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Original poster

Colleague expecting lifts everyday and follows me and jumps into car without asking

187 replies

Drivendementedd · 27/04/2018 15:35

I started a job in January, a new colleague told me she lived in the building behind me and asked if I could drop her home. I naively agreed thinking that I would gel with new colleagues quickly. However, this turned in to a full month of lifts in and out to work with her asking me personal questions such as my salary and then arguing with the manager for a pay rise. I got fed up when I was late once or twice in the mornings and she would call me demanding where I was and that she has been waiting outside my building. I finally stopped collecting her as I would sometimes wait 10-15 minutes for her and was feeling so annoyed at her attitude bearing in mind she never once offered to pay for petrol and told me she was so happy I joined as it was getting really expensive for her paying taxi fares. I was still stuck bringing her home as she would just follow me out to the car and sit in. She commented twice on my personal belongings being in the car asking wow is this a sweet shop/beauty salon. It was driving me insane! This went on for 4 months until I finally told her last week that I’m not insured to carry passengers and if I have an accident they won’t pay out so I can’t bring her. The journey was awkward she seemed upset but seemed to understand. I went in the following day and she interrupted a conversation I was having with another colleague to ask when I was going home, I said I told you I’m not insured so she insisted I should drop her to the closest taxi station when I declined. I thought she got the hint but the day after she asked again, I replied no. Today, she snapped at me infront of colleagues and deliberately tried to make me feel incompetent. I ignored her and just as everyone was about to leave she asked me for a lift again, I told her I’m not a taxi service and she looked at me in shock. The problem is I’ve heard her complain about me behind my back preciously and she’s told me the other staff don’t like me/think I lied to get the job which I later found out to be untrue. What is it with these people and what can I do? It’s driving me insane!!

Update: the day I told her “I’m not a taxi, I went to sign out as I was trying to get rid of her before she followed me out to the car. As she has also used the excuse before that I hadn’t told her and that she has no way home in an accusationary manner or asked me to ask another colleague for her as if I owe her something. Anyway, I ended up signing out forgetting that day we were to stay late for meetings and the management didn’t look too impressed.

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 27/04/2018 16:08

start thinking about either moving house or finding a new job.

LOL, are you serious??

Of course. Such easier solutions to just saying "Sorry, this arrangement is not working for me anymore".

Gemini69 · 27/04/2018 16:10

Insurance Website Policy Expert lists the Top reasons insurers refuse to pay out.... this one is listed ...

‘Hiring’ out your car – Obviously if someone pays you to drive your car that isn’t named on your insurance, it’s going to invalidate a claim. But even profiting from a car share arrangement, for example if someone pays you to pick them up and drop them off from work, can lead to problems

milliemolliemou · 27/04/2018 16:10

OP I'd still email your line manager in a brief and very calm way. Say you realize everyone's busy because of the time of year, and you don't expect any action to be taken, but that you are just wanting to put the matter on record.

CocoaGin · 27/04/2018 16:12

I think you need to report it. She's harassing you at work, and it's unacceptable.

TawnyPort · 27/04/2018 16:12

This went on for 4 months until I finally told her last week that I’m not insured to carry passengers and if I have an accident they won’t pay out so I can’t bring her

Well she didn't believe such obvious bollocks, did she? She's a loon, but you're an unreal pushover and you should have just say no from the start rather than driving her for months and then making up such an obvious lie.

Original poster
Drivendementedd · 27/04/2018 16:14

I’m in the Middle East, that’s the info they gave me. Perhaps, i misunderstood but it was a desperate attempt to get rid of her although it didn’t work

Colleague expecting lifts everyday and follows me and jumps into car without asking
OP posts:
Juells · 27/04/2018 16:14

Well she didn't believe such obvious bollocks, did she?

If she doesn't drive she mightn't know anything about insurance, so it was worth a try for someone who's trying to avoid confrontation with someone loony.

juneau · 27/04/2018 16:15

I'm absolutely stunned that you allowed her to take advantage of you for four months before you finally put your foot down. Bugger the insurance stuff, it's your car and your choice who you give a lift to. Don't be bullied and made to feel you owe her anything - you owe her nothing and she's behaving like an entitled, spoiled nutcase, quite honestly. How she gets to and from work is her problem and nothing to do with you. I would tell HR that she is harassing you and get it on record. Don't allow her to intimidate you. She is a CF of immense proportions.

colditz · 27/04/2018 16:16

I have a really strong sens of deja vu from this thread, I'm sure I've read it elsewhere, and not that recently

BarbaraofSevillle · 27/04/2018 16:17

But even profiting from a car share arrangement, for example if someone pays you to pick them up and drop them off from work, can lead to problems

Taking money from someone to cover petrol or even 'wear and tear' and insurance etc costs wouldn't be 'profitting' though. HMRC allows 45 pence a mile for car expenses so unless CF Liftzilla is paying more than half of this amount for the lifts to work, there wouldn't be a problem, and she's not paying anything anyway.

annandale · 27/04/2018 16:18

It was a good idea to come up with a neutral reason to back up your refusal.

