.

PLEASE report this to your manager... how she latched onto you and now 'expects' it. How she's talked about you behind your back and stirred up trouble. The lifts are NOT work's problem, but all the other stuff IS.

Good luck with disengaging. I think you're doing really well. Keep going (and keep reporting back to us!). Oh, and here's a tenner towards your petrol....

Cornishclio · 27/04/2018 23:41

Good grief she really is a user. I think you need to be blunt and just say she needs to make alternative arrangements and wont be driving her any more. You don't need to give a reason and just getting in your car is appalling. That is not rude.

What planet does she live on to feel so entitled?

I don't think you should be reporting this to management or HR. It is not a company problem and you need to sort it yourself. It won't reflect well on you to get them involved as it will look like you are not assertive enough.

ReanimatedSGB · 28/04/2018 00:03

Hang on, she got into the taxi you had ordered and then refused to pay? If she pulls that one again, say to the cab driver that she's a non-payer and therefore you won't travel with her.

gillybeanz · 28/04/2018 00:18

I can't understand why you didn't say anything earlier Confused
Who carries on doing something they don't want to, it's mental.

Zeezee7 · 28/04/2018 00:25

I would hate that, I like driving alone and having an entitled colleague would drive me up the wall.

If she was paying you that’s one thing, but she’s not so tell her to get lost

Passingwords · 28/04/2018 00:32

OP - you have 2 choices either tell her you are not giving her a lift anymore or agree a rate with her and get the money up front each week.
She has 5 choices- pay you if you are happy to take her, she can get a car and drive herself -get a taxi- find someone else or give up work, but the last 4 really are not your concern.
Decide which of your options you want to go with and do it, don't be pushed about. In conversation at work make sure everyone knows if you are worried about gossip.

Jux · 28/04/2018 00:32

So she had you paying for her taxi home as well? You're well rid of this piss taker.

Original poster
Drivendementedd · 28/04/2018 02:39

@gillybeanz I told this colleague numerous times I couldn’t bring her/ I had other “errands” to run after work/ I continuously asked about a car lift option she was supposed to have secured etc but each day without fail she would run out the door behind me, follow me to the car and jump in. I also tried to make her feel awkward saying “oh... ur coming?”/leaving stuff on the seat etc she didn’t care (I honestly didn’t think ppl like that existed, how someone could have no shame to jump in and pretend I never told her is beyond me.

OP posts:
TemptressofWaikiki · 28/04/2018 02:48

Sorry but can you just not open the passenger door side? I know from a few mates that there are people like this. Alternatively, should she manage to get in the car next time, go totally the other way and leave her stranded somewhere. She had to travel to work before you started working there. Or, just sit in the car and don't start the engine. Tell her that bluntly that you will not take her and get the fuck out of your car. You have to step it up.

thebewilderness · 28/04/2018 03:01

You have said no every way you can. It is time to tell personnel or your boss that they are harassing you and refuse to stop.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 28/04/2018 06:37

I can't understand why you didn't say anything earlier confused
Who carries on doing something they don't want to, it's mental

Seriously?? Read the thread. Unless op physically manhandled this CF from her car what was she suppose to Do?

Jamsandwhichandgrapes · 28/04/2018 07:04

Hi op. I just wanted to add that as you have 3rd party insurance you are not covered for yourself or your own car at all. Regardless of passengers. Whatever happens to your car and you are at fault you will not get help but the other car will be fixed. I would really consoder changing to comprehemsive insurance for your own safety and any passengers you do have. I work in car insurance and had a customer who didnt understand this! Brand new bmw x5. She reversed into another car. We fixed the other car but she was not covered for her own car. That was very expensive for her to repair herself!!!

LadybirdsAreFab · 28/04/2018 07:16

If you are in the UAE it is illegal to car share unless you have registered it with the RTA. Unless it’s changed recently. Please try and upgrade to fully comp on your insurance. Shop around, there are a few good companies that offer this. My husband got his fully comp cheaper than 3rd party this way. We are in Dubai.

KC225 · 28/04/2018 07:29

I think you have to rope in other colleagues to distract her and then make a bolt for it.

I think it is worth flagging to your manager or HR - because it sounds as there could be repercussions and she could make trouble.

Daftquestion1 · 28/04/2018 07:29

FGS stop being such a doormat. Just tell her you will no longer be able to give her lifts and she is to make her own arrangements. If she asks why (sounds like she will) just say you didn't appreciate some of the comments she had made and had heard she had spoken about you behind your back. Or you could just say you don't want to as you like travelling alone. End of.

MN is full of these types of situations. Piss taker taking advantage and OP dithering about what to do whilst the most obvious answer is a direct and firm "no".

OliviaStabler · 28/04/2018 07:47

Could you possibly use public transport for a few days? Throw her off?

Accountant222 · 28/04/2018 07:56

I had a similar woman doing the same to me at work, she worked in Personnel and actually looked through the files, as to who lived close to her.

She was a vile person, rude, demanding and I don't know just horrible. I tried to scare her with my driving, that didn't work.

I worked on the export desk, so sometimes couldn't leave at 5.00, as the people I needed to contact were only just starting their day, she used to stand at my desk huffing and puffing, clearly agitated I wasn't on my way up the M1.

In the end I had to be incredibly rude to get the message across, she never spoke to me again, bonus!