I would write a full detailed account of the whole thing with dates and times, edit it so it's purely factual, and email it to yourself so you have a record. Then start being jokey to her at work. 'Hello trouble, how are the driving lessons going?' etc

TawnyPort · 27/04/2018 16:18

That doesn't even mention carrying passengers, its simply the obvious difference between third party and comprehensive insurance.

Jackreacherswife · 27/04/2018 16:18

I'm too direct I'm afraid. I'd wait till she got to my car and tell her to piss off. When she started to speak, I'd say you got lifts for nothing for over four months but that's finished now. And repeat. And repeat.

TittyGolightly · 27/04/2018 16:19

She really does sound unhinged, and I agree with PP who say 'talk to HR'

I work in HR and would say “speak to your manager”.

TammyWhyNot · 27/04/2018 16:19

Just say 'l wanted to clarify about the lifts I have been giving you. It's fine once in a while, but it doesn't suit me to make it a regular habit. Sometimes I would rather go in early, it makes me stressed when you are late, and I do a lot of thinking when I am on my way to work and prefer to be alone to prepare for the day. I prefer to be independent, and I want the freedom to do errands before and after work. It isn't working for me at present. So we'll call the arrangement off and I'll offer if it's a good day for me"

AhhhhThatsBass · 27/04/2018 16:19

I think the appropriate mumsnet term for her behaviour is Cheeky Fuckery and she is the epitome of a Cheeky Fucker.

I'm gobsmacked at her behaviour. Don't put up with it.

Incaseofemergencybreakglass · 27/04/2018 16:22

Yeah, you misunderstand what third party insurance means. It means anyone else (including a passenger) can claim against you if an accident was your fault. It's the legal minimum in the UK. It doesn't cover damage to your own car, but if it's someone else's fault then you can claim against them (on their third party insurance). If damage to your own car is your own fault then you can't claim for it. For that, you need comprehensive cover.

But aside from that, just speak to HR/manager to 'log' what's happening, i.e. have provided free transport for 4 months, no longer wish to do so and being harrassed because of this, concerned that some untrue statements have been made about me in the workplace as a result of this so you'd like them to be aware of the situation.

If colleague asks again, just say 'no'. If asked why, say 'I prefer not to'. If asked why not, say 'that's up to me, you'll have to make your own arrangements from now on'.

Raindancer411 · 27/04/2018 16:25

As others have said I would talk to HR if you have one and if not, your boss.

Lizzie48 · 27/04/2018 16:32

I can't believe even non drivers would actually believe that an insurance policy wouldn't allow to carry passengers. What are the other car seats for?? But on a serious note, she's harassing you to the point where it's affecting your performance at work; you don't owe anyone a lift. You should make a complaint at work definitely. Thanks

FairfaxAikman · 27/04/2018 16:34

@Lizzie48 some policies do forbid it.
Our company cars are all on that basis - unless it's an employee they can't get in the car.

Juells · 27/04/2018 16:37

I can't believe even non drivers would actually believe that an insurance policy wouldn't allow to carry passengers.

I'd lie barefacedly to her if she questioned it - "I got special cheap insurance that's only for me". What does the OP care whether it's believed or not? All the better if the CF knows it's a lie.

Juells · 27/04/2018 16:38

...and all the better that the OP actually believed it at the time 😜

Gemini69 · 27/04/2018 16:39

tell her to PISS OFF..... once she's in the privacy of your car so there's no witnesses lol Grin

Original poster
Drivendementedd · 27/04/2018 16:42

Perhaps I tried to read through the lines to find another excuse as my previous “no, I can’t/I have to collect DH/I’m going a different route etc.” didn’t seem to work. for those that think I’m a pushover, another reason it went so long is because she’s very confrontational and she is of ‘color’, she has made previous remarks of how she’s been treated unfairly in other circumstances and when she asked about my salary at the start she made it out that it was because I’m white and a native English speaker.

OP posts:
WishingOnABar · 27/04/2018 16:44

I think your solution is definitely from upthread:
I'd feel obliged to have some sport with her, tbh. Let her get in the car and drive in the opposite direction; when she asks why you're going the wrong way, tell her you're visiting your mum/going to the gym/picking your OH or kids up/meeting your mates for a drink.
I’d recommend taking a long detour everytime she tries to just climb in.

Eventually she will find it such an inconvenience she will stop